I have been diagnosed with with Bipolar, OCD, as well as anxiety disorder. My 7 year old daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar as well. And no, I never get the chance to be ill. It is good and bad. It keeps me from laying around and being depressed, but when I am moody it makes that part worse. Sometimes, I just NEED to lay down and do nothing, but my daughter demands every second of my time. My four year old son suffers in many ways from all this. Sometimes i do feel sorry for myself. It seems like nobody in the entire world understands what it is like in my house, when really there are poeple who get it.  I can totally relate, I think we need room to be depressed, or else I don't feel like I can be as good of a mother without that. So right now, I would say I am a pretty lousy mom...

 Well spookens, I am here in the cyber world (crappy speller that I am LOL) and I get it - so badly it hurts. It just sucks - the only good side of it is that because I have this, and had it at the same age my daughter is I think oddly I am a MUCH better mom than my mom ever was in the understanding department, my mom was all about shaming, blaming, anger, and her favorite, egnoring me for ages. She did not know I was bipolar (had she stoped for two minutes to think about any of it she would have known she was a RN for goodness sake). At least I listen, and talk, I can so understand her side of it and I really hope someday she gets that - right now she is in the middle of her own personal hell and she can not possibly see me as anything but what she sees me as - no idea what that is anymore. What kills me is I used to be her hero. I miss her. I think that is the worst thing of all, because of my illness no one really likes me and now the person who thought I was just the best looks at me like I just suck (not all the time but enofe)

OK I am going to stop now - this sounds so pathetic :) LOL  but know that I get it, really I do.

--

DD 9 BP
DD 5 ADHD
myself BP since a child only diagnosed a couple years ago
dh - should be sainted ;)

 Somehow we have to find the time to allow ourselves to deal with our own bipolar.    I know its not easy but it is so necessary for our own mental health.    Finding someone to give you a break is a good thing if you can find someone who is willing.     Taking an extra long bath with the door locked and music playing allows you to cry.     Laying in bed with the covers pulled up over your head when the kids are in school and just letting yourself feel sad, angry, whatever.   Let the housework go for a day and just sit around and read a book, or watch tv or something that helps you feel better.     The housework isn't going anywhere so forget about it just for a day or two.

I can't emphasize how important it is for us to find a way to take care of ourselves.     Its important for all parents raising children with bp but it is especially true for us.    It's not selfish at all to allow yourself to take the time for yourself to deal with all the emotions that swirl around in our heads.      Having a tdoc to talk to is great too.

As my daughters got older they understood that mom was ill too and they were able to allow me to take care of myself.     Somedays its still not that easy.

Just don't let yourself get to the place that you are the one in the hospital because you forgot about yourself.

We all deserve to be healthy and not allowing ourselves to let it all out will never get us there.

--

Roberta Teen4 co- moderator with Janice, Chat Team Leader, Family Response Team, BringChange2Mind volunteer
Mom to Kathy and Susie 21yr old twins
Lamictal, clonopin for me
Lamictal, abilify, clonopin for Kathy and Susie
Married to Dh Brian Sr. 29yrs
DS Brian Jr. 27yrs
Living in New Jersey hoping to move some day

I felt like that a lot when my kids were young.  I had depression and BPII and didn't know it at the time.  I thought it was that hard for all moms of young kids, and maybe it is, although I've seen quite a few really laid back moms with lots of kids.   That sure wasn't me!

Once I started getting help for my own issues, I realized how important it was for me to be well in order to help  my kids.  My dh has been supportive in this, and when I am stressed out or depressed, he usually steps up to the plate, so to speak.  I have found that exercise, in particular, is a vital part of being well.  It's so easy to get busy and say you don't have time, but if you prioritize it, you'll find the time.  It is really, really helpful in keeping depression at bay.

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 15 1/2, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, levothyroxin, inositol
B, 12 1/2 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 49

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

wow after reading "Do You Get To Be Ill I felt i was the only one who felt so drained and overwhelmed by a child's mental illness i feel i can get through i feel stronger but....... he is not home from school yet i just feel better knowing i can connect with others who are going though the same

 I never get to be ill, I so feel your pain! There have been days that the only reason I got out of bed was because they needed to be watched, fed and occupied (younger days). I take some time here and there but I am just plain exhausted and my moods cycle as well.

I hope you get some rest.

--

Jenn 31 in Mass.
undiagnosed bipolar until ag 24 currently stable. In the middle of a brutal custody battle with my youngests sons father.
DS 10 (abandoned by his father because of his mental health issues and need to be medicated) nonverbal learning disability, anxiety disorder, ADHD, and a mood disorder likely early onset bipolar 300mg tripletal 2x daily and .10mg of clonidine
DS 7 no diagnosis, extremely angry, irritable, mood swings, trouble in school. Hoping some answers soon.
DH 33 (stepfather to my sons) brave enough to take us all on and love us through it all.

I think in general moms don't get to be ill.  There are many times in the past 16 years I have slogged through the day with the worst cold or bronchitis, the flu, severe HA's, all because I'm a mom and I don't get "sick days".  I remember back to my pre-mothering days when I could call in sick to my job for any of those illnesses.  I think the same thing happens with mental illness--we can't stop being parents day in and day out just because we're anxious, depressed or manic.  But we really do need to try to take care of ourselves as much as possible.

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, mild hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 50

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

I feel that exact way, I too am BP and some other things as well, but i feel like all i want to do sometimes is crawl into my bed, pull my covers over my head, and not leave for a week. I get depressed too, i am ill too but i dont get to be. I have to work a full time job and take care of two kids, one "sick" one, Bp and ADHd and the other is an extremely difficult one, ODD possibly... We know he has ADHD for sure, but my god the fits he throws is beyond me these days, over everything too, its perhaps just a bad temper but still, anyways got off topic a moment sorry. I just dont know anymore, I dont even get to see my pdoc anymore, i just dont have time for myself between two kids and a husband, 2 cats, work, thier doc appts, i seem to neglect myself alot. Sigh.... Regardless, i know how you feel, its sad and lonely if you ask me. I usually use the half hour it takes me to get home from work for my reflection/cry time, i usually just bawl and sometimes i yell, it makes me feel better.  BLAH! Even right now its like everyone in this house wants something from me, probably because i am on my laptop having some me time... ugh... :( 

If you ever need to vent or chat, im here. 

--

Self 30, Working full time , BP dx at age 15, Panic disorder, Borderline personality, OCD, Mother to 2 boys. End of rope with BP DS.

DS 6 yr old = Bipolar and ADHD diagnosed
DS 4 yrs old
DH 34, Going nuts with DS behavior, doesnt know what to do anymore or how to deal with it.

darkndheart,

You really need to take care of your physical and mental health.  It is so important for you to be in top form in order to be able to take care of your kids.  Go see your pdoc, take a longer route home :-) 

I hear you about getting on the computer--everyone in my house, including dh, like to bug me when I'm on the computer.

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, mild hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 50

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

Hi All.

I am new to this site and thank goddness I have found it. That one statement "you are not alone" gave me a sigh of releif...

I was diagnosed at the age of 11 with Manic Depression, at that time it was not a common diagnosis and I have to admit was not treated as a mental illness until severl years later (in my case) but instead I was considered an issue of a child with behavioral issues and being a brat or selfish... My parents had no clue how to deal with my moods, I was always thought to be "out of control" when I had a fit and everyone just thought "what a brat" my mom was exhausted, embarassed and she her self felt out of control (she was years later diagnosed with mental health issues too) The one thing that I constantly recall during my manic time was that I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I could not stop, I felt compelled and once set on melt down mode, could not shut off and sometimes just didnt care... as time progressed (and after being put in a pysc ward at age 11, with young teens that clearly did have severe mental helath issues far worse then me being a "brat", which I must add made me feel ashamed and bitter because I felt I was not them and simply wanted to talk, learn to cope and escape, distroyed me and my trust in my parents for many years)  I was extreemly creative, and often used that to take myself away from my reality.  I blanched against athority, felt strong in my convictions and yet never not once thought about suicide (I have been documented in many medical reports as being clearly an anomimally for someone with defind bipolar) I struggled with taking risks, self lothing and a feeling of worthlessness for most of my life.  It consumed me.  When I was 13 I met a young counsellor and she literally transformed my idea of Bipolar and how I could cope.  Its not to say I still didnt act out for several years, but because I personally refused medication after 2 years of being a zombie (and because of my "behavioral" issues my parents signed off on parental gaudianship), I figured out how to recognize and manage my disorder... to a point. Inevitably, I would hit my 10 year mark and like clock work, my world would fall apart... Surly there were many trigors, but for a normal person its easy to survive, for a person with BP its a fight to even breath and then the walls come crashing down.  In the past 15 years I have been married (divorced and now married to an amazing man) and had 2 kids...(we also have cusotdy of his 2 daughters and are going through a very nasty custody battle with a woman who needs mental help, it takes  huge toll on everyone in our family)  I did not have a supportive spouse, one who infact tried to use my disorder against me to try and take my kids (which I am proad to say, did not work as I was awarded SOLE cusotdy 2 years ago based primarily on the fact I am yes BP but incrediably aware, and exceptionally high functioning, with out meds for the most part, I wish that for everyone)  

So here continues the story and how I found this site...About 4 years ago, when my daughter was 5 I started to recognize my early memories of my own life in my daughter, fits, rage, rampent depresiion lack of focus, disregrd for the rules and a general inability to control the cascade of emotion I saw in her daily.  I tried to tell our family Dr, she was hesitiant based on her age, I tried to talk to my ex husband, who promplty stated I was making excuses for my inability to parent, and if she did have it, it was my fault becuse I do and that I was maifesting my own issues onto my child (note he has a pysc degree!) Through the next 2 years I watched my daughter struggle, my ex embroiled us in a very horrifying court battle and did his very best to distroy me and at times I beleive our kids.  I tried everything to get her support (he would not sign off)  Finally near the end of the 4 year court battle, the CAS social worker and the OCL agreed my daughter was struggling, and I was doing everything I could to help her... my doctor and case worker put my girl into the mental health system... In novemebr 2010 my daughter finally saw a doctor, she recognized everything I said and started to run tests etc to determine the actuality of my daughters distress (she was tested and ADD ADHD was ruled out) THANK heavens someone finally took me seriosuly and wanted to HELP! My daughter has seen this dr only 2 times, but because I have been proactive in fighting for her, our school has been amazing, shes had an eip for 2 years, wonderful teachers and support... I thought Yes now we can move forward... then came the past 3 weeks.... My daughter literally cycled for 5 days straight, shut down, went manic and over and over again... until this past 2 weeks... SHe had a full out melt down in class.  Because we do not have a full diagnosis the school could not fully give her what she needed, I had been talking to her teachers for 3 weeks about her issues and they were supportive... It was not until this thursday, when she locked herself in the bathroom and collapsed from shear mental exhaustion that the new principle called me.  We spoke, she asked, did not condeme and validated me as a parent with a child with BP and a parent full of love, struggling with her own BP and how we could work as a team for my daughter.  I was scared, elated and then, the dame brook...

How does a parent with BP do it, I see my daughter struggle, I see her ache, I see her cry and I do everything I can.  I get frusterated, I cry I yell.. I have to step back... On friday morning, my husbad looked at me (my friends have told me I was loosing myself for the past 4 months) and said, you are taking a mental health day... I did, I stayed in bed, cried, laughed reserched everything and as I like to say refraged... Parents with kids with BP take the world on thier shoulders, a mom with BP is a whole different battle...   I finally accepted I did not and could not take this all onto myself, if I want to save my daughter i have to put myself first, if thats means being "selfish" for a few hours so be it.  I worked very hard to get where I am and I dont want that for my daughter but if I can't help myself, I am no good to her...

So now the process begins... we are both going to heal, rebuild and learn.  I woke this morning with optomisism and strentgh... I have a child with BP and thats ok because she has an ali.  I see so much good to come...

Thanks for listening.

M

Avsmom,

Welcome to CABF.  You are absolutely doing the right thing in taking care of yourself.  You simply have to do that, whether or not you have BP, in order to be able to take care of a special needs child, or even a neurotypical child for that matter.  Being a mom is Hard!  Your story is truly amazing, I also had sx before I was an adult, and I learned to cope best I could as my mom had her own issues that way over-shadowed my own.

I am so glad to hear that your dd had a thorough evaluation, and was not just given a first dx of ADHD and then stims.  That happens way too often in our BP kids, and the results are usually not good.

The thing about medicating  our kids early is that it can help prevent some of the damage that uncontrolled BP can do to the brain.  There is a "kindling" theory of BP, which says that the more episodes you have, the harder it will be to control the illness as time goes on.  It's like the early stages are a little kindling fire, and later on you get a roaring fire.

Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you've gotten through the worst with your ex, and you have a supportive dh now. 

--

Brenda,50, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 16, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel
E, 14, BP,AS, mild hypothyroidism: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol
B, 13 & H, 10
Married 17 years to DH, 50

FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.