You are NOT a bad mom.  It is so hard to be a parent, let alone a child with something wrong.  And when you have BP yourself it just can make things unbearable at times.  I know I have always had BP but was only diaignosed in my 20's.   

I have many days where I yell at my kids, mostly when I've missed my meds.  One day I blew up at my son over homework.  It sent him into a terrible crying fit that lasted seemingly forever.  He was screaming he wanted to die and I had to call my mother to leave work and come to try and calm him.  I still feel so gulity but I know it wasn't entirely my fault.  Yes I should have acted differently but he may not have had such a strong reaction had he not been in a bad place himself.

I think the best we can do is to try and take a step back for a moment and learn from our mistakes.  I often lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes just because I need to and I know if I don't I feel like I'm just going to loose it.  I've also learned that taking proper care of myself, meds and therapy, helps me help them.  And then there are those days when you're like "why did I have kids in the first place?"  I hate it when those thoughts creap in.  You think if I never had them they wouldn't be subjected to me!

I would suggest you read up about her meds, if you haven't already.  When it comes to side effects I sometimes check with the pharmacist because they know so much.  You are right to have her treated now.  It sounds like you're not happy and she probably isn't eaither.  I often wonder how my life would have been different if I had been treated as a child.  It was hard feeling like there was something different about you and you didn't know what.  I wasn't a happy child and if someone had recognised my BP then I may have has such a happier exsistance.  I've had other parents who are schocked that I would give my child these medications but it is just not fair to not let your child have that chance at life.  If she had a heart defect you'd have the surgery so why not treat this?  It is a real condition, even in kids.

Hang in there! 

--

Simon- 10, bipolar and ADHD
Duncan- 5
Wesley- 4

Sara- mom, Bipolar and panic disorder
Colin, dad

 Mandee,

You are absolutely not a bad mom.  But it is imperative that parents with mood, anxiety or any other disorders take care of themselves.  I know I was not doing my best at being "mom" when I was severely depressed.  And hypomania gets me so revved up, it can't be good for the kids, either.  I think as parents with BP, we need to try and set a good example for our kids by taking good care of ourselves, taking our meds as prescribed, exercising and eating right.

Having said all that, I think almost everyone here has yelled at their BP kid before.  Well, we've all probably yelled at our non-BP kids, too!  That's just part of being human.  You can't beat yourself up over it, just try to learn from it and go on, as Sara said.

Also, are you certain the Zoloft isn't contributing to her instability right now?  You know a lot of folks with BP cannot tolerate SSRI's.  They made both of my boys manic, and they made me hypomanic.  That might be something to talk to the pdoc about.  Have you read the Expert Treatment Guidelines yet?  They are very helpful to understanding the standard medical treatment for BP in kids.

If you are feeling so overwhelmed right now, it's probably time to call your own pdoc and see if something can be tweaked in your treatment.

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, levothyroxin, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 49

If CABF has helped you, please help CABF. Donate today. http://www.bpkids.org/donate?campaign=forums2010

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

hi,im  new to this .iv been looking for some where like this im bp and so is my daughter age 12 .2 years ago when we started her on meds i was having a terrible time with getting her up and ready for school her therapist suggested i give her meds about 1 hour befor she has to get up.i go to her room say honey just set up take your pills .she does almost with out waking up then when its time to get up every things in her system this little trick has done wonders for our morning rutine .she is on abilify and concerta .untill i got on the right meds for me and made sure i took them on time every day life was not too  good.life is not perfict but is better thanks for every one for being here.

I have heard of that  technique, too, especially for kids who need stims to get going in the morning.  I'm glad that works so well for your dd.

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, levothyroxin, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 49

If CABF has helped you, please help CABF. Donate today. http://www.bpkids.org/donate?campaign=forums2010

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

 I too question my parenting skills.  I have been bipolar since I was eight when I tried to killmyself for the first time.  I have only been on meds for the last four years.  Night and Day!  Lithium was the magic drug.  It has helped with any thoughts of hurting myself and I can tell a big difference when interacting with my kids.  The times when things are the worst is when Maggie becomes violent with me,  Sam or Jennie.  She will hit and kick, ruin property (like DS video console,) throw things and just last night she hit my son with boots because we wanted to watch the football game and she had to go to a different room to watch TV. I have had to pull her off and push and pull hair.  I have tried restraining and it is almost impossible.  Calling the police in the middle of it is hard because well.... I'm in the middle of it.  When she finally calms down she usually leaves the room but not before she throws things at us.  I feel terrible after these outbursts and blame myself for getting out of control.  I feel even worse for my other kids who are either getting the brunt of her anger or are left wondering "aren't you going to do something? Make her leave and live somewhere else. You punish me for things that aren't even close to as bad as what she does!"  We all live in constant fear of what will set her off next and it is guaranteed that consequences will do just that.  My husband and those close to me say "You're not tough enough.  Take her cell phone away for a month.  Don't allow her to ride ever again.  Take everything away."  As a mother with BP I know that it isn't all her fault and I try to explain that to my other kids but they are still resentful.  I do take away things in small increments and try to give her a couple choices for consequences ie. Your phone will be gone for two days or you have to come home straight after school for two days.

The one thing that helps me to keep my head is staying on my meds even when I think I could go off them.  Making sure that Maggie is taking her meds as well.  Trying to do something special with each of my kids every week.  And trying to keep in mind that taking one minute at a time with BP is the only way to move forward positively.  I also do take Lorizapam when I know an outburst is coming and I try to anticipate so that I can remove my other kids.  It's an ongoing battle though and I don't think that as parents we ever feel we are doing the best we can.  All you can do is take it slow, stay calm and try to keep everyone safe.  And also don't beat yourself up.

I don't know if that helps but I can totally relate and you are not alone.

--

Me- 42 Bipolar - 200mg Lamictal, 150mg Seroquel, 450mg Lithium twice a day, 1mg Lorizapam as needed
DH - 52
Maggie - 16 Bipolar - 200 mg Lamictal and 200 mg Wellbutrin in the AM and 200 mg Wellbutrin and 20 mg Abilify in the PM
Samuel - 14
Jennifer - 10

step-d - 15 adhd and learning disabled
step-son - 21 still living at home and irresponsible

I am new here and am relieved to learn there are others in my predicament.  Until now I had yet to discover other BP moms of BP children.  I was thinking: Great. There's info readily available to help non-BP parents of BP children or help for non-BP family members living with a BP parent.  As a BP mom with my own 12 year old daughter who is  BP, I just figured I was totally screwed for asnwers to cope with  this scenario. 

Having that said, I take concerta, clonazepan and cymbalta to treat my mood disorder.  I know I wouldn't function without these medications, however, I am hesitant to want my daughter to be programmed to the same dependency.  She had been taking concerta and triliptal last school year.  They seemed to help at first a great deal, but less and less as the school year came to a close.  Then during summer break we deceided to "try it out" without the meds.  She was noticably much more irritable and moody when taking the meds than when off.  It is now the second grading period of this school year and my daughter is failing two classes, barely passing two others and doing alright with just one. She used to get mostly A's and a couple B's.  She is simply unravelling before me and I am just confused and unsure what sort of therapy/ies or meds, if any, would benefit her.  I have heard great things about neurofeedback and am wondering if that would prove beneficial to us both.

Any feedback/recommendations/ideas are welcome and appreciated.

xx

Welcome to CABF.  You are certainly not alone.  I don't know what the statistics are, but since there is a genetic component to BP, I'm sure there are quite a few moms and dads with BP who have children with BP.  Not to mention all the moms and dads who develop depression while caring for their BP kids.

You said your dd did well at first on that med combination, but then began to deteriorate.  A lot of kids with BP cannot take stims; they often seem to help initially, but then start to trigger hypomanic or manic sx.  Perhaps the Trileptal was actually good for her, and maybe a little lithium.  What exactly are her sx right now?  Is she having trouble concentrating, are her thoughts going too fast or feel crowded? 

I have heard a little talk of neurofeedback, although I don't know how helpful it is for BP.  You could try a search on the BP site to find some old threads about it.

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, levothyroxin, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 49

If CABF has helped you, please help CABF. Donate today. http://www.bpkids.org/donate?campaign=forums2010

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.