The Flipswitch series of 3 podcasts called the "Friendship Series" is very popular!  Part 1 has already been shared by over 100 people through social media. In response to requests from Flipswitch listeners who wanted to share this series so their friends could understand what depression feels like, we have transcribed all 3 podcasts in this series.  Enjoy! --Jessica Lynn Gimeno

In chronological order, below you fill find Transcripts for Part 1 "What NOT to Do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder"

Part 2 "Here's What to do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder" and finally

Part 3 "How to Be a Good Friend When You Have a Mood Disorder"

FriendshipPt1Ellie

[Music]

Jessica: Hello. This is Jessica Gimeno, and you are listening to FLIPSWITCH the podcast and blog that helps teens and 20-somethings understand depression and bipolar disorder.

Yes, I am playing the Friends’ theme song I’ll Be There For You by The Rembrandts. This podcast is part one of three parts in the Friendship Series. Part one is called What Not to Do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder. The next podcast Part two will be Here’s What to Do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder. The final installment, or part three, will be How to Be a Good Friend When You Have a Mood Disorder.

To help us explore friendship, I brought back one of our most popular guests, Ellie, a college student who bravely fights ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and Depression every day.

[Music]

 

Ellie: My name is Ellie and I’m 21 years old. I’m from the Chicago suburbs but I go to school in Iowa City, Iowa at the University of Iowa.

 

Jessica: What are your diagnoses?

 

Ellie: I was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression in June of 2009.

 

Jessica: Can you please take us back to a difficult session in your life?

 

Ellie: December of 2010 to April of 2011 was probably the most difficult time I’ve ever experienced. In December of 2010, right at the end of finals of the Fall Semester my psychiatrist took me off of the Concerta that I’ve been prescribed ever since I was diagnosed with ADHD. We weren’t thinking that it was the correct medication to treat my ADHD but we wanted to explore if it was more of a Depression issue before we changed the medication completely.

So we took me off of the Concerta and, not immediately but very closely after that, I just was completely unmotivated, I gained back a lot of weight, I didn’t have that kind of self-control anymore and my grades slipped immediately when I started in the Spring Semester in January. I didn’t care about my homework at all, I didn’t care about exams, my friendships were really slipping because I was reverting to a lot of my pre-diagnoses ways so I just felt really judged my friends and I was really depressed.

So in March I went to my family doctor and had her prescribe me the Concerta again and I immediately started on that but at the same time I started on birth control to help regulate my cycle and see if that would help any of my depression issues. But the combination of the two ended up being really disastrous for me. The birth control with the Concerta made me really depressed and really emotional all the time.

In April I became really suicidal and there was one night where I hit a really low point where I had no intention of actually killing myself but I had become so miserable with my life that I saw no other way out. The next day I had recognized that it was the birth control that was really messing with my emotions that way so I stopped the birth control completely and since then I’m still dealing with depression but I’m no longer suicidal.

During that period of time in my life I was just inexplicably sad all the time. I mean I could drop my pencil and it would make me depressed for a week.

 

Jessica: But you took action?

 

Ellie: Yeah.

 

Jessica: And it worked, right?

 

Ellie: Yeah. I took action and within a few weeks after stopping the birth control I noticed that I was no longer suicidal and the Concerta had been able to start taking some of its effect like it had before I was taken off of it. Today, I’m no longer suicidal.

[Music]

 

Jessica: Can you tell us about things that some friends did that made things worse?

 

Ellie: When I was experiencing that really difficult time I just felt really judged by my friends at home. Very simply I was feeling the way I had before I was diagnosed with ADHD and before I had started any medication so I was feeling just really judged and alone. My friends at home didn’t really understand that. It was just really hard for me to connect with them anymore. After my break-up with my boyfriend, it felt a lot like people were judging me because I still had feelings or because it was really hard for me to get over it and that was taking a really bad toll on me. It was really hard for me to connect at all.

 

Jessica: Can you give an example of when somebody said something unhelpful?

 

Ellie: During that really difficult time in my life if I ever tried to talk to somebody about what I was feeling, one particular person would say, “Well now I feel bad because I don’t know how to help.” And for me it wasn’t so much that I needed them to say something to help me, it just that I needed them to listen. I needed to get all of this anger and frustration and sadness out of my system somehow. It didn’t matter to me how they responded but just that they listen to me and let me feel the way I want to feel. Having somebody say “Well I feel bad now” or “I feel sad now” it just added so much more pressure and responsibility because I’m so dedicated to helping other people before myself. But in this situation I had to put myself first just to get this stuff out of me. Having to try to make other people happy while not knowing how to make myself happy was really frustrating for me and it was just not helpful to me when they said those things.

 

Jessica: You wanted somebody to listen to you?

 

Ellie: Yeah, I don’t want to hear people say, “Oh, I’d be so sad without you” or “I don’t know what I do if didn’t have you around” and well, what, like it just – that’s so much more pressure and it’s so much – makes me so much more anxious and gives me so much more responsibility than I can really handle. If you’re trying to argue with me about how I should feel, that’s not kind at all and that’s not being a good friend. You just have to let me feel the way I’m going to feel.

 

Jessica: Don’t say things like “Don’t be sad”?

 

Ellie: Yeah.

 

Jessica: That’s not helpful by saying “Don’t be sad.”

 

Ellie: No, it’s not helpful. People were more concerned about getting me away from the ledge instead of keeping me away from ledge. People were just looking for this temporary fix just to get me away from wanting to kill myself that night when in reality it’s a long process. Keeping me away from the ledge means you have to be willing to be there for me throughout all the difficult times to listen.

 

Jessica: So consistently listen to your friend who has mental illness not just during the moment in crisis.  So there are some people who if they think you’re suicidal, they’ll be there but they will not be there for anything else.

 

Ellie: Right. If you’re as good of a friend as you say and if you’re going to be as sad as you say you will be then you will help prevent me from ever getting back to that place again.

[Music]

 

Jessica: What are three qualities of a bad friend?

 

Ellie: Being patronizing, judgmental and self-absorbed. Patronizing is just when – I have a lot of friends that will kind of look down on me or treat me like I’m a five-year-old sometimes because I’m a really goofy and they’ll act like I need a lot help doing things even though I don’t.

 

Jessica: Sometimes people think that if a person has a mental illness, they are of a lesser intelligence.

 

Ellie: Yeah, because I have ADHD, there are people sometimes that patronize me. They act like I need so much help because I’m not as intelligent as they are or because I have a harder time getting motivated than they do.

 

Jessica: What does judgmental mean?

 

Ellie: Judgmental is when I’m talking to somebody about how I feel, they don’t really understand. I feel like they’re judging me for how I feel like especially with my ex-boyfriend people will just be like “Oh, really? You’re not over it yet” like “Come on Ellie, get over it. It’s been however long.” It’s hard for me because I can’t deal with things the way other people can and I can’t just get over things.

 

Jessica: That person may have gotten over an ex in less time than you.

 

Ellie: Exactly. We all deal with things in different ways.

 

Jessica: How can people be self-absorbed even if they don’t mean to be?

 

Ellie: If I’m dealing with the problem, don’t all of a sudden start talking about “Oh, when this happened to me, this is how I did it. And like it was bad for a while for me but then…” and just consistently talking about yourself when you’re trying to help me.

 

Jessica: Talking about yourself more than listening to your friends’ problems?

 

Ellie: Right. Yeah. Because I can appreciate when people try to relate their personal experiences to what I’m going through but the complete subject change isn’t not okay.  And sometimes I need to talk it out more and sometimes I know I can get annoying with how much I’ve talked about things but you can’t think that the issue I’m dealing with will just go away.

 

Jessica: Or think that their issue is identical to yours.

 

Ellie: Yeah, yeah.

[Music]

 

Jessica: Clearly, Ellie’s story is not done. In the next podcast we’ll reach the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. In part two of the friendship series, we’ll hear what good friends did that helped Ellie manage her mood disorders and breakup. You don’t want to miss it!  But before the next podcast you can always hear other podcasts and read my blogs on the FLIPSWITCH page at www.thebalancedmind.org/flipswitch/podcast. Leave a comment, be heard!

 

Until next time, this is Jessica Gimeno signing off and saying thank you for listening to FLIPSWITCH.

[Music]

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FriendshipPt2Ellie

 

[0:00:00]

[Music]

Jessica: Hello. This is Jessica Gimeno, and you are listening to FLIPSWITCH the podcast and blog that helps teens and 20-somethings understand depression and bipolar disorder.

Yes, I am playing the Friends’ theme song I’ll Be There For You by The Rembrandts. This podcast is part two of three parts in the Friendship Series. Part one was called What Not to Do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder. Not surprisingly, part two is called Here’s what to Do When Your Friend Has a Mood Disorder. Everyone, with and without mood disorders goes through trials in life. Break-ups like the one we’re going to hear about can be difficult for anybody. We all need to practice being good friends and finding quality friends to weather life’s storms. As such, this podcast is for everyone.

Ellie, a college student with Depression and ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, will describe a difficult season in her life. She will tell us about how great friends made the situation less stressful. Together, we will brainstorm three qualities of good friends.

[Music]

 

Ellie: My name is Ellie and I’m 21 years old. I go to school in Iowa City, Iowa at the University of Iowa.

 

Jessica: What are your diagnoses?

 

Ellie: I was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression in June of 2009.

 

Jessica: Can you please take us back to a difficult season in your life?

 

Ellie: December of 2010 to April of 2011 was probably the most difficult time I’ve ever experienced. In December of 2010, my psychiatrist took me off of the Concerta that I had been prescribed ever since I was diagnosed with ADHD. We weren’t thinking that it was the correct medication to treat my ADHD but we wanted to explore if it was more of a depression issue so we took me off of the Concerta and very closely after that I was completely unmotivated, I gained back a lot of weight, I didn’t have that kind of self-control anymore and my grades slipped. I was really depressed.

There are quite a few things that my friends did that helped with my depression and my ADHD. From December to April, I was dating somebody. He quickly became my very best friend. It was a long distance relationship so we talked all the time and he just really helped me see something in myself that I had never been able to see before–a worthiness in me and that I’m a good person. He gave me a different confidence that I’ve never had before. I think during that time where I was off medication and I was struggling so much mentally I don’t think I would have made through those months without him. He was willing to sit with me. If I started crying, he allowed me to feel the way I felt even if it was depressed or excited, whatever it was.

When he and I broke up it was the most difficult time in my life but two of my friends here in Iowa City they really helped me get through it and they listened –as much as I needed. They took me out and helped me have fun and they respected what I was going through and didn’t try to convince me that I was being silly for still having feeling for him or anything like that. They just let me feel the way I was going to feel. They allowed me to keep talking and they would help me to talk though it but they wouldn’t judge me.  They basically asked me questions that restated what I said so I could think of things in a different way too.

[Music]

 

Jessica: What did your friends do to help you have fun?

 

Ellie: These are two girls I worked with. They’re like my sisters. The night that we broke up I had been crying at work and we ended up deciding to play Jenga.  There’s this life-sized Jenga game and we just played that all night and just talked about how much my boyfriend sucked for dumping me and just – it just helped me forget about it and they were there. They both turned off their phones completely, they just focused on me, and it was really nice to have people in my life that cared so much about me that they were willing to put aside their own lives for a night just to help me out because they knew how much I was hurting. They still ask me about how I’m doing with the break-up even today and that helps me a lot because I’m still struggling with it. We broke up on April Fool’s Day.

 

Jessica: Oh.

 

Ellie: Least funny joke in the world. It’s been a few months. If I bring up that boyfriend, they don’t just say, “Oh, my gosh. Really you’re not over him yet? Come on Ellie, really? Really?” but they don’t let me dwell in it.

 

Jessica: So they listen but they don’t let you dwell.

[Music]

 

Jessica: Let’s say you don’t have a mental illness but you have a friend who has a mental illness, what are three qualities of a good friend? How can you be a good friend?

 

Ellie: Being patient, empathetic and respectful.

 

Jessica: So how can a friend be patient?

 

Ellie: For example when I tell a story – I mean there’s a lot times when I’ll start telling it and then I realize that I forgot some background information so I’ll start telling the background information and realize it has nothing to do with the story I was telling. Or I’ll like stutter through it. Don’t visibly look annoyed at me because I know it’s frustrating. Trust me I know it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating for me too. Help me through the story if I forget something. Just remind me briefly. You just have to know that it might take me a couple of minutes.

 

Jessica: And how can a friend be empathetic?

 

Ellie: To be empathetic they need to be willing to understand what you’re going through and if that means doing the research or just sitting down with me and talking about what I have to go through on a daily basis, you have to be willing to try to understand that. Try to put yourself in my shoes. It’s really difficult to put yourself in the shoes of anybody with a physical or mental illness but being empathetic means that you’re willing to try. If you do Google ADHD and depression for instance and you recognize some of those things in me that you read online, you just have to be able to connect those dots.

 

Jessica: How can a friend be respectful?

 

Ellie: To be respectful you have to understand that I’m not stupid; I’m very intelligent.  And it may take me longer for me to do something or I may get really unfocused and I may start going off on a tangent but be respectful: don’t be my mom, don’t be my dad. Just be my friend and help me along the way but don’t try to tell me what to do or how to do something or make me feel bad.

The other hand of respect is just- I know the word retard is something people say and a lot of people have grown up saying it. At least around me try your best not to say it because I do take offense because there are plenty of people that I’ve heard think I’m retarded because I have ADHD, which isn’t the case.

I met somebody the other day that said something about orientation at Iowa. There’s a week-long orientation at the end of August for transfer students or foreign exchange students and somebody made a joke like “Oh, and you know for mental illness kids hahaha” which isn’t funny. You just have to be respectful, and I don’t think saying the R word is ever okay either.  But sometimes you have to really know your audience.

[Music]

 

Jessica: Friends, we’re not done with the Friendship Series. Keep tuning in. Next week we’ll finish this series with Part 3: How to Be a Good Friend When You Have a Mood Disorder. People with Depression, bipolar disorder or other mental illnesses like ADHD and the OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) can benefit from the podcast. And the people who love people with mood disorders and mental illnesses can also learn a lot. But before the next podcast you can always hear other podcasts and read my blogs on the FLIPSWITCH page at www.thebalancedmind.org/flipswitch/podcast. Leave a comment, be heard.

Until next time, this is Jessica Gimeno signing off and saying thank you for listening to FLIPSWITCH.

[Music]

[0:09:34] End of Audio

 

FriendshipPt3Ellie

 

[0:00:00]

[Music]

Jessica: Hello. This is Jessica Gimeno and you are listening to FLIPSWITCH, the podcast and blog that helps teens and 20 somethings understand depression and bipolar disorder. To help us close out the series of three podcasts, called the Friendship Series, I am playing the iconic Friends theme song I’ll Be There For You by the Rembrandts. Part one was called “What not to do when your friend has a mood disorder?” Part two was called “Here’s what to do when your friend has a mood disorder.” And now you are listening to part three:  “How to be a good friend when you have a mood disorder?”

Helping us explore friendship is college student Ellie, who bravely battles depression and ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This podcast is an eye-opener both for people with mental illnesses and those who love them.

Together we’ll discuss obstacles having a mood disorder can present to finding friends. We’ll also talk about something less obvious – the qualities of people with mood disorders that can actually make them great friends.

In the end we will brainstorm three qualities people with mental illnesses should demonstrate in friendships.

[Music]

 

Ellie: Hi, my name is Ellie. I’m 21 years old and I live at Iowa City, Iowa. I’m going to school at the University of Iowa.

 

Jessica: What are your diagnoses?

 

Ellie: I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression in June of 2009.

 

Jessica: What is it about having a mental illness that can be an obstacle to maintaining solid friendships?

 

Ellie: Being able to connect to people or just being able to feel like I can be myself is really difficult sometimes. I experience stigma all the time especially with people that don’t know me as well. The second I say, “I have ADHD,” they look at me like their world had just ended or like I have some magic disease that they might catch. It hurts me but it also helps me see who I shouldn’t be friends with. People think – even my closest friends sometimes, think there is a degree of unintelligence because of my ADHD.

Another obstacle is all my jokes and there are also times where I have pretty much no ability to control what comes out of my mouth sometimes so word vomit with me is prevalent. There will be times where I’ll say things and I didn’t even know they’ve already come out of my mouth until I’ve heard them. Sometimes they can be hurtful and I apologize immediately and sometimes my ADHD makes me do things that I wouldn’t normally do.

I will always take a 100% responsibility for my actions because it is my fault but my ADHD plays a huge factor in who I am and the things I do. So it’s just kind of reaching a level of understanding between me and my friends that it is my fault but there is this thing going on in my brain that sometimes makes it really difficult for me to control what I’m doing even if I have no intention of doing it or I don’t mean it.

 

Jessica: So the things you say sometimes you don’t mean them but they can be hurtful?

 

Ellie: Yeah, I’ll always apologize but there is also the ADHD that’s affecting the things I do and say. Sometimes trying to explain that to people doesn’t always work and they might think I’m making excuses.

 

Jessica: This also happens with other mental illnesses. A lot of people with bipolar disorder – some of them, not all – say things that they don’t mean that they regret later on and they said those things when they were really manic.  Or people with depression can say things when they’re depressed that they don’t really believe.  So you take responsibility for your actions but there is also this other factor that is hugely influencing you and that’s the presence of mental illness.

 

Ellie: I’m in combat with my brain all the time trying to make the right choices. Once my friend was going through a really difficult time with a health problem and I made a joke it about being an STD and that’s not funny.  She looked at me like “what is wrong with you?” And it was funny in my head, but it came out really sarcastic and really inappropriate. She ended up crying and I felt horrible and that’s not something I would ever normally say and it’s not something I would ever normally think.

 

[Music]

Jessica: What do you wish people without mental illnesses understood about people with mental illnesses?

 

Ellie: Our brains just don’t work the same way yours do. We can’t deal with things the same way. Like the break up, there are people that are going to deal with it one way and maybe they will be over it in a week and a half but I can’t get over things that easily. It’s not a one-size fits all. It’s going to be a lot more difficult for me to deal with certain things than it will be for you who don’t have mental illness.

In a certain situation I’m in right now, I’m dealing with somebody who’s constantly negative, badgering everyone and really mean to everyone she’s around. While the other people aren’t as bothered by it, it’s really difficult for me to put that stuff out of my head. All that negativity makes it a lot harder for me to deal with everyday life. The things that are really simple for one person aren’t going to be really simple for another. That’s really important to understand.

 

Jessica: What about having a mental illness can actually make someone a better friend?

 

Ellie: People with ADHD tend to think of really creative solutions to problems. We also have the ability to be hyper focused so if somebody comes to me with a problem I will focus on that person’s problem. I can come up with really creative solutions that maybe somebody else wouldn’t have thought of. It also makes me really sympathetic to other people’s situations. Dealing with what I have to deal with everyday, when somebody comes to me with a problem and I can see that kind of hurt in them, I would do anything to prevent that person from having that kind of pain.

 

Jessica: Can you give an example of a time when you deeply felt another person’s pain?

 

Ellie: One of my really close friends is 21 as well and she has a three-year-old son and the son’s father has never been in the picture. She’s always worked minimum wage jobs to pay for everything for her son. There was a time where she had to pay an outstanding fine and she just didn’t have the money and so I went to my ATM, withdrew $100 and gave it to her and said, “You need this far more than I do. Your son needs it and I care about both of you too much to let anything bad happen to you.”

I also helped her create a budget and helped her set up a bank account, look into college savings plan for her son because her parents had never shown her those things. Being a business major and having my parents who have instilled that stuff in me I felt like it was my duty to help her. I’ve given her some toys that my brothers and I don’t use anymore. I played with her son and I tried to help teach him things.

 

Jessica: What are three qualities people with mental illnesses should demonstrate with friends?

 

Ellie: Being patient, being open and honest, and being willing to take a hundred percent responsibility for your actions. It’s important for people with mental illnesses to be patient. If you don’t have a physical or mental ailment, it’s really tough to understand how the other half lives. Especially with mental illness, it’s hard to imagine how your brain can work any differently than it does already. You have to be willing to explain what you’re going through. Be completely open because you can’t expect anybody else to try and understand you if you will not allow them the information they need to try to be that understanding friend.

 

Jessica: And the third quality?

 

Ellie: Be really responsible for your actions.

 

Jessica: So if you have depression or bipolar disorder and you made plans to go out with somebody and you just didn’t show up, you have to explain to them that you were depressed at that time and you are very sorry?

 

Ellie: If you don’t apologize it makes you look like a jerk for blowing things off. There have been plenty of times where I’ve made plans that I’m so excited about.  And the time will come and I’m just really not feeling it. It’s not anything I can control so I will stay home that night. If I apologize afterwards, most people are willing to say, “You know what? I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were going through something” or “Oh, that’s okay, maybe next time.” But, if you’re not willing to explain your situation, you can’t expect people to be forgiving.

[Music]

 

Jessica: To conclude, people with mental illnesses are constantly overcoming hardship. Because of this they understand the pain more deeply than most people. The ability to feel another person’s pain so deeply as if it were your own is what makes people like Ellie special. Ellie springs to action to help others.

If you don’t have a mental illness, I encourage you to remember the good that people with mental illnesses can bring to relationships not just the obstacles. And if you do have a mood disorder, harness your painful experiences into a force for good. Be like Ellie: Don’t just see other people’s pain. Do something about it!

Thank you for helping me finish these three podcasts in the Friendship Series. Before the next podcast, you can always hear other podcasts and read my blogs on the flipswitch page at http://www.thebalancedmind.org/flipswitch/podcast. Leave a comment, be heard. Until next time, this is Jessica Gimeno signing off and saying thank you for listening to FLIPSWITCH.

 

[Music]

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