Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually EXHAUSTED
Hello,
I am new to this site. I am a 30 year old mother (as well as full time college student) to two awesome lil boys. My oldest, I, was diagnosed at a very young age with ADHD and ODD. He has always been a very sweet, loving, yet difficult child. In April, he tried to committ suicide and was diagnosed with NOS Bipolar and NOS Schizoaffective. He has been on Risperdal, Depacoate, and Lamictal since then. Things have been going pretty good but he got in trouble at school and once again tried to commit suicide. He is in the hospital as we speak.
I am feeling so guilty as a mother. Helpless. Hopeless. I feel like I have no where to turn, like I am all alone. I am so VERY thankful to see that I am not, on the otherhand I would not wish this nightmare on anyone else. :(
Hi,
I'm all new here myself, but welcome. I'm very sorry for the pain you are going thru right now. My son was just diagnosed last week after trying to hit me with a bat.
I hope you and your son get the help you need for each of you.
--
Maria, mom to 3
Gabi - ADD, takes Concerta 72 mgs daily
Larisa - princess extraordinaire
Miguel - just diagnosed bipolar, Abilify
Hello! I am new here-this is my 1st post EVER on this site! Looks like this will be a Godsend-I hope! I thought I was the only one whose son has ever taken a ball bat to-amongst other things! My Mother-in-law gave my Husband a book 3 years ago called "the strong willed child"-& said that medicating kids is "wrong"-so I've had an uphill battle so to speak, & very little support! My 6 yr old is so difficult most of the time,diagnosed recently w/BP, ODD, & OCD, (perhaps more),- focusing on getting in w/a good psych now. It's so hard to even be able to get on the phone to make an appt-it's either time to feed him a meal, deal w/a "fit"/"rage", or clean up the messes from the fits! I AM SO TIRED!!! I REALLY FEEL LIKE GIVING UP!!! Yesterday was so awful, & I really prayed last night, that maybe today would be just a bit more tolerable-& it's even WORSE!!! It has taken me 7+ hrs after finding this site to even be able to get a minute to post anything!!! I would love to curl up somewhere quiet & far away & take a nap-....my house is a wreck...& my family asks what's for dinner EVERY NIGHT-even though I can only actually get to making dinner maybe 2 nights a week lately! I feel so guilty for wanting to just go outside & start walking away....Lord, PLEASE give me strength...& maybe some energy, too!!! ...& now I feel like a "complainer"...everyone here so far seems absolutely GREAT!!! & for the 1st time ever, I don't feel like a failure as a parent completely!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!
--
Jen DeVeaux-40-new here, & super tired!-me BP, seroquel50mg/PM, celexa20mg/day
Chris-34-Husband-works/m-f,commutes 1hr each way,=my evening break
Moriah-daughter-alsoBP-no meds currently-tried Zoloft/increased mania
Jas-son-15-a little depressed/stressed,but MOST of the time a Godsend
KYLE-6-BP/ODD/OCD(fam dr'sdx)-NO MEDS yet, just starting to get help/(Me at wit's end)
all kids homeschooled!
I am sorry to hear that. I know how incredibly scary that feels. Like the situation is out of your control. This last time I had to physically restrain my child as he kicked, punched, pinched, scratched and slammed his head into me for what felt like an eternity. (was really 15-20) minutes. It scared me as well. I am very thankful that I was able to keep him safe once again but I wonder, what happens when he is 14?? I am a small girl, 5ft so I am sure that pretty soon he is going to out power me. :(
(((((Hugs)))) I am so sorry for your exhaustion, pain, and suffering. I myself was once in a place of exhaustion where I fantasized of my own demise. And I know what you mean by spiritually, as well. :-( You obviously must find another way where you do not need to restrain him anymore. I figure when we need to, it is time for a hospital. Of course, that also often turns out to be a stop-gap measure. As for you.... we all need support and respite. I got a therapist just for me.
--"Naomi"
It's Not Mental
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar: After over 13 years - stable off psych meds over a year. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD with disabling migraines since infancy. After over 15 years, is "recovered" for 4 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.
Hi Jennifer, Welcome to the site. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. When I was in that place of pure exhaustion, I got some therapy myself for a little while, and a prescription of my own. I had taken a leave of absence from school myself because I just couldn't do it all anymore (I work full time as well). I also considered what to do when my daughter started to become physically unmanageable - it's like superhuman strength, isn't it? I know one of the parents on the site took some martial arts classes. I have always feared "working out" as I need to maintain my weight. My sister suggested pilates as it helps to build strength without losing weight - so I am doing that. Opting not to restrain is also an option, as long as no-one gets hurt. Many parents have put away any personal property that they do not want broken (just as they lock up all medications and sharp objects for safety).
Reaching a point of stabilization takes time, but you will get there. I have actually reached a point that I am re-enrolling in school to finish that last year of my bachelor degree. I am very familiar with the guilt and the helplessness you feel - but it really does get better.
--
Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too
--i too am battling my dd16. She is taller than me and so strong when she is raging! I've had one kick to the stomach and been shoved once,along with multiple threats of "do you want me to hurt you?" It is so frustrating. I'm learning to keep my cool, and not antagonize her when she is like this. It is so hard to maintain composure when you are actually scared of your own child!! She is also a black belt in taekwondo... but I have learned a few things in watching her train for 5 years.
Hang in there. You are not alone. Thank goodness people don't know what goes on behind closed doors! But at the same time, maybe they should??.....
Don't forget to take care of yourself. Find something just for you, to take your mind off the stress for a little while.
Val
momofbpocdgirls
16dd, BP/psychosis, Abilify 20 mg, Lamictal 50mg, (failed Geodon)
12dd, OCD, Celexa 40mg
dh, 25 years
Sable, 10 yo Sheltie
Chief, 4 yo Border Collie just adopted
--Hello this is the first time I have ever joined anything like this but i just wanted to try to find some ppl going through what I am. My son is 19 and was told he is Bi-polar 1. He is in the process of finding a med that will work for him and right now he is taking Lamictal. he seem to be angry all the time and today I caught him poking himself with needles (like sewing needles).I took him to the ER and the did nothing they sent him home. And showed him a grounding method to calm himself. But as soon as we got home the anger started again. He was on a anti-depressant and it was controlling the downs, But not the up swings now it seems to be the opposite. I am so worried. I am worried for his future. What can I do I feel so helpless and alone. My younger son has Bi-polar 2. he is doing ok with just therapy and antidepressant. But neither of them want anything to do with school. There is so much I could go on for hrs I just hope some one out there understands what I am going throught......
MichelleLC
MichelleLC,
Welcome to CABF. I urge you to report these sx to the pdoc ASAP. While your younger ds may be doing well on an AD, it sounds like your older ds may be having an adverse reaction to it. When an AD triggers mania, the effects often persist even after the AD has been discontinued. If he just started Lamictal, chances are he isn't on a therapeutic dose yet. He will probably need an additional med to treat his sx until the MS can take effect.
Here is a link to the AACAP Med Guide. You may also want to join a support group here--just go to the "Connect" tab at the top of the page and click on "Support Groups".
I also encourage you to check out NAMI in your area, as they have local support groups and caregiver/family classes.
--
Brenda,51, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50
FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
Hello,
I can totally relate to the exhaustion and emotional upheaval. It is all very overwhelming at times. Our son was doing great and then we let him go to a sleepover on Friday night (I am good friends with the mom). He had a blast didn't get much sleep, didn't take his supplements he was a bit off on Saturday, went to bed early I thought we would be okay. Well Sunday was horrendous. He was alternating between raging and saying awful things, and crying and apologizing and constantly asking if we still loved/wanted him. I hate this. I feel trapped. I had to put school on hold over the summer and now I'm trying to get caught up in between his appointments/cooking (he's on a special diet) general life things and the emotional roller coaster we are on I can't concentrate.
I try to enjoy the heck out of the good moments because I know they can be fleeting. If we are extremely careful with what he eats/he gets enough sleep and takes his supplements he does great. He's his wonderful sweet self but holy cow if he gets sick/has a bad sleep or has the wrong food LOOK OUT! I've been threatened with a knife, pushed, hit, he's threatened to cut himself, he is always threatening to run away. How do people live like this?
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I can not offer much help as others on this site are so much knowledgeable than me, but I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.