Sleeping at night - Getting BP child to sleep in own bed!
My oldest son Grant (10) is still sleeping in my bed or on our floor almost every night. We have attempted several times to break him of this and have failed. Somehow, someway he ends up back sleeping in our master bedroom. We have just moved his mattress back to his box springs in his bedroom. The past three nights he has complained of "bad dreams" during the night and come in to sleep in our room. I think it's night time separation anxiety and most nights we are so exhausted it's not a battle worth fighting, BUT IS IT? When is a bipolar child too old to be sleeping with mommy and/or Dad? Sometimes siblings copycat and end up in our room, too!
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Ashton (44), Anxiety/Mild Depression after living with DS.
Meds PRN
Bill (46), Anxiety/OCD/Narristic Personality Disorder, Meds
Grant (10), BP I, Lithium, Seroquel XR, Concerta/3 days a week.
Molly (9), PDD, ODD, OCD, Risperdal
Spencer (7), ADHD, Mood Disorder-NOS, Concerta
Jackson (5) Grant all over again! Budding BP I ?, likely!
Clonodine, Lithium, Amantadine, Topomax
lol, not really funny I know, but we have been going through this for years. GS is almost 12 and often lays down 5 different places before going to sleep, and wont go to sleep without one of us with him. For years he slept in his own or our bed, but for the past six months he roams around, trying to find somewhere he can feel safe enough to sleep - it might be the closet, window seat, living room floor, occasionally his own bed, but that doesnt happen often. For us, it is not a battle we'll take on right now, too many other issues, and we're happy if he just sleeps. It would be harder if you have other children in the house. Best of luck!
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Becky, 58, custodial grandmother
Case, 12, BP I and HTN
Joni, 56, other grandma, Becky's partner
I was just talking about this in therapy!
DS 10 still needs to fall asleep with me in his bed. For a long time this was a huge problem, but I have let go of it and made it more comfortable for all. 1st, we got him a double bed, so I'm comfortable (that mad a world of difference!). 2nd, we have a consistent nightime routine. (sounds crazy but it works):
What the tdoc and I were talking about was, for a neurotypical kids, this would be important. For mine, not so much. The most important thing is finding a way for us all to get the sleep we need and DH and I to get some alone time. This solution fit for us. DS is so smart but really developmentally, he is years behind. Getting him to stay at school for a full day is probably more important right now than going to bed on his own.
One more thing, when he's manic - one of us sleeps with him all night. Only way we can be sure that we are all safe.
Good luck
All 3 of our kids were like this, and only one has bp illness.
I just went with it. It seemed as if the best course of action was to make them feel totally safe, with total permission to sleep in my room for as long as they liked. Then, from that position of total security, they moved out on their own steam, sometimes gradually, sometimes abruptly.
I kept telling myself that they would not still be doing this by the age of 21, and that somewhere in there they, themselves, would want to move. And they did.
When they were younger, I bought the book "The Family Bed." However, in the course of conversation with moms with a very wide variety of parenting styles and philosophies, I have found that a large percentage (much larger than professionals or parenting magazines would have us believe) lie down with their kids until they are asleep, or the kids are in the parents' room.
It also helped me to remember that in many cultures, and economic groups, sleeping in one room is common for families.
Sleep is so necessary for kids with bp. Right now, I wish my 17 year-old would sleep with me, because when she shuts the door at night, I don't know if she is sleeping or not. I just found out yesterday that she stayed up the night before, which is not a good sign.
Of course, I don't really want her in my bedroom, but there is an advantage with your 10 year-old in terms of knowing exactly how much sleep he is getting.
Alan had been sleeping in his own bed for about 2 months before he was hospitalized in early December. This week he has finally slept in his own bed a couple of nights, but then the last 2 nights has been back in our bed by 2 am.
I'm sure you don't want to use the method that worked to get Alan in his own bed last fall, and I know we don't want to repeat it. Alan and his friend had been outside playing with our dog with a rope that had numerous things attached to it, including a tether ball and a broken metal clasp. The tether ball broke and the metal clasp ended up flying back into the dog's face and puncturing his eye. Thankfully it was the dog and not one of the boys. The dog had to have his eye removed, and we were concerned about him scratching at it in the night, so we allowed the dog in our bed for the first time. Two adults and a 100-lb dog don't leave much room even in a king-sized bed, and Alan felt guilty over the whole thing anyway, so he was pretty easily convinced to sleep in his own bed. By the time the dog healed he had established a good habit.
So after the hospital, it was Alan, me, and the dog in my bed and my husband slept in Alan's bed. Finally got the dog out last month and now we're working on Alan.
We moved Michael (8 BP) and his little brother (6 ODD) into a room together with bunk beds and a TV. Usually he sneaks into us in the middle of the night and we wake up in the morning and he's there. It's a battle every night for him to lay down in his own room, he's scared of everything. When he's in our bed he has to be in the middle because the windows on either side scare him too much.
ladysteph
My 8 yrs son sleep with us also, I moved the box springs to my room I don't mind if he sleep in there but no, he wants to be with me or his father. We thought we beat him when a time he slept with his brother in the same bed for a while. But he came back and we are so exhausted with his mood disorder and behavior that I just want him to sleep so that I can rest. It's bad I know but I don't know what else to do.
You're not alone!!! :-)
My son used to come in and want to sleep with me nearly every night. I was tired and so didn't want to fight with him. Over time though I started switching beds with him so he would sleep in mine and I would sleep in his. Somehow he was still comforted by that--just the idea of being in the "big bed". Since he started taking Seroquel at night, he stays in his own bed all night. Before he would wake up a lot with nightmares & just plain old anxiety. I wanted to stop this partly because I had stopped my then 13 yo daughter from sleeping with her dad at his house and I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I didn't think it would ever work but it did.
You might want to try hanging a dreamcatcher on the wall, its the only way I can get my youngest to sleep all night without complaining of nightmares. All my kids fall asleep with the tv on and I go around shutting tv's off (in Angel's case I know she's not asleep if I get a complaint when I turn her's off LOL)
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Nancy single mom unemployed because I can't find a nanny with a blackbelt and a psychology degree.
D 25yo son dx ADD currently working & college no meds
A 15yo daughter bipolar or schizoaffective disorder, Asperger's, ODD daytreatment school/ public school meds Topomax, Seroquel, Levothyroxine
R 13yo daughter mood disorder, LD's, central hypotonia public school with IEP meds Lamictal & Melatonin
Windy: Glad to know we aren't alone! "I have found that a large percentage (much larger than professionals or parenting magazines would have us believe) lie down with their kids until they are asleep, or the kids are in the parents' room."
I didn't mean to sound ungrateful and oh boy am I happy he' s sleeping at night. When he wasn't stable he'd be up pratically all night and that meant we or (I - most the time) had to be up also!! Sereoquel has been the key to reducing Grant's anxiety and it helped ease the nite time "insanity" of the old days. No more complaining from me about him sleeping our room. I lived the much worse scenario of bipolar kid up all night with mixed eps and unstable.
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Ashton (44), Anxiety/Mild Depression after living with DS.
Meds PRN
Bill (46), Anxiety/OCD/Narristic Personality Disorder, Meds
Grant (10), BP I, Lithium, Seroquel XR, Concerta/3 days a week.
Molly (9), PDD, ODD, OCD, Risperdal
Spencer (7), ADHD, Mood Disorder-NOS, Concerta
Jackson (5) Grant all over again! Budding BP I, likely!
Clonodine, Lithium, Amantadine
I, as well, have found that a bedtime routine and a tv (she usually either has the disney channel or animal planet on) have helped dd sleep in her own bed AND without reported nightmares. She has now been sleeping in her own bed (and bedwetting free) for about 4 years now.
Good Luck
My 10 year old daughter has never slept by herself. We always thought she would outgrow it. Now, I do not mind that she is in our room. I know when she is sleeping and I know that she is safe at night. I find she sleeps better when she has her Ipod plugged in with her. Music seems to soothe her.
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Tracy, depression, Welbutrin
Mom to:
McKenzie BP (10), Zyprexa
Regular 4th grade
Gaelen (7)
AJ (3)
North Carolina
I actually discovered by accident that planned ignoring Sam helps...at this point I could not care less where he sleeps as long as he does! When I am on him constantly to lay down and stop talking or playing etc, he works to stay up...when I ignored him, wah-lah he fell asleep on his own on the couch!!!
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me, 37, bipolar, on depakote 1500mg at bedtime, and vistaril 25 mg prn
Sammy, 12, bipolar, ADHD, on depakote 500mg 2 X a day and 18 mg Concerta in am, and 0.5 mg respirdal at bed, 0.4 mg DDVAP at bedtime,in self contained EBD class 7th Grade and failing miserably, finally awaiting bed in RTC
Christal, 11, ADHD and possible mild mood disorder, abilify 15mg in AM and Concerta 54 mg in am and clonidine 0.1 mg at bedtime, in mild ve ese class 4th grade and finally doing well
NO WORRIES! AS YOU CAN SEE THE AGE OF MY GIRL! LOL!! WHEN SHE IS RELAPSING (AS WE CALL IT) SHE OFTEN NEEDS TO SLEEP WITH ME. HER FEAR JUST GETS THE BEST OF HER. SHE TALKS WITH HER COUNSELOR ABOUT IT AND AS HER MEDS KICK BACK IN WE S-L-O-W-L-Y "WEEN' HER BACK TO HER BED. THAT MAY TAKE A WEEK OR MORE, DEPENDING ON HOW BAD HER SYMPTOMS ARE OR HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR THE MEDS TO HELP. REMEMBER THE MEDS CAN'T DO IT ALL! WITH YOUR CHILDREN BEING SO YOUNG IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE LONGER. JUST BREATHE DEEPLY MOM! KEEP IN MIND THAT IT IS FOR THEIR SENSE OF PEACE AND SECURITY THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE AND THAT THEY FEEL SAFE FROM THEIR "MONSTERS". WE START OUT WITH HER GETTING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN SHE IS PRETTY MUCH SOUND ASLEEP AND TRANSFERRING TO HER BED FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF HOURS AND JUST START WORKING DOWN FROM THERE. IT EVENTUALLY GETS DOWN TO WHERE SHE JUST LIES WITH ME FOR ABOUT 10-15 MINS AND THEN GOES TO HER OWN BED. PART OF IT REALLY SHE SAYS IS JUST HAVING THAT LITTLE BIT OF QUIET TIME ALONE WITH ME TO JUST TALK. ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR SOMETIMES. JUST "LOVING" TIME. JUST MY 2 CENTS WORTH!
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not the best pic, but what i have for now! lolo!
Cheri Hopkins, 41, BP 2, some social anxiety. Given up multiple jobs and professional career to manage family. Volunteer Advocate (and hopefully soon!) employee with Families Care--organization here in Central Nebraska that works with families of kids with mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders. Minden, NE
200mgs Lamictal, 20 mgs Lexapro, 5mgs Abilify
and high blood pressure, migraine, & asthma meds--oh! & smoke like a freight train right now! lol!
Brianna, 16, BP 1, severe, w/psychotic features, severe social anxiety. Pursuing GED and almost ready to test out!!, member of Y4 (kids & teens support group) & leader of YAALE (advocacy group) with Families Care, and ONLY teen on advisory board in our area for mental health reform. Currently amidst re-emerging symptoms & anti-psychotic med chg.
1350mgs Lithium, 400mgs Lamictal, 3mgs Risperadol w/10 mgs Zyprexa (this is what we're chging--titrating the risperadol out after 3 yrs), 200 mgs Trazadone, .5 Levothyroxine.
Birth control for regulation of periods only, allergy and migrain meds prn.
Colton, 13, BP 1, mild. Active in sports, Talented & Gifted, taking ACTs, and other "smarty pants" kid things! lol! Typical smart-aleck teen boy. 150 mgs (soon too be 200mgs!) Lamictal, 20 mgs Abilify, allergy & asthama meds.
Tim, 41, recently totally physically disabled, denying depression & avoiding ALL issues of EVERYTHING! Nearly daily "testeterone battles" with Colton. Won't take any meds of any kind.
My younger daughter had been sleeping in her own room since a baby... But when the paranoia and psychosis got bad, she was afraid and would end up in our room. If we did not allow her in our bed, she'd be on the floor, or in the dog bed, or in our closet... So for a while, I just put a sleeping mat for her down on our bedroom floor so if she came in in the middle of the night she'd have a better place to go back to sleep.
When she was not as sick, she didn't end up back in our room. Also when she was awake awake awke... she didn't come into our room... it was just when she was sleepy but afraid. How old is too old for helping someone who is terrified??? Ummm... I cannot put an age on that. Every situation is different. My child's problem was not separation anxiety.
--"Naomi"
It's Not Mental
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar (morphed into ultradian cycling): "Recovered" after over 13 years - stable off psych meds almost two years. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels (after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements). She added EMpowerPlus back on just because she feels better on it - gets sick less often.
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, migraines. After over 15 years, is now "recovered" for almost 5 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.
oh, these stories are oh so familiar. We have four children and the only one that has problems with sleep is our son. Night terrors, nightmares, bedwetting, demands of us to sleep with him...etc. Melatonin really helps calm Davin down. We have to stick to the same routine every night and if we alter bed times, no more than an hour later than the norm. He cannot have the t.v. on as this is too stimulating. I do have a fan running in his room for white noise plus he is always hot. There are times that I need to sit in his room and rub his back. There are times that I have to sit with him for a couple hours until he calms down. The minute I give in and sleep with him, or let him sleep with us.....it is a very, very difficult cycle to break him out of. So although I want him to feel comfortable and safe...I try not to sleep with him or vice versa.
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Crystal - 33yrs, married, nursing student, mother of 4 amazing children
Matt- 34yrs, husband
Sarah- 14yrs
Eva-13yrs
Davin-9yrs mood disorder (r/o early onset bipolar disorder), sensory integration disorder, adhd
Brooklyn-3yrs
Personally I'm fine with sleeping with my dd in either of our beds. In some cultures it is considered unhealthy not to share a bed with your children. My dd needs it. Sometimes to calm down, sometimes because she is afraid, and sometimes because she is lonely. No matter what the underlying cause is, it is more important to me that she sleeps than where she sleeps. It is not every night anymore so you so have that to look forward to. Just last night she was in her room all snuggled in and suddenly called out to me that she was feeling anxious could I please stay with her until she settled. I see no point in leaving an anxious child alone at night in the dark to fend for herself with her bad thoughts and chaos in her brain. Actually that seems way more harmful to me. In the end I am sure I will not be sharing a bed with her when she is in college. Until then, if she needs me I will be there for her.
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Karenj
Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Bipolar I (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with IEP/BIP, Seroquel 200mg - morning 250mg bed time; Lamictal 150mg - morning
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes explosive
I have always been one for making the kids sleep in their beds...they never sleep with me. Well...until we encountered a mental illness!!
My dd, 16, is often too scared to sleep alone. I can see the panic in her eyes as soon as I tuck her in. If she is unstable and scared, I sleep with her. I think it would be cruel NOT to. If your child is scared (my dd is scared to be alone because of thoughts and voices) and your presence comforts her...then it's nothing to worry about. It's the least of the battles.
When my dd is feeling good, she sleeps alone. I just want her to know that I'm there for her...no matter what.
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L Anxiety, Lexapro
Mom to:
T (16) Mood disorder (Depression, Anxiety, OCD, BP, SA?), Risperdal 1mg morning/night, Zoloft 100 mg., Abilify 10mg., Trazadone 100 mg.
Also has hypoplastic left heart syndrome (open heart surgery 3X), Lisinopril, Aspirin
10th grade-currently going to school online at home.
J (13)
J and C (10)
My 11 yo daughte also sleeps with me and has been doing so since she was a baby. Is this also a sign of bipolar disorder. My 8 yo daughter sleeps in the bed, too but she will also sleep in her own bed. I never minded sleeping with my girls ... their father sleeps in a different bedroom and that's fine by me. I always looked at it as someday they will be on their own and have their own lives. I already desparately miss them as babies, so I treasure this "cuddle" time and there's nothing like waking to my daughter smiling at me ..
I don't believe sleeping with the parents by itself is a sign of BP. But if it is related to severe separation anxiety and there are other sx, then it could be. In many cultures around the world children routinely sleep with their parents.
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17 1/2, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 16, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 1/2 & H, 11 1/2
Married 18 years to DH, 51
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
I also have to lay down with my 10 yr old daughter. When she falls asleep I leave. Maybe about half the time, I think if she wakes up to use the bathroom, she will then come into our room. My husband hates that I do this. He always mentions that we HAVE to get her to sleep on her own. But it doesn't bother me in the least & I refuse to force her to sleep alone and then deal with the anxiety and crying that is sure to come from it. Not worth it to me, & to tell you the truth, I actually like cuddling with her.
My 12-1/2-year-old sleeps with me every night. She panics at the suggestion of her sleeping in her own room. I would love to have her in her own room as most days I feel suffocated by her demands and neediness. I would love to have one place, my bedroom, that is truly my haven for quiet, alone time. But . . . . . I just keep hoping that one day she'll feel safe and secure enough to return to her own room.
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Mary, 51, single working mom to Ben, age 17 , who keeps me positive with his sense of humor, and to Ana, age 12, adopted from Guatemala as an infant, recently diagnosed with mood disorder, nos, and GAD. Clonidine for sleep and a slowly increasing dose of abilify.
OUr son never fell asleep on his own. He would sleep on a mattress on the floor of our bedroom. He would wake throughout the night with night terrors and obsessions. Night terrors: worst dream ever. Pretend you're dreaming of a shark chasing you; you wake up when the shark starts to nip at your leg; you wake screaming. For a kid with night terrors, they don't wake from the dream at the shark nipping....they are still dreaming as the shark chomps into their leg....etc. So, he would wake screaming from night terrors. He would also wake with an obsession: I want French silk pie; ;go buy me french silk pie; I want it right now.
We knew we found the right pdoc when he insisted that Ds take enough meds at night to knock him out and get him the sleep he needed. Within days of a med change he was sleeping through the night in his own bed. He was 12 at the time!
Our philosophy at the time was to sleep where ever and however we could so that the majority of us had a solid night's sleep.
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Monica
DH60, married 33 years
DD22, adoptee, graduates from college next month, has great job lined up.
DS19, adoptee, recent graduate from private school for kids with learning differences; recently received SSI; taking 2 classes at local community college; volunteers at nursing home; plays guitar, drums, keyboard; songwriter; works out with weights and boxing bag; loves playing w/ little kids; enjoys working w/ elderly
BP, PDD-NOS, Tourettes, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, delayed puberty (7/09 finally), trichotillomania, , diabetes insipidus, hypothryoidism, excessive tooth decay, platelet function disorder
Lithium 1500mg; Depakote ER 2000mg; Abilify 20mg; Seroquel 850mg; Levothyroxine 75mcg; Omega 3 2000mg;
DS11, adoptee, 6th grade in Montessori school (transfered this year), goofy, funny little guy; enjoys harassing big brother; used as a yardstick for his older brother's development (i.e., his brother can't do what he can do); recently diagnosed with multiple learning disabilities; has made great progress in academics at new school.