My sister is extremely abusive.
I need help, badly. My sister is extremely abusive towards my mother, to the point of her causing physical harm. Let me just give a bit of background. My father was EXTREMELY mentally abusive towards my mother. He did not get physical, but he played a lot of mind games with us. He was extremely abusive towards my brother both mentally and occasionally physically. I was luckier and was never hit or touched, but I did go through very similar mental abuse. My sister was his sweet angel and could do no wrong in his eyes. My older brother is 19 (he lives at home and is addicted to marijuana, which is pretty hard to do. He never graduated high school, technically, and did not attend college. He believes that he is going to get a record deal and become famous... I hope he does, because else he is screwed), I am 17 years old (I'm a Senior in high school and male), and my sister is 13 (she is in 8th grade). My parents got divorced about two years ago. My father is never around and we all speak bad about him (we all went through a lot). After the divorce, she began acting out towards my mother (only my mother. She never yells or gets that angry at anyone else). It began with HORRIBLE screaming at the slightest thing. It slowly progressed to get worst. My sister has kicked in the wall twice, broken various items, spit on my mother, and done other horrible things. My brother is also a bit abusive. He has kicked the wall in once and broken a few things. His abuse is rare, but it does happen. This leads us to tonight...
Tonight, we came home (we get home at ~6:15 as we go to private school). My mother spent several hours cooking us meat balls for dinner. My sister had been begging her to cook for us for weeks, as she normally just buys fast food. My sister stormed upstairs and started shouting about how she doesn't like meat balls and my mom knows that. She began stomping her feet, and my mom stormed downstairs. My mom was going to go disable my sister's phone. My sister tried to take away my mom's cell, and when she failed, she dug her hands into the boiling pan of meatballs and threw two fist fulls at my mother. The sauce covered my mother's neck and a bit on her face. She suffered from first (possibly second, she hasn't let me look at them) degree burns on a large portion of her body. I've been calming her down, and hopefully just got her to go to sleep. My brother was speaking to my sister after, and she said
"I feel bad that she got hurt, but I don't feel bad that I did it. She deserved it."
I almost did some horrible things, but I controlled myself. I need help, it's not fair to my mother or us.
Pleasehelpus,
Your sister sounds like she is in desparate need of help. Whenever a person becomes a danger to themselves or others, it is a reason for them to be admitted to a phosp (psychiatric hospital). I would assume your sister also burnt her own hands? You or your mother can call 911 and ask for a crisis intervention team. If your sister has serious burns to her hands she will need medical care. Scarring of the hands from burns can cause serious long term problems. Depending on the degree of burns your mother received, she will also need medical care.
How is your sister today, both physically and mentally? Please talk to your mom about finding help for your sister. There may be resources available to you from your local domestic violence shelter. You can call them and ask what they would recommend. Is there another adult in your family nearby, or a close family friend who can help you with this situation? You do not have to bear the burden of this alone.
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
I wanted to take a moment and chime in here about the suggestion of a Domestic Violence center.
Many people think that when you speak of domestic violence, it pertains to a husband or a boyfriend beating the woman in his life until she cannot physically survive anymore. Although this is one form of domestic violence (dv), it is only a representation of ONE type of situation that requires help. DV manifests itself in such a vast variety of ways, some of which are actually hard to see until it becomes too late. Verbal abuse (screaming, yelling, cursing, degrading, belittling, telling someone how they must think/feel/act), emotional abuse (bouncing back and forth from abusive to very loving, playing mind games to make the victim feel like THEY are the cause of the abuse, distorting reality and then calling the victim crazy, isolation from support (friends, family, etc.)), and sexual abuse of any kind are all just as valid reasons for seeking help.
Your community should have a domestic violence center or shelter. If you live in a rural area, try calling the closest town or city until you find one. You’d actually be surprised at how many there are. There might even be one in your own neighborhood and you’d never know it.
I know this first hand as I have actually resided in one.
A DV shelter or center is NOT only a place for people to go to stay for protection. In fact in the one I was lucky enough to get into living there was only the tip of the iceberg of services that were available. The center had access to TONS of resources for anyone who needed help in almost any way. Staff spent hours on the phone talking to people who called. Some needed a bed to sleep in. Many had questions about what options other than the abusive one they lived in really existed. Nearly all needed a quiet voice and compassionate ear on the other end of the phone.
DV shelters can also offer classes on HOW to get out of or stop abuse. And that is something that a mother who is beaten down cannot find on her own. I personally benefitted the most from sitting in a room filled with other people, women in my case, who could look me in the eye and say “I hear you. Your feelings are VALID. I also have suffered in my own way. No one should live like this.” It was these other women who gave me strength to make some very big changes in my life. They held me up simply by validating my suffering. They showed me how growth IS possible. And they inspired me to keep going.
I do hope that your mother is able to find a dv center. You all could benefit tremendously from some supportive hands to help guide you in the direction of safety and then healing.
You all are in my thoughts.
--
Amy
For now, I will stand in my shoes and survive.
Mom to four, tightly holding on to three.
Pixy – 10 Dx: BP, ADHD
Z-Man – 6 Dx: ADHD, PDD-NOS
Taz – 4 Dx: Mood Disorder, ADHD, PDD-NOS
Loving Forever:
Logan – 8 Dx: tragic trifecta of genetics, exposure and unfortunate luck – living elsewhere to keep everyone safe. Relinquished to the state 5/11 when all the options except loving him enough to let him go ran out.
Ex - Nothing nice to say, so I won't say anything at all
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.