10 yo daughter is in the hospital
Hi everyone,
I feel so lucky to have found this forum. I'm done feeling like I'm the only one. My daughter (B) went to stay with my mom a few weeks ago. Our home can be very chaotic and I thought she needed a place to go where she could get the attention she needs. I work over 50 hours a week, and feel so guilty for not being able to be there for her. We have four other children, three are my stepchildren, and one is ours together. B is the only one that isn't biologically my husbands. She feels like an outsider. Only in the last month, have I put it all together. B's father is a very depressed person, and her aunt is probably undiagnosed bipolar. Reading everyone's stories has brought about some understanding.
B went to Arizona (we're in SoCal), and things have gotten worse. She has gotten to the point of violence against my mother. She was taken overnight to a crisis center, where a phsychiatrist diagnosed her with a mood disorder. She wasn't given any meds, and released the following day, last Tuesday. On Wednesday, she attacked my mother again and she called the police. The police contacted a mobile crisis team to go to my mothers' home. They assessed the situation and found her a bed at a hospital for that evening. B stated to everyone that she wanted to go. She said that she felt safe there. I don't know if this means that she feels safe from overreacting or safe from the outside world. They've started her on Prozac, which worries me. She is scheduled to be released tomorrow and I'm so scared for my mother. When she went to Arizona, B understood that it was going to be for a minimum of three months, and that I'm not playing the back and forth game. I want this to work out for B. My mother is the best situation for her, as I'm the breadwinner, and the well-being of five others is on me.
I am looking for a therapist in the Tucson area, if anyone has any recommendations. Also, what are your experiences with Prozac on it's own? I don't know how to go about getting an accurate diagnoses, as our insurance is a pain, as she's out of the area. I would really like to see her start on mood stabilizers. She's missed so much school in the last 3 weeks, and I don't want her falling behind. Do you also find that having a routine is best? My mother tends to let her stay up too late and then it's a battle in the morning.
Any information is appreciated,
May-30
Hi May, I'm glad you found the site too - it's a good place to be. Removing her from a chaotic environment is probably a good idea, although you don't say whether B prefers to be in Arizona away from the family. I can understand her feeling like an outsider. Feeling safe at the hospital, regardless of what she feels safe from, is a clear indication that deep down inside she knows she needs help - whether that knowledge is on the surface or not. Getting an accurate diagnosis is going to come from seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in children and adolescents long enough for him to get to know her. In doing a 20-mile radius search of Tucson, I came up with this: http://www.bpkids.org/connect/find/results?city=Tucson&state=AZ&radius=20&lat=32.2217429&lon=-110.9264790&types=Physician from the professional directory on this website. It might provide at least a starting point.
I think you are right to be worried about Prozac. Kids with mood disorders generally don't do well on SSRI anti-depressants, and a mood stabilizer is a better choice as a starting point. The back-and-forth game you mentioned is also good to avoid. Routine is best. Our kids need structure and consistency more than most. Breaking from the routine quite often is a trigger to a meltdown. Sleep also is important - I would suggest to your mother that a 9 pm bedtime at latest will help to provide B with at least 9 hours of sleep, which she needs. Mornings may continue to be a battle though, even with that.
If she does end up coming back to So Cal (depending upon your location), I may be able to help you find more resources. Sixth grade in public school was an utter nightmare for us, ending in failure - but she was still advanced to 7th grade. She was suspended 8 times, and she missed an entire month of school in late May/early June, finally ending the last week on a modified schedule. Rachel will be going to a therapeutic school in the fall, which will not only accommodate her as she needs behaviorally and emotionally, but also help her to catch up to grade level in her academics (which were very strong all the way through 5th grade). Some therapeutic schools have residential options, which may be something you want to consider as well.
Please stay posted - we understand!
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Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too
I just found this site today, my son (T) has been in and out of the hospital and locked facilities for the last two years. He was diagnosed with mood disorders, PTSD (abused by bio-father), anxiety and depression. Today (T is in the facility again 6th time) the doctors have changed his diagnosis to Bi-Polar. It is not a huge shock they have been talking about it for the last 6 months. But, when you actually hear the words it changes everything. My husband and I have 6 children, 5 are mine and 1 is his. We have been together for 11 years, since T was 2 yrs old. He was to adopt him and my younger daughter any day now. But, with this last episode, that has been put on hold. It is a very fine line that we are walking, most days I am there to fight with him and for him. Lately, we feel like there is nothing more we can do for him. We do not want him in a facility all of the time, but, it is so upsetting to the entire home, I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement. Thanks, Jennw
Jenn, welcome to the site, there are a lot of people here who will understand what you're going through ... it's a great place to vent, ask questions, and get information. Other than the inpatient treatment, what other treatment is T getting? Does he take any medication, get accommodations at school and/or any therapy? There are ways to make it better without necessarily having to rely on long term inpatient care; alternately, there are residential placements that are not so institutional where he might feel more at home. If you could provide a little info in these areas, we can help to give you more encouragement.
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Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too
Shelle,
Thanks for your post, yes for two years, therapy every week, which I sit through with him, abilify, trazadone, ddavp, vyvanse, vit d, melatonine, fish oil and trileptal. As of this morning, drs have taken him off the vit d, fish oil and vyvanse. I think the vyvanse is a mistake. But, he was raging through all of it the last two weeks, now that they changed the diagnosis, they decided to rearrange the meds. I guess they want to see for themselves what is working and what isn't. We have had Boys Town in our home 10 hours a week for the last 6 weeks and even she said she doesn't know what else we can do. He is in acute right now just to get him stable. He has been in RTC for a length of 5 months last year. I think some of this is just that the meds needing to be readjusted, the teen years are upon us. I have been reading through alot of the postings and crying because my life is all over these pages. It is encouraging to know we are not alone. I feel alittle rejuvinated. We have been blessed with good help at the facility, they have been great through these couple of years. I have been really depressed myself through the last few days. During his rage on Friday was the first time I said some really awful things to him, I am feeling really guilty about that, but, through these posts realizing that so many others are feeling that too. I can just turn my back and not participate in his rages. I feel stronger today after joining this site that I can do more than I am, even though I thought I couldn't.
Jennw
Taking him off the Vyvanse is very likely going to make a world of difference. BP kids don't do well on stimulant ADHD medications - it activates them and makes the rages worse. We slowly decreased Rachel's ADHD medication until we eventually found out we didn't need it at all, even though by the time we got the BP diagnosis she was taking a non-stimulant (Vyvanse had actually caused her to pull all of her hair out - that was the last stimulant for us). The medication changes have been a blessing. Give the Vyvanse some time to work it's way out. The other things you are stopping are supplements, but when it comes to medication - remember to make one change at a time so that you can monitor the effects of each new or eliminated medicine independently.
As far as what you said during his rage - he may or may not remember it. I finally found it was better not to engage in a rage. Remove yourself, someplace quiet, let him work it out, let him swear at you and do what he needs to - as long as nobody gets hurt. There's nothing wrong with asking the doctor for something to help you through it. I didn't feel depressed (at least I didn't think I did) when he prescribed Celexa for me - but even at the lowest dose I handle things much better on a day-to-day basis.
Stay with us and keep us posted - we are here for you.
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Shelle, 49 in So Cal - stressed - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Family Response Team member and CABF Support 11
rmadmom@hotmail.com
Single Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP, anxiety, ADHD (or maybe not) - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Modified schedule in public at end of last school year / Hoping for placement in therapeutic school for the fall
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlet, the kitten - she does too
Jennw,
I hope they can figure out his meds and find a combo that really helps him. Here are links to the Expert Treatment Guidelines and the AACAP Med Guide. It really helps as a parent to be somewhat familiar with the meds used to treat BP. I assume they have done a neuro-psych assessment somewhere along the line? It's always important to evaluate for mood disorders, ASD's, etc so that you aren't missing a piece of the puzzle. My ds15's AS was not identified until a couple of years after the BP, and it has had a huge impact on his behavior.
Do they plan on adding in a MS of some sort? Currently the only med he is on to treat BP is the Abilify, and one med alone is often not enough.
Be sure and take care of yourself. Having a child with unstable mental illness takes a huge toll on us as parents and spouses. It is not uncommon for parents to develop anxiety, depression and even PTSD. Counseling and sometimes meds can be extremely helpful to get us back to being as strong as possible.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
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Brenda,51, CABF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Trilafon, Lamictal, Seroquel, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50
FROM CABF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
Yes, a routine can be CRITICAL to help with the stability and lower stress for many children, as is the regular going to bed and getting up time. I cannot NOT NOT stress enough how important that sleep issue is!
And routine makes things expected and regular. And the morning struggle is stressful for everyone including the daughter. Routines can give better independence to the child and that also lessens the stress and conflict. There is something called Expressed Emotion, and people with their brain affected by the "storm" in it do better in an more low-key environment with less "expressed emotions". It may seem "easier" to not have a routine, but often it is more detrimental in the long run.
--"Naomi"
It's Not Mental
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar: After over 13 years - stable off psych meds over a year. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD with disabling migraines since infancy. After over 15 years, is "recovered" for 4 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.