WHY ? is at home the worst?
--here is my big question,,,,,,,
WHY? is my son fine , great even at his friends house or at school ? but at home (and i dont mean 24 /7 ) but at home we have so many problems , the yeooing the temper tantrums, (hes 13) and the mood swings that come out of no where. the mind changing being disrepectful one minute then perfectly polite the nest. now i just had a phone call from his friends mom she tells me how polite he is and how well the kids get along? i dont get it, i even let him stay over 2 nights in a row , probably because the last minute he was here there was so much yelling./ how can this be why is it so difficult here at home where it should be the most secure?
rose
Rose, 37, wife and mother heart broken
dd #1,- 14 healthy
ds 11, possible diagnosis, ...major depressive disorder, odd, 5 mg abilify and 150 mg welbutrin
dd #2 -5, healthy
dh, 41
It’s because he feels safe with you at home. He feels loved and knows that no matter what he does, you will never regect him. My son works so hard to keep it together outside our home because, “I don’t want others to know about my illness”. When he was younger, around 7 years, he would say, “I’ve used all my good up at school, I have no more good left when I get home.” I think most people can relate to this, have you ever gone to work with a sickness where you had to "fake it” through an important meeting then once home you fall to the couch moaning in pain begging for your husband to feed the kids. Just like our kids, we can no longer hold it in anymore.
So don’t blame yourself, it isn’t you, if anything, it just means that your child has learned what is acceptable in society and he knows that he’s very loved and can be himself inside the safety of your home.
--
Mom of 3 boys, the oldest (10 years) suffering with a "Mood Disorder". Our current psychiatrist believes he suffers from Bipolar 1 Disorder, but he’s too young to make the official diagnosis. He’s currently taking Tenex, Trileptal, Lithium and Melatonin to help.
Check out my blog at http://mysonhas2brains.blogspot.com/
Hi Rose... Mama Bear said it right. The common thing sometimes with children that have mood disorders of some type are typically OK in public but let it loose at home. While I am happy that my dd is trying so hard at school to hold it together, she absolutly falls apart just about the minute she gets in the car. She is the most stable she has been in over a year but she still has the same problem of letting it all go at home. She has extremely high anxiety and has awkward and poor social skills out in public but when home that is the same but she is quick to be violent,bossy, and just plain moody.
This is a great blog post about why many children are fine at school, but have problems controlling their bodies around us once they get home. http://www.thebalancedmind.org/connect/blog/2010/09/but-she-is-fine-at-s...
You are not alone with this situation. I sometimes would think.... Is it me???? Why is this happening... But it is just what some of our children do to handle their frustrated emotions. Hang in there!
Oh...I forgot to ask you... Does he see some type of therapist? When you do have a good therapist on board, that sometimes can not only help him understand how to deal better with his moods but also help you understand how to deal with him when he is displaying such actions at home.
Good Luck!!!! You will get through this.
--
Angelique
Co-mod Very Young 3 with Mmsun
(Me) Angelique 33- BP,Anxiety..Lamictal, Klonopin
(DH) Craig 40- Nothing???
(DD) Ariana 6yr old- BiPolar,Tourettes Syndrome,Gad,Sensory processing Disorder, Adhd, and Ocd. Medicines: Lamotrigine, Serequel, Kapvay, Melatonin, and Thorazine ( as needed ). Hoping this is the right med mix for now???
(DS) Christopher 4yr old- No problems yet????
I think this is very common with our kids. Home is their comfort zone and moms are even more so. Being a mother of a BP child is difficult.. You are the one person that won't judge or ridicule him for being himself. Your love is unconditional and he knows it.
DD is like your son, she is able to hold it together at school, at bio dads, in public, etc, once she gets home and the front door closes however, it's a completely different story.
What Mama Bear said about "faking" an illness is completely true. DD says that she doesn't want anyone to know that she's "mental" and that home is the only place that she can be herself.
Hang in there, take time for yourself when you can, and know you're definitely not alone in this.
--
-- D aka. Mashedbananas - no history of mental health issues in immediate or extended family. Living minute by minute.
DH - a very patient stepdad. Just trying to deal with whats been handed to him
DD 11- diagnosed BP with comorbid Conduct Disorder. Waiting for meds. 6 month waiting lists are the norm here. History of mental illness on bio dads side.
DS 3 - hides in closets during rages, showing signs of anxiety.
DS 6 months - just your average run-of-the-mill baby.. Eat, sleep, poop, cry, repeat.
thank you for your replies, it all makes sence what you say but at this very minute my son is begging for us to let him live elsewhere any where else just not here !!! my husband has no patients, we just end up fighting, my son was fine all weekend at his friends comes home and freaks out out about whatever, he didnt have to hold it together it seems at his friends i guess he is just happier there??? i am at my wits end , i dont know what else to do? never had a theripist that worked , i have been told its just not for everyone, and it never has seemed to connect with my son. everything is miserable around here including my other 2 daughters.
rose
--
Rose, 37, wife and mother heart broken
dd #1,- 14 healthy
ds 11, possible diagnosis, ...major depressive disorder, odd, 5 mg abilify and 150 mg welbutrin
dd #2 -5, healthy
dh, 41
Perhaps at his friend's house all he had to do was play. No rules. Suspension of reality, suspension of dealing with anything emotional, no anything. Catered to. The other family just wanted to please.
If things are actually "wrong" in your own household, the therapist, should have uncovered that. If your son is "miserable" then by now he should be saying exactly what his needs are... at least some should be coming out in therapy.
My younger daughter was in Expressive Arts Therapy specifically because she had trouble expressing what the heck was wrong. The therapist, every now and then, had family sessions, and we'd go over dd's needs, and how us parents could better accomodate her wiring.
Do you have relatives who could parent him for a couple months? And I do mean parent - not coddle and cater to him? It might give your family a much-needed respite. A relative of mine with a special needs son sometimes sent him to the grandparents for a while - it was actually helpful all-around. And yes - he was always better with the grandparents even though he had an EXCELLENT family with EXCELLENT parents who did everything possible! Some differences is that the grandparents had the luxury of giving him a lot more one-on-one attention, and they were out playing a lot with no TV, no video games, but lots and lots of interaction. That isn't "real life" but it at least did give them all a respite.
--Jeanie aka "Naomi"
It's Not Mental
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar (morphed into ultradian cycling): "Recovered" after over 13 years - stable off psych meds almost two years. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels (after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements). She added a little EMpowerPlus back on as a multivitamin simply because she feels better on it - gets sick less often.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, migraines. After over 15 years, is now "recovered" for almost 5 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.
Rose,
I would definitely look into another therapist. We have been through a handful of them, but when you find the right person, it can make a world of difference. It is worth trying again. Also, I want to share that it is possible that all the "fun" at the friends house comes at a cost with stress overload. Even all good stuff can be a lot for our kids that after the fun is over, they have a meltdown to let off all the stress from what appeared to be a perfect playdate. We’ve seen this many times. Once my son came back from a overnight trip at Grandma's where he was basically spoiled for two days. Within 15 minutes of being back home he went into a 1.5 hour rage, attacking us for no reason. At the end of the rage, he layed on the floor and in a confused state was begging us to take him home. He didn't even realize he was home. I think the time with grandma, all the activities, fun and adventure was too much for his brain and he had a meltdown. We saw this same thing when we left Legoland after a perfect day of fun, his brain started seeing monsters on the way home. Again, too much stimulus. So it is possible that all the activity at the friends house leads him to a meltdown or really moody state once home.
--
Mom of 3 boys, the oldest (10 years) suffering with a "Mood Disorder". Our current psychiatrist believes he suffers from Bipolar 1 Disorder, but he’s too young to make the official diagnosis. He’s currently taking Tenex, Trileptal, Lithium and Melatonin to help.
Check out my blog at http://mysonhas2brains.blogspot.com/