Our Psyc has said our daughter most likely has bipolar but does not want to make a formal diagnosis at this stage, she is 11
Hi, I have bipolar, and had symtpoms from around age 10 but was not diagnosed till age 30 :( am now 40 and even though I experience some symptoms every day, I still feel fairly well in control. If that makes sence?!
our daughter is now 11 and we have had an 18mth struggle for someone to listen to us about her symtpoms, which are all very similar to my own.
At this stage our Psyc does not want to formally diagnosis nor medicate as he (&we) are worried about the side effects as she is very bright academically and that is the one thing in life she really enjoys.
At times it is very hard watching her going through an episode, while I remember all my own baggage of when I was the same age and behaving out of control like she does, but just being punished for it.
At other times, it is really hard to control the rage building up inside of me as my daughter is in my face screaming at me how much she hates me and wants to kill me or her self. so far I have managed to put myself into time out, have a shower, call parent help line, call my husband, anything, so I don't escalate out of control.
we have not discussecd with her that she could have this illness as I did not want to burden her with it as she has seen me in and out of psyc wards her whole life and I don't want her to think that this how she will be. If our psyc does formally diagnosis it and she is on meds, then yes we will tell her. We just started a new cousellor who my daughter actually likes, and who she told some of her feelings too. It was a beautiful thing to see my girl admit to these things (as she has been in denial), but at the same time so sad that she is experiencing them.
I suppose I just wanted to chat to other mums (or dads), who have this illness and their children have it too. What works for you? How do you get through a day without just wanting to totally give up? I don't mean quit the world, but just stop trying? As that is how I feel right now.
Hi,
I'm in a similar situation. My daughter is 11. She has had symptoms since 2 or 3 yrs old. We had to do something to help her. She was miserable and sad all the time. It was horrible to know that my family is genetically responsible for her having this. My brother is also bipolar. My grandmother and great aunt had schitzophrenia. My father had early onset Alzheimer's.
I try not to feel resentful when my sweet husband explains my daughter's outburst. He always makes comments that I have it and "no one" in his family does. I do feel sad to know she has so many of the same thoughts I did/do. I keep reminding her: I am still here, I married, have 3 kids, a great career and friends. She can get through this tough time. She knows she is bipolar and the medications are helping her. She feels un-normal and sad and scared.
I hope you find out soon about her diagnosis. My daughter felt isolated being different until she knew what it was. I know how hard it was to seek help and then to accept the help offered.
Good luck.
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Mom J-41 bipolar/borderline personality/anxiety
Dad M-41 anger issues
Middle Sister M-13 hoping she stays healthy
Little Sister J-11 diagnosed bipolar/anger issues/also has schizophrenic type symptoms
Very empathic older sister A-19
HI....
I am bi polar as well as my 11 year old daughter. she was diagnosed at age 6 after an in patient stay at a local psych hospital. There were days before I was stable on my meds where I really couldnt care for her properly......staying in bed all day, making her microwave meals bcuz I couldnt get up the energy to cook a real meal....but now that I have been stable for over 2 years on my meds I may have a day or two a month where I feel OFF or just not right, and I just tell her that and she understands.....There are more like 5 days per month now where she tells me she isnt feeling right or good. She has a major med change about 6 months ago now, and she is like a whole new kid, actually happy again about things, and starting to be social again and make new friends.....The rages are no longer 3 hours long and way less frequent.
Life has been hard, but is starting to look up for the both of us again, there were times that were tough as she knew I was in the hospital and she would have to be with friends or family. Now she has major seperation anxiety from me......so we are still working on that.
She refuses to sleep in her own room or bed.....and I pick my battles with her, so I allow her to sleep in my bed during the week, so I know she sleeps good to be able to get up for school the next day. On the weekend we stay at my boyfriends home with him and his 3 kids.....she will then sleep on the bottom queen bunk with one of the girls, without fight.
I hate that I am most likely the reason she has this disorder, but I guess it is what it is. I did have my tubes tied at a very young age becuz I knew I couldnt go through this again with a possibility of having another child that ends up having bi polar disorder.....It was very hard on me for the first few years of her onset of the disorder.....I was manic most of the time.....NOT GOOD....
I am a single parent, to my child......her dad doesnt agree with her DX, and probly never will....but he at least gives her the meds she is prescribed without argument this past year. He use to so easily forget to give her the meds she was prescribed, and then she would come home after a weekend there and be outta control and even very sad, crying, and or just out of sorts......
Well I forgot what my point was, so I will stop rambling for now......but only til my next post......LOL
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TIff
Oak creek,wi
I am bi-polar and so is my 11 year old daughter, she has also been diagnosed ADHD, has depression, and is also suffering from Seperation anxiety. 5th graader in a regular ed classroom
Tiff,
Welcome to TBMF. You could as easily have posted this under the forum for success stories! I'm so happy for you that you are stable, your dd is stable, and her dad gives her her meds. My ds15 had trouble sleeping for many years until we discovered, by accident, that he needed another body in the bed with him. It turned out that our old cat worked just fine, lol. When she died, we got him a young cat, and now he usually has 2 cats sleeping with him at night. I don't know if a pet fits into your life at this time, but it is worth considering.
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17 1/2, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 16, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 1/2 & H, 11 1/2
Married 18 years to DH, 51
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
I wasn't dx'd BP until after my sons became ill. I had always managed to get through my depressions, and the periods of hypomania were just really productive times in my life :-) Now I just physically can't take the hypomania, and the depressions are worse the older I get. I had the hardest time dealing with my sons' illness when I was not in a good way. I also have a long family hx of mental illness and SA, but no one was clearly dx'd 50 or 70 years ago. We are not at fault for having DNA; it is not your fault your children are ill. It is to your credit that you have recognized it and taken action to help them early in their illness.
You're doing a great job of removing yourself from your child's presence when she is out of control. It took me awhile to learn to do that with my kids. My dh is still working on that... Some parents really benefit from counseling for themselves, to help them cope with the everyday reality of having a child with mental illness. It is tough, it's a long haul, so don't ever feel bad seeking help for yourself.
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Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 15, BP,AS, mild hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 50
FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
I completely understand where you are coming from. There are times when I am sick that I just can't handle taking care of my son (he is 4) so there are gaps in between appointments with doctors. He is what keeps me on my meds and when I am feeling well I try to get as many appts and specialists done as possible!
My daughter is also 11. I've had bipolar most of my life (started at age 3) and we just finally got her diagnosed. The school had to get involved in saying there was a problem. They describer her as "emotionally unstable", "on a watch list for how severely depressed she appears", and is often caught "pretending to be a dog at recess rather than playing with friends as other normal 5th graders do". Where I live, the policy of most psychiatrist is not to diagnose bipolar until the age of 13 since "bipolar starts with puberty". I finally found a new psychiatrist to look at the situation-see that the diagnosis of ADHD with anxiety disorder didn't fit and the meds for that don't work for her. This doctor does believe that symptoms can present prior to puberty and they are inherited genetically (most doctors out here don't believe that idea either). She spent an hour and a half with us talking about her symptoms, said it's almost too easy and any other doctor who didn't realize she was bipolar needed to return to school. According to this psychiatrist, my daughter has a rare presentation of the disorder, but most definately the easiest presentation to diagnose. Her symptoms are clearly presented as if it was a case of adult bipolar disorder. They think the reason for the advanced presentation is the social environment. Myself and her biological father, her adoptive father, my father, and my sister all have different varieties of the disorder. I have an extremely rebellious side with lots of rage, my father is quick to act with fear of consequences, my husband (adoptive father) is quick to rage. She lives every day seeing the disorder in action.
We've talked to her about it and explained to her that we as well have the same problem that she has. Her's is just a little different from ours, and we pointed out the aforementioned differences between all of ours. We explained to her what a trigger is and that she has become a trigger for both my husband and myself. We told her that if she wanted the punishments and anger to stop, then she needed to stop "pushing our buttons". Prior to getting her formally diagnosed, I think she was in denial and kept triggering both of us, despite our warnings to her. (It got to the point my husband put a hole through the wall and a couple doors to avoid punching her). Since the formal diagnosis, she's just starting the meds and she's on such a low dose right now-so I don't think it's the meds having an effect on her yet (magic dose is supposed to be 10 mg and she's on 2.5 mg)- but she's definately stopped pushing our buttons so much.
I started my psychiatrist "shopping" by going to a psychiatrist that does adult and child and trying them out for myself. If I didn't like the doctor, or they didn't agree with the idea that symptoms can present prior to puberty-I didn't take her to see them. I went on to a different doctor "seeking help for my condition". We have an issue and can go to the doctors (several of them) without causing any "alarm" since we have an illness to be seen for.
I, too, live with the guilt of "giving" this illness to my child, and it's something that's gonna take lots of time, and therapy, to come to terms with. My son is 7, and I always noticed that he was very much like me...having rages like I did, being sad and lethargic like I was at times, ect. He had his first Manic episode at 6, and it was a DOOSIE!! Someone who doesn't have this disorder never would have recognised it, just chalked it up to bad behavior and punnished him. I could tell he was totally out of control. The trick is, keeping yourself healthy, while trying to get them healthy. Taking your meds, getting enough rest (yeah, right!), eating well, and getting excercise everyday is so hard to do WITHOUT a bipolar child...I've been trying to include G in my own treatment plan. We take our meds together, we take a walk together after dinner, and we go to bed early together, too, so he doesn't feel like he's singled out.
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Mom of N and G
We've talked to her about it and explained to her that we as well have the same problem that she has. Her's is just a little different from ours, and we pointed out the aforementioned differences between all of ours. We explained to her what a trigger is and that she has become a trigger for both my husband and myself. We told her that if she wanted the punishments and anger to stop, then she needed to stop "pushing our buttons". Prior to getting her formally diagnosed, I think she was in denial and kept triggering both of us, despite our warnings to her. (It got to the point my husband put a hole through the wall and a couple doors to avoid punching her).
Now that your dd is getting treatment, would it be possible for you and your dh to start family therapy? It is so important to realize that unstable kids have little control over their behavior. I am guessing that as much as she is a trigger for you and your dh, you are also a trigger for her. Parents usually seem to be, even if they don't have BP themselves. Almost all parents here find that punishment does nothing to curb behaviors, because punishment works by helping a person learn to avoid something in the future , and kids with BP are not capable of learning to control behaviors while unstable.
It is also critical that we, the parents with BP, get adequate treatment for our own illness, or we will not be able to help our kids become stable. Taking care of yourself is a priority--a common analogy is that you put the oxygen on yourself before putting it on your child. There are also studies which show that parents with unstable mental illness have more symptomatic children than parents without unstable mental illness. I can believe that. Of course it's often a viscious cycle, since it's hard to get stable when your child is raging ever day. Once I finally got stable things it was definitely easier to help my sons find stability.
I hope the new medications help your dd. If she was being treated for depression and ADHD, it will take a while for the efffects of those meds on her BP to wear off. AD's and stims can cause rapid cycling and mania, not a pretty sight! Here is a link to the Expert Treatment Guidelines. Hopefully she will be able to calm down fairly soon, and that will help both you and your dh as well.
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17 1/2, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 16, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 1/2 & H, 11 1/2
Married 18 years to DH, 51
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.