My dd holds it together most of the time at school and then is a raging mess at home for all of us to enjoy.  And I hear the same thing over and over from other parents.  I tell myself that if she didn't trust my love for her then she would cover up for me too.  I have a book at home that helped me understand what was going on in her scared little brain.  I think it was "The Bipolar Teen"by David J. Miklowitz PhD.  Also "What Works for Bipolar Kids: Help and Hope for Parents" by Mani Pavuluri MD PhD and Susan Resko MM contained a lot of very useful information about getting through it all and helping your child.

You are not alone.  But I believe your child very much believes she is which is why she acts out.  Not that this helps, but the more my dd acts out, the more she pushed me away from her, the more that I have learned that she needs me the most.  This is always when she is at her most unstable.

Breathe.  You have come to the right place.  We have all been there and are still right there with you.

--

Karenj

Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Mood Disorder NOS (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with IEP/BIP, Seroquel 100mg twice daily - morning and bed time
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes explosive

Hi Tami - yes, this is very common. The most logical reason I've heard is that our kids feel safer at home, they know they have unconditional love from mom. So they can lose it there. Somehow they are able to keep it together at school though. My daughter cannot, but she is more the exception than the rule I think. I notice A is still taking concerta. Is she still having meltdowns as well? I only ask because typically the stimulant ADHD meds can fuel the meltdowns. You may want to ask your doctor about weaning off of that and (one at a time) slowly introducing an atypical antipsychotic (Seroquel, Risperdal, Abilify, etc.) to see if there isn't some improvement with that. It's generally believed that the order of medication is 1) a mood stabilizer (which you have with lithium); 2) an atypical antipsychotic; and then if ADHD meds are still deemed necessary it should be addressed last. We found that we were able to forego ADHD meds altogether, as she is doing well with just the first two.

There are a couple of books that I can recommend. The first is called "The Bipolar Child" by Demitri Papolos MD and Janice Papolos - this provides a good foundation of understanding. I am following up that book with "The Explosive Child" by Dr. Ross Greene, which provides a good problem solving approach.

--

Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too

--Shelle and Karen-

Thanks for the advice.  I am glad to know that this is more common than not.  Also , A was taking Vyvanse and Straterra before she was dx withBP/ADHD.  We tried her off the stimulants, but for her to function in class or doing pretty much anything her DR says that she will need a small dose of a stimulant.  We have decreased it greatly and added the Lithium and seen good results.  For about a month after reaching theraputic level of lithium she was a happy, loving little girl.  And now, we are starting to have a couple of good days and then a few bad days, with some good and bad days thrown in the middle.  Her DR said that at her next visit we may have to add another med to help stabilize her.  Thanks for the names of books.  I will look into them.  I try to read as much as I can and keep educating myself.   One more question, does your daughter understand what she has?  How do you explain it so they do not get upset with you?  Or maybe A is just not old enough to understand yet.   

I feel like sometimes that she is regressing maturity wise, since we started her on medication.  Do you understand what I am saying?  It is like her brain has slowed down enough for her to enjoy things that she missed prior to being dx BP/ADHD?  Does that make sense?

Anyhow thanks for the informaiton and books. 

Tami
Mom to:
A-10 BP/ADHD, lithium, concerta
K- 7 ADD, Vyvanse

--Shelle and Karen-

Thanks for the advice.  I am glad to know that this is more common than not.  Also , A was taking Vyvanse and Straterra before she was dx withBP/ADHD.  We tried her off the stimulants, but for her to function in class or doing pretty much anything her DR says that she will need a small dose of a stimulant.  We have decreased it greatly and added the Lithium and seen good results.  For about a month after reaching theraputic level of lithium she was a happy, loving little girl.  And now, we are starting to have a couple of good days and then a few bad days, with some good and bad days thrown in the middle.  Her DR said that at her next visit we may have to add another med to help stabilize her.  Thanks for the names of books.  I will look into them.  I try to read as much as I can and keep educating myself.   One more question, does your daughter understand what she has?  How do you explain it so they do not get upset with you?  Or maybe A is just not old enough to understand yet.   

I feel like sometimes that she is regressing maturity wise, since we started her on medication.  Do you understand what I am saying?  It is like her brain has slowed down enough for her to enjoy things that she missed prior to being dx BP/ADHD?  Does that make sense?

Anyhow thanks for the informaiton and books. 

Tami
Mom to:
A-10 BP/ADHD, lithium, concerta
K- 7 ADD, Vyvanse

I'm glad to help.

My dd understands what she has kind of.....  Part of the problem at this stage with her is that even though they are calling it 'mood disorder' it doesn't always act like bipolar and even the doctors are hesitant to call it that.  Most of the time when I talk to her I call it her 'busy brain' or simply 'illness'.  She definitely understands that her brain does not work like other people's.  And she will describe the activity going on in there as 'five tv's all playing at once on different channels'.  Its a language that makes sense to her.  I think your dd is old enough that she understands that something is not quite right, so if you give her language to help her verbalize it will probably help both of you.  A good therapist can help with that, as can some of the books, especially the sections where they talks\ about how the wiring is awry.

I too feel like my dd is regressing.  Part of it does seem like she is making up for lost time sometimes.  When she just wants to hang out with me and make cookies or wants to go for a walk just to be together and simple things like that.  Other times her behaviour is quite immature.  Like last night when she stuck her fingers in her ears and "lalalala-ed" when she didn't like what I was saying. All the while fighting with anyone who walked by about anything that crossed her mind - mostly the TV. She went to bed when asked but didn't sleep - I could tell because she was moaning and grunting. She came out after about an hour and said she couldn't sleep. I asked what we could do to help - and I wasn't sarcastic or even impatient. And she screamed at us and slammed doors and yelled that we didn't care about her. After a while I went in to soothe her. And for the 3rd night in a row I had to lay down with her and rub her back until she fell asleep.

On the plus side I have learned that this is what her instability looks like.  On the down side, she is backsliding to instability.  And only a week before school starts.

--

Karenj

Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Mood Disorder NOS (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with IEP/BIP, Seroquel 100mg twice daily - morning and bed time
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes explosive

I wasn't sure how to tell Rachel, and held off ... until she saw the books and asked me directly if she was bipolar. Whenever you decide to tell her, it's best to do it at a time when she's in a period of stability - otherwise she will fight you on it. I can tell you how I exlained it to Rachel - it was off the cuff, no preparation, but it seemed to exlain it adequately:

Picture that everyone's brain has a "south pole" and a "north pole." These are just little bumps on the brain that everyone has, and they are in charge of your emotions. Your south pole and north pole are a bit bigger than some other people's.  That's why when you get angry, you get angier than most; when you get sad, you cry more than other kids; and when you're happy, you can do such silly jumpy things that you can actually get hurt. The medicine you take helps to bring your south pole and your north pole to a more average size, so you can begin to feel more like the other kids do.

Rachel seemed to accept that explanation without resistance, and she was either just about to or just had turned 12. The level of maturity you see will likely fluctuate. I don't think that's uncommon at all. We go back and forth between still playing with Littlest Pet Shops one day, and thinking she should be able to go shopping by herself with my credit card the next.

--

Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too

--Sounds like my A.  She sometimes act like the younger child.  I am so glad to know that I am not the only one going through this.  Where I live I have not found any support or moms that are going through what I am going through.  And to top it off, my husband does not agree with the DX but says that I am the nurse (I am a nurse, but when it it your child it is different then treating a patient ) and he trusts me.  That does not keep him from making negative comments when A can hear him.  That just adds fuel to the fire.  I wish I could get him to understand.  So in return I am always the bad guy.  I have to admit this illness is draining and frustrating. 

Tami
Mom to:
A-10 BP/ADHD, lithium, concerta
K- 7 ADD, Vyvanse