What Mother's Day and Father's Day Means to Me
by Camden, Age 9

I don't have a wheelchair that automatically tells people who look at me that I was born with problems that limit me, but there are lots of things that happen inside my brain that they can not see. I have a brain that doesn't always work the way it's supposed to. Sometimes it gets stuck and I have a hard time showing my thoughts and feelings the right way.

A lot of times people see my inappropriate behaviors and tell me they're on purpose when they're really not. One minute I can be friendly and happy while telling jokes and having fun. The next minute, I might act silly while standing on top of the dining room table trying to touch the ceiling fan blades as they spin (the people around me get very scared). I wonder why they're yelling at me, because I just wanted to make them laugh. The next thing you know, I might act sad while holding my ears and rocking under the table as I cry. I easily "lose it" when things get to be too much for me to handle. I get angry and kick holes in the wall or throw chairs into the air without warning. Then the teacher at school has to physically restrain me (trying to keep me and everyone else safe). I am easily frustrated, but I find it hard to tell people using my words. Instead, I bite myself or bang my head. There are days when everything and everybody gets on my nerves. I wander away without realizing it. I know right from wrong, but I have poor judgment and I do things that are wrong without thinking about them first. This behavior hurts and embarrasses people that I love very much. That makes me feel sad...very sad.

Some times I have monsters in my dreams that keep me awake at night. Other times I think people are looking at me or laughing at me and my mom tells me they aren't. People see that I can be friendly and loving, but I think it's easier for them to remember the bad stuff more than the good stuff. I don't want people to be mad at me. I am not making excuses for the way I act. I am not always doing it to get attention. It is not always in my control.

 When I feel like nobody understands me or accepts me because I am different, it makes me feel hopeless. You probably think my parents are overprotective, but they love me for who I am...on my good days and my bad days. They try their best to help others understand me. When my behavior is embarrassing, my parents work real hard at trying to stay calm and patient. That's not easy! I know!

Mom is always there to remind me that I am not a problem- I HAVE A PROBLEM. She makes sure I take my meds four times a day. She takes me to appointments every week (some times a couple times a week and far away). She fights with insurance companies when they don't want to pay for different tests or treatments. She looks for other services that might help make me better. Mom stays up with me late at night and rubs my back when I need deep pressure. She brings my family to visit me almost every day when I am in the hospital (even when I was hospitalized an hour and a half away for almost seven months- that's a long time). Transitions and change are so hard for me, but mom uses pictures and schedules and something she calls foreshadowing to help make it easier on me. People blame and judge her when they see me acting out in public, but she knows it's not her fault and she doesn't give up on me. She just keeps on trying. She is not ashamed of who I am. I talk a lot and when other people get tired of listening or get frustrated with hearing the same questions over and over, mom doesn't send me away like they do. She tries to find a different way to explain it, so I will understand. I am only nine. Others get frustrated when they think I am not learning from my mistakes.

Don't get mad at mom because you think that she is not giving me consequences for my poor choices. I think mom is too strict, but she tells me that is because she doesn't want to see me get in more trouble. I understand consequences. It's not that I choose not to learn from my mistakes; I'm just not always able to. I want to do right- I just can't. I don't decide to be bad to make people mad. I like to help people and make them happy, but some days that can be easier for me than others. I can't always make myself do the things I should do. I am lonely.

Kids my age don't come over to play because they think I'm "naughty", so instead, it's mom who takes me fishing and helps untangle my line when I accidentally get it stuck in the tree. I don't really have friends, but some times I pretend I do. Instead, I have my older brothers and sisters who understand me and accept me for who I am. They try to be good role models and they respect me in a way that they want me to respect them. That's how I know for sure that they love me. 

Thanks, mom and dad, for teaching me right from wrong, even though right can be a whole harder than wrong. Thanks for taking the time to appreciate me and notice the good things about me even when other people can't. I do want you to care about me even though I often act like I don't. Mom and dads are so much more than grownups who buy kids presents on birthdays and Christmas. They are kind and considerate and show us love in so many silent ways. The best gifts of all aren't the ones we can hold in our hands until the next holiday; they are the gifts that can be held in our hearts for a lifetime. I might not remember how much money my mom spends on me, but I will ALWAYS remember the daily never-ending strength and energy she shares with me that helps me wake up to another day.

Two days after my eighth birthday I got very sad because even with all the doctors on my team trying to help me, I felt like I would never get better and people would be better off without me. You see, I wasn't in a wheelchair and people couldn't see the pain that my disability caused.

My mom doesn't ask society to do all the work, she just asks, on my behalf, that you understand. She wants to be sure that mental health problems are not forgotten, because there are many more reasons just like me that are far too important to give up. When I say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and HAPPY FATHER'S DAY this year, it will be with a grateful heart and the biggest smile plastered all over my face. I might tell you later that I hate you and break your favorite vase when I "lose it" again, but you'll still hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright....THANKS MOM AND DAD!

Reflection
by Kayley, Age 13

I see my reflection in this little girls eyes, feeling unwanted and despised.
Her heart is broken and its burned, she doesnt know where to turn.
I see my reflection in this little girls eyes,feeling unwanted and despised.
There she goes, away again,
All she wants is for this to end, for the old to go away and the new to begin.
I see my reflection in this little girls eyes,feeling unwanted and despised.
She sits in the corner, crying out of her eyes,waiting for the bad times to hurry and die.
So there she sits,trying to turn,
Yearning for a little peace to return.
I see the smile on this little girls face,no more horror, no more disgrace.
Now there she sits, holding her mom,the bad times have passed,it is time to move on!

It's Life
by Kayley, Age 13

Looking out to little kids playing, laughing and screaming, yelling, and gazing; they seem so happy without a clue, what the world is coming to. So just let them be, happy you see. Leave them alone and let them be. But when you see the tears stream down their faces, run to them so they don't have to be loved at other places. Don't forget to run to them, so they won't hide, with the little tears streaming from their eyes. Its ok to make a mistake or two, just don't compare them to what you used to do. Let them be kids for as long as they can, no stress, no pain, nothing to plan. Let them run and let them sing, for now just let them fantasy dream...

What To Do With It All
by Sarah, Age 12

Oh why can't I see
That life's not easy to play
Oh what I'm trying to say
Life's not perfect
So I got to work it
Everyday
There's so much on my mind
I've just got to find
Some way to pass the time
Away
With clarinet, homework and friends
Life just sometimes tends
To get too hard for me
Oh why can't I see
That life's not easy to play
Oh what I'm trying to say
Life's not perfect
So I got to work it
Everyday
I take a pill
When I get ill
And they try to help me, chill
Don't know if they're working
The anger is lurking
Very near
My mom's job with Xocai
Is helping me get by
When it gets pretty rough, for me
Oh why can't I see
That life's not easy to play
Oh what I'm trying to say
Life's not perfect
So I got to work it
Everyday
Then 7th grade hit
Like a ball in a mitt
And I've got to catch that ball
They'll get a strike-out
Then maybe I'll find out
What to do...with...it...all

My life
by Amanda, Age 16

Each day of my life I wake up to,
A ball of misery which can never be broken,
Fights, tears and a throbbing head,
Family shattered and hearts torn never to be fixed again,
Yet when I rest on the sand and look to the sea,
My fears are seized by the waves,
I wish each day for my mind to be free,
From the memories which haunt me each day,
I wish for the history which changed my life,
Never too place,
All i want is happiness,
Yet my happiness turns straight to depression.

From Bad to Good

by Charlie, Age 14

 

I used to be like a lonely road,
The only one that I have ever known
Now I am like a sunny day,
Showing how bright I can be.
I used to be like a water glass,
Filled with broken dreams
Now I am like a candy bar,

Tasty with a touch of happiness
I used to be like a sour lemon,
Not showing its taste
Now I am like a present,
Waiting to show its kindness
I used to be like a dark and rainy night,
Not showing its light
Now I am like a bird,
Flying through a spring breeze
I used to be like a sheet of ice,
Feeling left out and lonely
Now I am like a vacuum,
Picking up visions for the future

 

 

Life With Sadness

by Rachel, Age 12

 

In times of sadness,
times of pain,

I always found
my love again.

But now it's gone
my tears keep raining
it's all lost
and I'm left paining.

Blood keeps flowing
from these walls
tears keep running
watch them fall

I keep waiting
for the heart
to open up
to give me part

Part of my love,
I wish so dear.
But now it's gone
again my fears

They just came back.
Stupidity,
They just keep raining
onto me.

 

I wish for them
to still be here
to love and care
to silence my fears

But it's not to be,
no never to come,
because of one blow,
my love is all done.

It was to be,
but you won't believe,
that if it happened again,
it'd come to be.

I hope for love
in future near
to calm my thoughts
to calm my fear

But love does never
last forever
despite my need,
despite my efforts.

They'll never return,
those two I loved,
who caused me
to once again shove

away a friend,
another dear,
who hates me now,
again my fear.

Twas not my fault,
could not help it
with every day,
I wish that this fit

Would leave my mind
and leave my heart
but for now,
We're still apart.

I'd given you
All I had and more
But then it all left
forever more.

Forever more to
never care
forever more to
see me there.

I'm wishing for a chance,
just one time,
to try and silence
my sickened mind.

 

My heart is dying
as you wait
For me to leave.
I only shaped

The bond of friendship
in our souls
never again
from what I'm told,

Shall I ever 
trust a man.
Never again,
no, never again.

After I tried
to be your friend...
One more chance,
or is this the end...? 

The War is Far From Love

by Charlie, Age 13

 

The war is far from love

It's like a dove

Flying far above

Without a family

With no love  

It matches the war

For inside the core

Is hate  

 

The war

Is far

From love  

Many are dying

Some are crying.

A lot are fighting

And all are feeling down  

 

The war

Is far

From love  

Buildings are frying

People's hearts are broken

And so is their will

To not give up.

 

  

  

My Own Waves

by Travis, Age 11

 

I live my life on the beach's waters

riding waves I have to control.

My medicine is my surfboard

my emotions are in my soul.

 

When the wave is real high

I am the happiest guy

I can do anything, even fly

 

When the wave is low

my mind goes slow

nothing is good

I just don't want to go

 

Now I can surf

I use the surfboard

I use what I learned

about changing my thoughts

 

In my life there are no more

tidal waves

only me surfing forever

on medium waters.

 

 

  

Rain

by Miranda, age 14

 

I stand in the rain so no one can see me crying

The rain against my face falling like teardrops

The sound of people walking past me whispering to

one another

People saying that girls crying because no one

likes her

I stand in the rain so no one can see my pain

The rain falling like needles piercing my every

hope

The sound of people screaming because the blood

from my broken heart

I stand in the rain so no one can see what I'm

like and what I feel.

 

Shades of Purple
by Margo, age 13

Shades of Purple
 I am not angry
 Nor sad
 Always.
 Just
 Purple.
 I haven't spent my life in sadness,
 Though I have felt its iron vise
 Upon my life at times
 Nor have I spent my life in rage
 Though it seems to like to take control
 Of me
 At the worst
 Possible
 Moments.
 No
 I am purple.
 Caught between
 The shades of blue,
 And horrible depression
 And fiery red,
 Disastrous shades of anger.
 Typing out my whole life on a keyboard,
 I am PURPLE!!!!!
 A beautiful shade of purple
 Running through my life,
 Colors streaming by, always waiting to turn all
 red,
 Or fall into the throes of being blue.
 But no!
 I am purple!
 Sometimes slightly bluer
 Sometimes close to being red,
 But always purple.
 People like me are purple.
 Sometimes looked down upon
 by flat, colorless people.
 People who are not colored
 By which I mean
 Those without "problems"
 Like me
 Don't understand
 What it's like
 To have color.
 It's the most beautiful thing in the world!
 Although most colorless people don't know...
 It can make you do great things!
 So,
 I salute the colored people!
 And to me,
 Purple
 Is
 The sweetest color
 In the rainbow.

Green
by Alicia Cosner, age 10

Green dreams of filling the world with joy
His thoughts are dancing with wonderful children
He remembers sobbing in the cold, wet mud
Green forgets that he is the world
He tells us to love and hug him everyday

Stars Feel Like . . .
by Alicia Cosner, age 10

Stars feel like fairy dust
On a glistening chilly night
Fairy's covered in the sparkling powder
Sprinkling it on everything
Purple diamonds rest upon my hand
Wind blows
Bye bye dust

Truly Truffle True
by Alicia Cosner, age 10

Truthful True lost her Trace
By tricking all the teachers
For more Tricks or Treats
So Truthful True isn't really truthful at all
She is more a Truffle True
Trying all those cakes
Then we frighten Truffle True
To share her Truffle Tremendous
Truffle cake with us
Then Truffle True ate it all in one bite
Truffle True where is all the Truffle cake

Recent Luck
by Yates, age 18

Can't you see that calamity
Is the only thing holding me in
Today is the day and here is the way
I'll be there without question

Most of the time
Time slips away for good
Taking what I call mine
Taking what I know I should

All the best but until we meet again
For every burnt out star-like trend
And when it seems impossible
Think of your past struggle

I'm watching the blue sky fade
And if I had to choose again
I think I'd choose where and when
My fate was going to unfold

All in all it's quite all right
New days approaching
With a guiding light
Full to the top with irony

Poem for Mom
by Antoinette, age 12

Mommy looks into my face sees the tears running
down my eyes.Mommy I am sorry I dídn't mean to
have that outburst today or say things I said.  I
don't understand what goes on in my head.
Sometimes I wish I could fly away and come back
on a better day. When I don't feel so frustrated
and anger  inside.  Even though you expect and love
me for me. I wish I could be a normal child
someday even if it is just for one day. Maybe all
the pain and hurt would go away.And I could be
happy and free just the way you  would like me to
be. Because no one dislikes more then me. But I
know mommy loves me just for me.

Oz
by Kate, age 15

A tornado, a manic whirlwind landed her in a

very different place.

She was no longer in the black and white town,

One dull with isolation, what a lifeless race.

Color goggles were slipped over her eyes,

Exposing a fantasy world made up of reds,

yellows, greens and blues,

Full of blips and blurps of madness,

And never ending energy received.

Laced with thoughts of immortality,

And make-believe.

Her mind was racing almost as fast as her heart.

Her pupils contracted almost as small as her

judgement.

That went down the drain.

The self-proclaimed drug trip,

A trip all in her mind,

Was an amazing world to be in,

But only for the sick to find.

Rollercoaster
by John (sibling), age 15

There is no turning back from the ride of his life.
The never-ending track full of ups and downs.
The family all must travel this journey along the devastating and helpless track.

The noise of this carriage full of shouting.
The feel of this carriage full of anger and sadness.
The weight of this carriage beats and breaks down whoever rides it.

The track will dip,
The carriage will plummet.
To depressing, disturbing, devastating lows.
Taking with it, the hearts of whoever rides.

This rollercoaster will climb to huge heights of happiness,
But only to fall into a dark world of depression and sadness.
This rollercoaster will turn from good to bad.
Each action will have extremely different effects.

This ride is full of highs and lows with nothing in between.
With each high and with each low come scars the eye cannot see.

These scars will not heal, nor will they stop hurting.
As they plague the memories of the rollercoaster riders.

With special tools this track can be straightened.
The carriage may calm, but it will never stop.

Through the endless highs and lows, the rollercoaster of the mentally ill will continue to go.

"I Hate My Life"
by Courtney, age 13

Sometimes I wonder
If anyone will ever care?
And the thought crosses my mind
Is anyone even there?
Why do I have to feel like this?
Is this the price I have to pay
For trying to be friendly
Every single day?
Why am I such an outcast?
Why am I even trying
When every single day
I just end up crying?
I try to talk to my friends
On line and on the phone
But they just make excuses
I AM ALL ALONE!

"Indigo"
by Charles, age 9 (sibling of brother with bipolar disorder)

Indigo is the color of sadness.
When indigo blanks out your mind,
time to relinquish fun and happy times.
But don’t despair.
There will still be a small area of happiness left in your mind.
When sadness passes and night ends, indigo leaves.
Your mind will be renovated and you will be happy
for the remainder of the day,
at least until indigo clouds your mind again.
But you will take back the happiness in your mind
and never grieve again.

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