HOW COULD i DO THIS TO MY OWN KID?
At 4days old I was adopted by my mom and dad. By the time I was 5 my mom had taken my sister and I from the state leaving my dad with no idea of what had happened and no explanation to us. Soon after she decided that we were to much and sent us back to live with our dad. Who then hired an abusive babysitter who for the next 5 years verbal physically and sexually abused and had others abuse me. So when I began to act out it was me acting out being "bad". I was engaging in dangerous behavior by the time I was 10 and was preg. by the time I was 14. At 14 I found myself in a inpatient treatment hospital for the next 4 mths where I was diag. Manic Deprsiive. personality disorder. I was given Lithium and haldol but as soon as I was released refused to EVER take medication again! I bounced around running away ect for another 2 yrs till I again got pregnant with my now 16 y/o son. Untill I met my now husband at 24 I was what they would call a "hot mess" None is really relavent other than I was an unmediacted bi polor PMDD suffering lunatic.
I married my husband and we had our first son together Joey now 8. My Joey has always been the sweetest most caring little boy I have ever known. He will spend hours just cuddled up in our arms. I was extremly sick while pregnant with my daughter Erin now 6. Joey would sit by me and rub my back as I lay on the floor inbetween puking. You would look in his eyes and see the true miracle of a living God's love. Now joey is 8 and he is still my sweet little boy but he is lost and I can't find him with the death stares and the mean I hate yous and the screaming choking outburst that now plege him. because of me. How selfish am I that I would have children knowing that I carry this gene!? I just feel so defeated everyday. First I give him this then I can't even help make it better for him. I am so lost ladies and I sure hope I have found a map here on this forum.
Sara Bi-polar taking 300mg lamictol and 100mg zoloft mother of 3 amainzing children, Shawn 16 no longer medicated teen with Asburger"s, Joey 8 y/o Bi-polar ODD brillant young boy taking 25 mg of lamictol 2x's a day. Erin my beautiful 6 y/o princess caught in all this mess just trying to get attention while Daddy is out of state working.
((((((((hugs))))))) Please don't beat yourself up about this. You are strong and healthy and in a good place in your life. Your ds will get there too with your help. And because you have been through it all you have a much more clear understanding of what he is going through. Parenting is hard when you have so called normal children. Please get yourself therapy and parenting classes and support groups and anything else you can think of so that you can feel good about what you are doing to help him. Maybe you can get respite care for your ds so you can spend time with your dd. And while yes you carry the gene, that by no means guarantied that you would pass it on to your children. Your children are so lucky to have such a caring mom. You will get through it and your children will thrive. Just like you.
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Karenj
Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Mood Disorder NOS (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with 504 only but failing miserably, Abilify 7mg evenings, Concerta 36mg before school
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes raging
You had so many traumas in your own childhood, who's to say how you would have been, or if your mood disorder genes would have expressed themselves if you had been raised in a calm and loving home? We all have bad genes for something (well most of us, anyway), but the BP genes are vague and undefined, and it's more of a predisposition than an actual passing on of an illness. Huntington's disease or cystic fibrosis are diseases caused by specific genes, and there is a known 25%/50% etc risk for passing those on. BP is not like that. It is perfectly possible to have a child who is fine, and remains fine, even if you have BP.
Don't blame yourself, get counseling if you need it, and be sure to take care of yourself while caring for your ds.
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Brenda,51, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 15, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol
B, 13 & H, 11
Married 17 years to DH, 50
FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
Sara, First - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We cannot know what combination of genes plus what environmental ("epigenetic") factors will combine in a person's life to cause illness. My own mother had schizophrenia, but us kids did not, so no genes, right? Wrong. It skipped, and was passed on to the next generation. But what exactly was passed on? We are human beings full of flaws. We strive to overcome our inherent weaknesses. Some may pass on diabetes even without genes but because of the epigenetics. But look what else we pass on - brilliance, compassion, humor, love. We never know, and especially with things like bipolar and schizophrenia, it is NOT a one-to-one genetic thing.
We all go through this grief and some self-blame. We need to get over it and change our focus. It is hard, but you have already succeeded in spite of so much adversity in your life, you can do this, too. You are awesome. No blame allowed ;-)
--"Naomi"
It's Not Mental
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar: After over 13 years - stable off psych meds over a year. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD with disabling migraines since infancy. After over 15 years, is "recovered" for 4 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.
Thank you Naomi I needed that. Sometimes I get caught in the pitty party. I have to look at is now because I know how it feels to have BP I can better take care of him. Another person may not be able to realate and be as sympothetic to his needs. See that is why I joined thanks again! Onward and upward!
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Sara BP I with hyper mania Lamectol 300 mg daily and zoloft 100 mg daily
Shawn 16y/o High functioning Asbergers no longer medicated after overcoming AD/HD auditory processing, post tramatic brain ask and I will tell you all the meds he was on
Joey 8 y/o Bi-Polar AD/HD ODD lamectol 50 mg twise a day and Residol in AM
Erin 6 y/o just trying to get attention in this crazy house while missing daddy who is working in another state.
I feel like I just read my own thoughts! I often feel guilty for "giving" my 2 kids this "problem". I try to remember that I'm the only one here for them that has a full understanding of what it's like to laugh one minute & want to rip someone's head off the next. My kids know that I have the same problem as them & that we can all work together to stay healthy & strong for each other. I am very fortuante to have a husband who is completely supportive & protective but he unfortunatly doesn't always understand the way our brains work. Please know you are not alone & neither am I now that I found this site & other parents that are in the same boat. -Janet
Cj 10yo ADHD-IT, mood disorder NOS w/ aggression, oppositionality, mood lability & sleep disturbance / Meds: Risperdal & Zoloft
Haley 8yo ADHD-combined, mood disorder NOS, IED, ODD, & eating disorder / Meds: Seroquel