This is long. I haven't posted anything here in over a year so I am very sorry for the length of this post alone. (Maybe if I were here more my posts would be shorter? lol) But anyways - this is something that came about due to J's mood disorder and her school so I wanted to run it by other parents who have been there.

My daughter, Jessica,  is 11 and has started public middle school this year. Overall, I think her team has been great: they communicate pretty well with us and and I think once they (Case Worker, Guidance, Teachers, Nurse, etc) get to know her and the nature of her mood disorder, things will smooth out. There's been a few things to explain here and there but nothing major. This is a relief, because we had a rough summer and both her Dad and I were worried about her transition to Middle School. We did a med change over the summer and things fell into place right about the time she started school. She is fairy well-regulated. She has highs and lows like any kid with her dx and she tends to dip in the afternoons.
The issue that has come up is J's afternoon routine with getting on the bus. She takes a regular school bus every day from her school to the aftercare program at our local YMCA. Even though I work part time (more on that in a minute) J goes to the YMCA every day to keep it consistent.

About a month ago, J had gotten "upset" at dismissal time and was crying on the bus, to the extent that they decided to remove her from the bus to calm her down. The Buses left without J, and I received a call telling me what had happened, and that she was now calm and in the office with the staff. Please come get her. I was working from home that day, so I was able to be there within 10 minutes. When I arrived, J was indeed calm. After asking me, "mom are you mad at me?" she was found happily chatting up the Principal who has a bowl of M&M's on the desk. Her case manager told me J said the bus was too noisy. She quickly became overwhelmed and started to cry. Crying escalated to hysterics and the teacher on bus duty pulled her off the bus and brought her inside to calm her down. I told the case manager that since this had never happened before they did the right thing but the only caveat: I was at the school within minutes only because I was home that day. I told her we needed a back up plan in case this had happened on a day I was in the office- there was no way I could leave work on a moment's notice and be there by 4pm when the school office closed. I briefly explained that I work in an MD's office and after 2pm I am by myself. Once I inject my afternoon patients (usually 4 of them), they need to be scanned 60 minutes later. So, I told her the earliest I could ever really be at school was about 4:20-4:30pm on short notice. She understood, and we came up with a plan that J would get on the bus first (before the rest of the kids) and sit right up front in case it got noisy. All was well for a month.

The same scenario played out again on Friday, only this time I am at work and unable to leave for the same reasons I had explained to them last month. Several phone calls back and forth: the ex husband, the YMCA, the school - end result being that the Vice Principal offers to drive J to the YMCA because me getting there by 4:30pm on a Friday is not soon enough for them. It was incredibly frustrating - I am by myself at work, I need to finish my scans, phone ringing off the hook, and we are all doing the best.

My take is this: she was crying and upset, but not angry, aggressive or a danger to anyone on the bus. She was likely loud and maybe freaking the driver out - and I am not trying to be insensitive...but when her moods fluctuate, she is FINE within 10-15 minutes. So, nothing quite like putting everyone into a tail spin and then the kid is happily sitting on the office bench 15 minutes later. One the one hand, they could have bitten the bullet and kept her on the bus and she would have been fine by the time she got to the YMCA, but I understand why they didn't want to roll the dice on it either. They may have been concerned she was going to cry the entire 10 minutes to the YMCA and distract the driver. I *am* upset that the staff made the (possibly short-sighted) decision to pull her off the bus and then expect us at a moment's notice to drop everything because THEY all are beating a trail out the door by a certain time. Whoever decided to pull her should have been the one to stay until the parents could get there, I think. Honestly, though, I don't think a crying child is the same as a kid acting obnoxious, throwing things on the bus and doing whatever it is that "typical" kids do to get themselves put on suspension from bus service. I just don't think this is the same thing. If it were a case of suspension due to bad behavior, I would be at their beck and call (and ready to read the riot act to my child) But, this is no different than something that could happen in the classroom or at home due to her mood disorder. I DO make it clear to my kids that riding the bus is a privilege not a right and that they have to behave safely on the bus. I think they get it, and I am thinking J's afternoon behavior is low and not something entirely within her control. It's just that the timing of the meltdown could not come at a more hectic time of the day: School staff wants to get the heck home, and her Dad and I are trying to do that as well.

So, a friend that works in the school system thinks a few things. One, she was gobsmacked that they took her off the bus - knowing that in doing so, the child was not going to make it to where she needed to be. We are pretty sure it's a full bus where the YMCA is one of many stops - so whoever decided to pull her may have not had any idea of the complications that would arise. Two, she *did* tell me any middle school is a ghost town after 4pm and that yes, they DO all clear out at the end of the day. Now, she said that's not to say the Asst. Principal or Principal were not usually there until 4:30pm or so, but perhaps they had somewhere to be. (Insert happy hour joke here). She felt that perhaps the larger bus size was the issue - all the noise, loaded with kids - if that was a trigger - we have a diagnosed mood disorder with and IEP - then we may need to ask for a smaller bus to bring J to the YMCA.

Please - anyone who has kids in public schools - tell me what your system does for your kids as far as transportation? Tell me, too, what you think, after reading all of this, are reasonable things for me to ask of them. I am truly hesitant to ask them for anything as far as another bus to take her to the YMCA. I am really just hoping to have a talk with the school about how they plan to handle this in the future. I honestly think whoever does bus duty has no idea what they are dealing with when the see J upset, or if the bus driver is even aware she is not just a crying little girl, she is a child with a mood disorder, IEP, the whole nine yards. I would love it if all the staff members were on the same page regarding getting her to the bus, keeping her ON the bus and getting her to the YMCA safe and sound. If they DID have to pull her off the bus again, I wish the school could let a para stay with her until I can get there - even if it means staying a little later to accommodate a frantic working parent. I am planning on talking with my daughter about what happened....I think she is a great kid but I do think if she thinks this is an "okay" thing to do then she may make a habit of it. It doesn't help that there is free chocolate and lots of attention at the school office. (!!) I think if she knew she could call me on her cell, or read a book to get through the bus ride, maybe she could stick it out until she got to the YMCA. I think asking for special transport would be the less desirable (read: more expensive) route for the school to take rather than just have a meeting with the team and make sure everyone knows the kid needs to stay on the darn bus and whoever pulls her off it gets to keep her occupied until mom gets there (okay, far fetched, but I can dream, right?) Please share your thoughts and again I am sorry this is such a long post. I rarely post here and it serves me right! :) Thank you much for your time and your thoughts.

Susan
Mom to
Jessica (11) 6th Grade - Mood disorder, NOS, Tourettes. (Risperdal 1.5mg, Lamicatal 200 mg, Lexapro 20mg, Depakote 125mg 2x/day, Keppra 500mg, Vitamin E, Cinnamon and Omega 3)
Anneliese (7) Super Mario Bros obsessed 2nd Grader