Bullying Reaps Disastrous Results
My daughter has been the victim of school bullying for over a year and a half. It wasn't until this past Nov. that the school even made an attempt to try to fix some of the problems that were caused for our daughter by the ongoing bullying. In late Nov. the Dean of Student Affairs informed me that he recently given all my daughter's teachers information about bullying prevention etc. and also gave them a bully prevention training video to watch.He said he also talked with the supervisory staff about the bullying situation towards my daughter.
Needless to say my daughter was taking Lamictal and the Psychiatrist raised her dose from 100 mg to 150 mg. He had told her that if with the increase in dose her risks to develop the life threating rash that could lead to permanent scarring on her face around her mucus membranes (mouth, eyes, nose, etc.) would also increase. Over Christmas break our daughter stopped taking the Lamictal. She refused to take it saying that she couldn't take the risk of having another thing for people to bully her about at school. She was obsessively worrying about getting this rash from the Lamictal. We didn't know for sure she had quit taking it but her behaviors were eratic and later I found pills inside her spare glasses case and shoes. She became progressively more unstable and got destructive at home and got into a fight with her Dad and broke out his garage window. He called 911 and she ran away from the house before the police got there. The police arrested her on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief and took her away in handcuffs to a youth detention center. There was a hearing and she was declared a delinquent juvenile.
She is still attending the school were she used to go. The students are not bullying her as much but the teacher who our daughter said bullied her, the same one who told a student it was okay to congratulate our daughter for being pregnant when she had just gained weight from the medications she was on. This started all types of rumors that became part of the continual bullying. This is also the same teacher who at a recent CCC meeting said our daughter did not belong at the school and was admament about getting her sent elsewhere. The committee overruled her attempt and agreed it was less restrictive to try other interventions first like tutoring and more assistive technology. Well anyways, this same teacher decided to test our daughter yesterday. Our daughter claimed this teacher read very loudly to her right in her face and it upset our daughter who has admitted during an earlier case conference that this person makes her uncomfortable, unsafe, and that she can't think when she is around her. To make a long story short our daughter got upset and went to the counselor to talk and the counselor went to look up a phone number for her and during the meantime this same person came in and started fussing at our daughter. Our daughter told her something like shut up, you asshole. Our daughter was suspended for this and placed in a juvenile detention facility in a secure cell. She will be there until Thursday morning. I have asked on several occasions not to have this person test our daughter because she adds undue stress to our daughter's unstable state of mind.
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AnnMN
I am so sorry that you and your dd are going through all this. Each piece is big enough for anyone to cope without the added mood symptoms. All together it is overwhelming. I have no real advise except to call your local NAMI chapter and see if they can help you out. I know where I am they have been an invaluable resource for helping people who have so much going on. There seem to be many mis-steps both within the school system and within the legal system. Your daughter is ill and there should be considerations given for that. NAMI can help you navigate both systems so you and your daughter get the help you deserve.
Please take care of yourself through all this. If you are not strong you cannot advocate for her needs and care. I know it seems like you can put your needs aside to help her but (from experience) I can tell you that will only work for a very short time.
I am praying for you both to get through the next 5 minutes - 5 minutes at a time.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Karenj
Self: as sane as I can be everyday
A - DD (17yo) well adjusted, high functioning, motivated, successful, waiting patiently to go away to college
M - DD (13yo) Bipolar I (dx 4/2011) ADHD (dx 2nd grade), dumb high IQ, mainstream education with IEP/BIP, Seroquel XR 400mg - morning: Seroquel 50mg evening; Lamictal 150mg - morning
BF - Live in boyfriend of 5 years, supportive and learning more every day
EX - Ex-husband, divorced since 2002, family history of bipolar, unpredictable and sometimes explosive
AnnMN,
I have been following your story and this is just deplorable. Have you made a formal complaint against this teacher? That was totally unprofessional and just vicious. Are you able to see your dd at this time?
I am alsoextremely disappointed in your pdoc's passive-aggressive approach to prescribing. He set her up for failure on Lamictal by his repeated negative comments. I wonder why he prescribed it at all. Many, many people take Lamictal without ever getting any rash, and most rashes that occur are not SJS which is what he was referring to. And now your poor dd suffers.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, hopefully there will be some good outcome of all this.
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Brenda,51, TBMF Parent to Parent Volunteer
Mom to A, 17, BP, Tourette's, OCD, ADHD: Eskalith CR, Lamictal, Cytomel, Allegra
E, 15 1/2, BP,AS: Seroquel, Eskalith CR, inositol, Buspar
B, 14 & H, 11
Married 18 years to DH, 50
FROM TBMF: Do not start, stop, or change medications or other treatments for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgement of a doctor who knows you or your child.
My goodness my heart goes out to you this is so sad. My dd (now 18 yrs) was a victim of bullying from the age of 11 till 13 years of age by the cool kids in middle school, all this before we discovered BPII . Then she was sexually molested contiunously by a group of boys when was a freshman. She had several teachers that were cruel and verbally abuse to her because she has a processing disorder (why do these people teach? how do they keep their jobs!?!?) Some of her teachers were clueless and did not follow her IEP. Of course when all this happened we immed took her out of school. You did not say, but how old is your child? Is it soo important for your child to be in this school, or school at all? Can you find a better environment? We found a fabulous school that did one on one tutoring after we yanked my daughter our of her public high school. She spent only 2 hours a day in school then had the rest of the time home with me for life skills and volunteering. She got thru high school in 2 1/2 years did not have to tolerate all the typical high school BS. How about home school? How about a school near grandparents, aunts etc? The environment she is in doesn't sound good.. and in our case it did not improve and the staff was clueless.
Also in some states (like here in CA) if your public school can not provide a decent education they HAVE TO PAY FOR you to attend other options. Check for student advocate lawyer or a child edcuation consultant to find out your rights in your area.
My guess is your poor dd is acting out because she is afraid of her environment and can only get attention by acting out.
As for meds.. Lithium is a miracle for us.. start with small doses and it stablizes the moods. Then other meds have a chance to work.
While she is not home with you can you put another plan in place for her? Why go back to that school? Another transtion might be hard on her, but maybe spend time with family, friends, with you?
Just a thought..
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Lmmom 53 yrs BPII PTSD Lithium 300/mg Xanax as needed.
Hubby 54 yrs my rock of 30 years
22 yr old son/undiagnosed
18 yr old daughter/BPII 300 mg Lithium, Yaz, Zoloft
In answer to your questions in the past responses to my post...My daughter is age 17. She is a junior in a public high school. There is a lot of tension she feels at school from the bullying and from her needs not being met. She often brings this home with her and lashes out at me in frustration. At a recent case conference, the Advocate asked what type of training had been given to the staff in regards to working with a bipolar child. The same teacher, to whom I referred in the original post, who is the head of the Special Ed Dept at that school, said that the staff had been trained. When asked what specific training was given, she said they were trained with the materials I provided. The Advocate asked when was this done. It was determined that the training occured nearly two and a half years ago. The only two teachers who weren't having problems with my daughter were the two who had her as a Freshman when the supposed training was provided.
The people who she is supposed to go to when upset and needing to use the hot pass, are people who our daughter said she does not trust or know well enough to share confidential information with. She really has no consistently safe place or consistently available person to go to when upset. The counselor is who she usually went to but on the day of her suspension (see original post) the counselor was busy enrolling students for next year's classes and could not spend much time with her so she told her to go back to class even though she was still upset and not yet calm.
At this same conference it was asked of the TOR what specific problems my daughter had with reading-language as it was listed as a one of her specific learning disabilities--The TOR did not know the answer and actually asked my daughter to tell her what her specific problems were. My daughter didn't know either. The homework has not been appropriately reduced or modified and there are so many problems that lead to stress and continual frustration and the reaction from teachers that my daughter is deliberately not trying to do the work, when the way it is presented is nearly impossible to do without her becoming overwhelmed and shutting down. She was determined to be qualified to receive assistive technology for written expression output. They have not done this. She is also supposed to be allowed to give oral answers. This is not done. Last March the math teacher at a CCC meeting said she did not let Christina use her hot pass because she did not know my daughter had one and did not know what a hot pass was for.At a CCC meeting in 2010, I asked for them to get her trained in using the Dragon Naturally Speaking so she could get independent from my scribing. This was not done and now that my daughter is in the Youth Home and not at home, people are not scribing for her and insisting she do the work independently. Needless to say she had straight F grades in every subject for this second semester.
I work full time as a teacher because I need to provide the insurance on my daughter. Six years ago, when she was 10 years old, her Dad's insurance kicked her off of his policy for exceeding her maximum life-time limit for mental health services. We are not qualified for SSI or any type of state aid. She was denied for Medicare and Medicaid. I have a job with a lot of extra-curricular responsibilities. We live away from family and the friends I have work and I can not homeschool her due to my job responsibilities.
I am considering filing a formal complaint against the head of the special ed department, the same person described in the original post.
daughter-age 17 bipolar disorder-diagnosed age 6, adhd-diagnosed age 4, CAPD-diagnosed age 6, 4 learning disabilities-diagnosed age 7, dyslexia-diagnosed age 7, scotopic sensitivity-diagnosed age 6, polycystic ovaries
treated with counseling, BT, Lamictal 150 mg. per day, Adderall XR 40 mg. per day, camrese 1 pill per day
mom-mild anxiety treated with counseling 1x per month
dad-suspected bipolar-denial-no treatment antagonistic attitude toward daughter
daughter - ADHD-no meds diagnosed age 10 had been on ritalin age 10-19
AnnMN
AnnMN,
I would totally file a formal complaint against that teacher!! As a former teacher myself, you and I both know, this teacher's behavior and remarks toward your daughter are deplorable and unprofessional!! And she is the head of the special ed. dept.?! Unacceptable!!!! She needs to be held accountable. Go to administration and file a complaint. Your daughter has a right to feeling and experiencing safety and support in school. That is a basic right to education.
My daughter has been experiencing bullying via mean girls/boys on and off for three years now. Last year, I went to a teacher who went to the boys and they harassed her about "your mom talked to Mrs. --" for the rest of the year, and my daughter was sooooooo angry that I got involved that she hesitates telling me when things happen in school now, because she is afraid I will go tell someone. Prior to that, I went to the principal about a girl who was making racist comments (my daughter is Korean - American) and that was handled much better.
Now, she is dealing with the "cool" groups (and others) of kids saying crap about her...my daughter is extremely intelligent, creative, and beautiful. She is kind to people but when they are rude or mean, she won't put up with it. She will respond verbally, most of the time calmly, but it hurts her and always triggers her bp symptoms... Last week, a girl in her theater class' small group blamed my daughter for losing something (which she may or may not have) and then made comments about how annoying my daughter was, while the rest of the group just listened. The teacher never heard it. Later that day, at lunch, this girl blasted my daughter with how "f-ing annoying you are!" etc. My daughter handled it with smiles and "you know there are words besides four letter ones" (LOL love that comment!!) But she was rattled, and it triggered a 27 hour no sleep despite all the meds she takes for sleep, etc. , resulting in no school the next day. At the end of the weekend, a "I don't want to go to school" comment followed by irritability and tardiness to school this morninng.
We know our daughter's big triggers are stress and lack of sleep. As an 8th grader, she experiences both daily. Her mood is not stable. She yells at us, argues and swears, later she will apologize, but the damage has already been experienced. Our youngest daughter breaks into tears when big sister is swearing, and then later copies big sister's yelling/attitude.
Bullying affects not just the student/teen, but also an entire family -- it has a domino effect from there. Will it never end?!
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HeatherJ
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HeatherJ
As a teacher then you see both sides of the situation. From a parent with a child with special needs and teacher dealing with parents and students and the poltics of the educational environment. If you were staff at your daughter's school, you would GET it because you have the experience. I wanted to be a teacher myself and admire people that do, don't get me wrong. But what I found in my daughter's public school was understaffed and over populated classes with teachers unfortunately unprepared to handle the situation. Reread you words and it sounds the same for you.
My daughter experienced a lot of what you said... hot passes and all. The teachers just made her sit in the hall. Or she would call me from the bathroom standing on a toilet because she was afraid to be seen walking around. She was allowed her cell phone to call me anytime, anywhere. Her PE teacher made her run extra miles while everyone else watched because she was having a meltdown and could not call me. An upset child should not be sent back to class. Is there ONE trusted staff member.. and aid or PE teacher.. in our case it was assistant VP, that your child can track down and ask for help when a melt down is happening? Even a school secretary or yearbook commitee staff. Or a parent aid can be hired because that is also LAW here in CA. Find one sympathic person if you can.. it is all about having a good team put together.
And the female that was head of our schools Special Ed department said, and I quote "there is no such thing as Bipolar, there is something else going on." This was 2008!! Needless to say I walked out of that meeting...
Check your school districts policy.. as I said our state has to pay for child attending RTC, wilderness camps etc because we pay huge property taxes that include school taxes so we don't have to pay for addtional help.
As for filing the compliant... I understand completely. But do you want to take the time away from healing yourself and your dd? Now that my daughter is 18 and out of school I am NOW filing the compliants and for reimbursement for her private school. The statue of limitions does not run until out until I think 5 years filing compliants against schools in state of CA. Just keep good notes.
My thoughts are with you and your family.--
Lmmom 53 yrs BPII PTSD Lithium 300/mg Xanax as needed.
Hubby 54 yrs my rock of 30 years
22 yr old son/undiagnosed
18 yr old daughter/BPII 300 mg Lithium, Yaz, Zoloft