Brighter Days...
Looking back to how things used to be...A boy stuck inside wanting so much to be free...The rages that overtook your body everyday...The words that you wanted to speak but could not say
The days went by as you constantly raged... 10+ times a day for up to 5 hours each... Not knowing how to help you... my heart was skipped beats...
You were so aggressive, hurting others without seeming to care... I wanted to hope for a brighter future but could not dare...
The man in your belly who laughed and made you do bad things was always there... Wanting so much for happiness... This all seemed so unfair...
You were so depressed that you longed to die... Being a six-year-old you thought all the ways you could... Wondering about your future all I could do was cry...
Your anxiety was so bad you wanted to do things but your body resisted... Your emotions were so confusing that they seemed to be twisted...
Days were so blue as there was no sunshine in our hearts... We held you for many hours "Therapeutically" and wondered if this was how it would always be.
You were so sick but I did not realize... Aggressive to animals, choking gramma, unbuckling your seatbelt in moving cars...
Aggressive at school, touching your teacher's "Inappropriately" for some reason became normal to me
We got so used of living that way... So much we never thought a change would come... Until one day...
The hardest decision of my life... One which made my heart feel cut like a knife... At six-years-old we sent you away... To a hospital all alone as you begged me "Mommy please don't leave me here... Please I'll be good Momma". I wanted so much to hold you forever and make things okay.
You stayed in that room for 15 of my longest days... Each one you were gone seemed like forever as I prayed that my baby boy would get better.
They were able to fix your medications, keep you safe, watch you all day and night to make sure that you were alright.
When you came home it seemed like a dream. No more terrors in the night, rages or that man in your belly who filled you with fright. I had a chance to meet my sweet boy I always hoped was hiding inside. These days my heart is filled with pride. For I know that the decisions I made were right. One-and-a-half years later you are still here with me. Thankful forever for the changes we've seen. Never thought that things could get better in the past. Now we have brighter days that I hope forever will last. You have changed so much my little man. You smile, are progressing in school, and doing all that you can. Mommy is so proud of all you have done. For Bipolar is a life long journey but these first victories I can proudly say "We've Won"!
To all the other parents whose days seem so blue... Never give up hope... Things can get better then you can ever believe... If you only imagine and keep fighting to succeed.
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Janice from MA
Beautiful and just what I needed to read!
--
Kimberly (mom to 3 kids and 1 pup)
Husband (my love, my honey, great father)
DD (10), BP, SAD, Lithodbid, Tegretol, Seroquel, Geodon Omega 3
DS (6), PDD-NOS, Omega 3, Melatonin
DD (2)
You have me in tears (but in a good way!) Particularly "I had a chance to meet my sweet boy"
Thank you for sharing this! This being an especially vulnerable time for me and my Son on our journey to find the right meds, this really hit home. It gave me hope and encouragement and strength. I hope our happy ending is near...and your happy ending made my heart smile.
--
~Catherine, trying not to lose her mind in Chicago
Proud Mom to boys: RJ, age 7 - BP/NOS currently on 750mg Depakote waiting to increase to reach therapeutic levels, also on 1.0ml 2x's a day Risperidone.
Bennett, age 3 - my ray of light
So happy for your ds!
--
Jackie aka mom2one
General & Med board moderator, FRT
Mom to Mr. 17 (dx'd at age 4), Bipolar, Psychotic Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, PDD, Cognitive Disorder
Meds: Seroquel 900 mg., Risperdal 9.0 mg., Lamictal 600 mg., Lithium 1250 mg., DDAVP, and Synthroid .150 mcg
Fish Oil and Vitamin D
IEP, Therapeutic School
Married to my best friend and rock for 21 years!
Janice.
Thank you. I'm writing this through tears. I sometimes can't believe the stories of hope. But tonight I do.
Edrex
--
dad to:
Rebel (daughter), 9, not stable (dr has not officially diagnosed her as BP yet. In two weeks, she will be assessed at a clinic that specializes in childhood BP), Tenex 1mg (was on Zoloft 25 mg for 11 days and the bottom dropped out so we stopped that)/ melatonin (for sleep). Will start Omega-3 shortly. Entering 4th grade, gifted program; and
Linus, 7, strong-willed, anxious, currently well-controlled asthma
Eliot, 7, peacemaker, eager to please, God's most patient creature (oh, yeah, and dyslexic, but doing amazingly well)
married to:
Jess, best partner in the world (despite passionate disagreements), her severe depression is currently under control (when she was hospitalized a year ago, I thought I'd lost her for good. But finding the right dosage has been nothing short of miraculous.)
--THANK YOU SO MUCH,THANK YOU!
PATTY
Thank you Janice. I came here tonight in search of hopeful stories. I am crying now - I am where you were. I am so happy for you that your DS has found some stability. I pray for that too.
--
GIA, pediatric OT, 42
DH, pianist, 48
DS, 9, 4th grd, dx w/BP 11/09, taking Abilify
DD, 5, my dessert in life (usually ;0) )
I long for the day that I get my boy back. I hope we are on that path.
Thanks for story of hope. Needed that today.
--
Gayle - Rhuematoid arthritis, married and stay at home mom - From Canada
9 year old son - mood dysregulation - possible biopolar, learning disability NOS
empower plus, omega 3, Vitamin C, probiotics, fiber supplement, aminos, inositol
He is suspended from the public school system for a year right now. Allowed to go back April 23, 2011
16 year old son
25 year old daughter, married, one daughter
--Thank you for sharing this I am in tears just hoping and praying one day I will see the twinkle back in my little girls eyes again.
Cheryl-Lynn Medina
Thank you Janice! Very beautiful written and so full of hope. I'm very happy for you and your DS.
--
Armistice, 40, somedays I don't know if I'm cut out for this!
Roger, 39, "The Hubby", tries his best!
The daughters
J, age 10, adopted at 1 month, Bipolar 1 mixed
Abilify 15mgs, Trileptal 1,200mgs, Omega 3
M, typical 8 yr. old, adopted 2 days old.
Thank you! There is hope?! I am happy for your family, but I am still sad for mine! I am cherishing the few good times, the moments when I get a glance at my baby that I know is still present somehwhere admist the confusion and anger. But you message is loud and clear to me, fight everyday for your child! They deserve it, regardless of how hard it is on us!
Thank you and God bless your family
Jessica
G, 8 BP but undiagnosed currently no meds and getting worse
A, 5 G's bff, forgiving, tough, and a pure joy