Hi,I can't really give any practical advice as I haven't enough experience,just wanted to offer some sympathy.I am sure someone on here will give you some good advice. I can totally empathise with the problems it creates with siblings, my eldest is so resentful of her sister, no matter how much I tell her that her little sister is ill,she can't understand this kind of illness!

Hang in there,you arenot a bad mum,you're a wonderful mum and you can only do your best.Hopefully when your pdoc returns he will be able to help. let us know how you go x

Jackie! You have not failed as a mother. When my family was caught up in a dramatic moment  with our dd and help was not immediately avaialble (why does it always happen at night or when docs out of town?) then I have to tell myself "This is the "disorder" talking, this is not my child." Deep down inside this raging soul is my child and if we can just hold on...

It sound like you have done a lot already as a good parent to help your ds ease into adulthood. Your ds's brain is going through lots of development and will continoue to do so up to maybe even 23 years of age. What helped one day might not help another which I am sure you must have already experienced. And weather changes and the time of year can have a big effect too, shorter daylight also.

Do you think his threats are valid or just that.. threats? Does he tell you what his plans are and are they valid? Is there a trusted family member he can go "live" with? Can you call your local police department and find a youth mentor? Our city was willing to provide one for us even though my daughter never did anything unsafe (per se) or illegal. Is there a place where he can volunteer his time helping with animals? Are there safe houses for kids in transtion? We have a few safe houses for kids transitioning from psych wards or RTC before heading home. They accept kids who neeed a break from current living envionrment. Not always the best place but good in dire circumstances.

Is he still in school?  Can you contact the school counsleor whether he is or not? They might have suggestions or references. How about an outdoor wilderness experience like Soltreks? I know LOTS of young men that have done them and came back healthy or at least wiling to particpate in their well being. 

Please try to have him be part of the solution if at all possible, then maybe he migh be more complaint. He might just need a change of enviornment because what he is experiencing now is "toxic" for him. And doesn't it seem that our kids always are harder on us then "strangers" because they are "comfortable" with us and desperately hold it together for appearances sake in front of others. He loves and feels safe with you to let his demons out but it is toxic for all of you.

The most important thing is.. you are doing an amazing job, mom.

--

Lmmom 53 yrs BPII PTSD Lithium 300/mg Xanax as needed.
Hubby 54 yrs my rock of 30 years
22 yr old son/undiagnosed
18 yr old daughter/BPII 300 mg Lithium, Yaz, Zoloft

I know the feeling of hopelessness and of watching your child appear to slip away.  The worst part is that feeling of powerlessness that overcomes you as a parent!

My son has been through many of the meds you speak of and is 15 now. Last Spring we thought we were doing well. He seemed to be responding and his summer went so much better than we expected. Then Fall hit and he plummeted and we felt like we were starting all over again.

He just gave up. He said, "Three years I have been seeing doctors and taking all these different medications and nothing has helped me. No one has helped me. Why can't anyone help me?"

And I didn't have an answer, and I spent the next 3 1/2 hours watching him cycle from violent rage to suicidal and back.

What I have found helpful is staying really calm in the middle of the storm. I know that when I am scared he can sense it and it it scares him even more causing him to rage at me more. So I try my hardest to do this. Then I have to make sure I don't come accross as too calm because then he reacts because he thinks I am not taking him seriously enough. So it is like a tight rope!

I have also found that when the storm has passed, texting him goes over much better than talking to him. It sanitizes the communication. Sometimes my tenseness--no matter how hard I try to mask it--sets him off. He can feel it. But he seems more receptive to me in written form. I always keep it brief--and choose my moments.

Your are a great mom. You have not failed. There is no way any of us could predict how hard this road would be but we all do our best. There is so much that is out of our control.  You are doing all the right things and really sticking by your son. Hang in there!

-yep you said it...it is a tightrope!!  only i never signed up for this circus!!  and worst of all is my ds doesnt think he has a problem...he is not sick...it is all of us.  oh boy that is so frustrating.  i pray he gets it someday before it is too late.  i too text.  he is forced to listen or read i guess and he cant rage or interupt.  it goes over much better.  i can say things i would otherwise never get the chance to say to him.  hopefully some of what i say actually is absorbed.  thank you for your support.  i know when i am at rock bottom i come here and i always feel better.  no one gets this stuff like we do.   -

jackie g