The lying seems to be common among our kids. Sometimes it is to avoid a consequence, sometimes it is to perpetuate a story, and sometimes it is genuinely how they remember the situation. I'm not sure what can be done about it except possibly redirection. Of the many things I tried to teach my daughter from the time she could speak, the only one that stuck was "if you tell the truth, I won't get angry." I've kept my word on this. This is not to say that she tells the truth every time - more often than not she will start with omissions, lies, and outright fabricated stories. When I suspect that she's lying, I won't speak to her, "I don't want to hear lies." Eventually she will come around and admit the truth and, as promised, I don't get angry. We talk about it, there's a consequence commensurate with the action, and we move on. It definitely sounds like something to work on in therapy - I think this has helped minimize the lies at our house. Good luck :)

--

Shelle - 49 in SoCal. Celexa 30mg and 0.5 Xanax as prn
Single Mom to Rachel - 12. BP, anxiety. Lamictal 300mg + 50mg Seroquel in the am; 100mg Seroquel in the pm. 7th Grade/Therapeutic School
We also have Birdie the love bird - she bites, and Pepper the kitty - she does too

Family Helpline Volunteer - rmadmom@hotmail.com
The Balanced Mind Foundation - Bringing Hope Home
www.thebalancedmind.com

I believe lying is a common problem among people with BP.  It also occurs in personality disorders and other psychiatric dx's.  It may be that for your dd, lying is a red flag sx  of instability.

--

Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50

FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

Hello,

My insight as a person with a psychiatric dx, and that the symptoms may be labeled as lying.

First, be careful before saying that your child lies.
If someone doesn't know me well, he may think that I lie when I say that I spent 20 euros whereas it was 45. But when I calculate, I find genuinely 20 euros. I have a Maths LD, so calculating is quite challenging : I may find aberrant results when I calculate.
It happened that I said that I put water on the hot plate, and mom could think that I lied when I said that I put cold water on the hot plate. But I genuinely put cold water on the hot plate, but it wasn't enough to prevent mom from burning herself (I was nearly crying when she told me that I didn't put any water).
Or I said that I put the keys on the desk because I genuinely think that I put them on the desk, and I forgot that I put them elsewhere.
If you forget these kind of details, you can easily think that your child is lying, whereas the problem itself is not a lie. You think that your child is lying whereas the problem is just a very small detail which makes believe that your child is lying. Humm, not sure that it's English what I say.

The method Shelle uses is a good one.
But don't state that your child lies before having clues that makes evident that your child lies (ex your child said that he didn't eat any candies whereas you find chocolate around his mouth). If you state that your child lies whereas the problem is elsewhere, you trigger lies because your child will lose any confidence with you : he lies because he wants to say what he think you want to hear.

Before applying any methods against lying, find out what is the core problem : he put water whereas it was not enough to prevent from burning yourself (I take back an example I gave above) ? Problem with Maths ? Misunderstanding ? etc etc...
In a few words, the core problem is really lying or the problem is something else, a small detail which disguise the child's saying into lying ?

Psychiatric dx doesn't imply automatically lying.
My pdoc could think that I was lying, but it sorted out that the problem was absolutely elsewhere, and she didn't think about the-small-detail-which-kills-everything, and so what I say makes believe that I lie. But to repeat myself, it's not lying, it's "only" that the problem is elsewhere.

To be sure that there is no misunderstanding, I didn't say that your children are never lying. I don't know them enough to state something like that firmely.
I just want to attract your attention on the situation "it seems that my child is lying, but the core problem is elsewhere", ie the core probem is disguised as a lying, whereas there is something else.

--

25 yo, ADHD, sensory issues, Maths LD and prelingual Single Sided Deafness.

Preparing myself to go back to university to study Law (hope to become a lawyer).

Interests : languages (I speak French as mother tongue, Italian, English and Modern Greek), medicine, law, computer.

Hello!

I am new to this forum, but grateful to read all the posts and know I am not alone.   My daughter would look you square in the face and lie from the time she was very young.  Also, the violence that the one lady posted about, and only at home.  R (dd) was always throwing full-blown tantrums, through drywall, hitting me (once the police came out and saw the marks on me, and had a talk with her, but fortunately, she was not arrested at the time).  On Mother's Day this past May, she went to breakfast with my son and me, and spoke for an hour about how she wanted to kill and torture my son and I slowly.  She got in a physical fight with her brother after we came home, and I called her dad to pick her up.  She has not been in my home since that time.  My son does not visit his dad's house because of her violence.

I empathize with the posts, but am incredibly grateful for the peace of not having dd in the house.  But I miss her, and feel guilty for appreciating the peace.  Currently, I go to her dad's house twice weekly for short visits, which sometimes go very well, and sometimes not.  Last week, one visit she tried to kick me and refused to talk the rest of the 45 minutes...two days later, she talked non-stop about school and her friends, and seemed happy to see me. 

Her dad took her off all meds and stopped Family-Based Therapy, which I had started here.  She sees an individual therapist weekly.  I don't feel she is getting the help she needs, but am very limited in what I can do for her, because she can't come home...The violence toward me and my son was too severe, and worsening.  Her dad is big and loud; she won't be physically agressive at her dad's house.  But she has gotten more into cutting herself, etc.  I just pray she comes through the teenage years alive, and hopefully, when she's 18, she'll be able to get the help she needs. 

Any suggestions/advice would be welcome, and thanks again everyone for posting.  It is good to know I am not alone.

--

Carole, 37
R, dd, 16, ODD, mood disorder--probable BP, currently no medication, living at her dad's house since May 2011
J, ds, 15, mild ADD, no medication, has IEP at school, doing much better with R out of the house

Carole,

I'm glad you were able to make a safe home for yourself and your ds.   Does your dd drive yet?  Is there any risk of her coming over to your house on her own?  I believe I would think about changing the locks so that it's harder for her to get in if she gets it in her head to come for an unfriendly visit.  How does your dd do at school?  Does she have relationship issues with her peers?  She probably needs more therapy and treatment than she's getting, but it may also be that the meds she was on before weren't helping (and could even have been making some things worse, you never know), so it could be a good thing that she is off them now.  And whenever she starts on meds again, they won't have to go through removing existing meds or trying to figure out what is working and what isn't.

(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

--

Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50

FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.

Now if only her dad could learn to see the cycling that's going on.  I hope and pray she stays safe during this manic phase.  It's so easy for girls to get in trouble when they feel too good.

I'm glad you've made your home safe.

--

Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50

FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.