Yes, the BP was already there.  I struggle with this kind of thinking too.  It gets twisted around when I am feeling bad about the whole situation.  I believe my DD's symptoms were accelerated when her neurologist changed her from Metadate to Concerta.  BUT I do not think that the Concerta caused her symptoms.  She was always symptomatic.  The change just made them exponentially more obvious and intense.  That said, had the meds not changed when they did, she would have had a much slower downward spiral.  But she would have still spiraled.  There is a part of me that is glad we are on the fast track.  I can rationalize that the more quickly her symptoms develop, the more quickly we can help to alleviate them.  Since we started when she was 12 there is a better chance she will have a good amount of stability when she is 18.  Had her symptoms been more slow in developing we would have found a way to cope with each one, leaving her at 18 with a bunch of band-aids that are not enough to hold it all in when she is on her own.

I am not a fan of the 'what if' game.  It leads to guilt which I find to be an understandable but useless emotion.  You simply cannot know what you don't know.  With hind site its very easy to see different paths.  But you are always making decisions with the information you have NOW.  'I should have known' is not reasonable.  How could you?

You did not cause dd's symptoms.  She has an illness.  It would have progressed with or without the AD's.  Could you have done things differently, sure.  But that would not make her illness free.  Keep making good decisions with all of the information and knowledge you have now.  You are doing a great job.

--

Karenj

Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Bipolar I (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with IEP/BIP, Seroquel XR 400mg - morning: Seroquel 50mg evening; Lamictal 150mg - morning
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes explosive

The problem is when we do not KNOW that the person has the "bipolar disorder" and we give the antidepressants thinking it is just depression or anxiety, and it is wrong for them. The theory talked about is "kindling" in that it can "age" the illness (note - the llness is already there in order to "age it") bringing them into a later stage sooner.  It is like pouring gasoline on a fire. The spark *fire) was already there.

BOTH my girls got significantly worse on antidepressants. With my older daughter, her cycling became faster and faster until it went into mixed states. Once that happened, her illness was extremely difficult to even partially control. The reason we could not get her off the antidepressant in time is that she was then over 18 and would not go see the psychiatrist while manic and the idiot psychiatrist kept prescribing the antidepressant for her anyway when she missed those appointments, only coming back when she was depressed.

BUT - the underlying problems my children had were THERE BEFORE the antidepressants - of course!!  Otherwise, we wouldn't have been trying the antidepressants!

--Jeanie aka "Naomi"
It's Not Mental--The Book
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar (morphed into ultradian cycling): "Recovered" after over 13 years - stable off psych meds almost two years. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels (after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements). She added a little EMpowerPlus back on as a multivitamin simply because she feels better on it - gets sick less often.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, migraines. After over 15 years, is now "recovered" for almost 5 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.