Surround yourself with people who support you. If the school he is in does not (and it sounds awful!) then maybe a public setting is better. In the public setting he'd likely be eligible for an IEP (individualized education plan) and may have access to teachers who are more knowledgable about bpd in kids. Is moving to a larger city where the school system has more expertise whith children like your son an option? Is there a larger community or city nearby where he can get treatment with child psychiatrists who have expertise in bipolar? Sometimes very small towns can be very difficult and options limited for treatment for kids with special needs. You need support, not blaming... My deepest sympathy for the terrible reaction that you have got with his current school.

My feeling is that the curriculum might be good for a child with bp, but that an aide might be needed to make sure your son stays on task and can be guided to a safe place to cool down when he's agitated.  If he has an IEP, then they acknowledge that your son has issues, so don't let those who sound judgmental get you down.  Remind them that he has an IEP for a reason.  I would definitely request that your son be allowed to go to either the nurse or social worker or psychologist or SPED teacher -- anyone he feels safe with -- whenever he's feeling overwhelmed. 

Have you visited the public school to see what they would have to offer a child with your history?  Sometimes the public schools are better equipped to deal with kids with medical issues (and I would keep reminding them that this is a medical issue). 

Good luck!

Joan

--

Joan in IL
Co-Moderator of Dual Diagnosis/Substance Abuse group with Becky
Family Response Team Volunteer
Link to my bio: http://www.bpkids.org/user/29354
To support CABF, go to https://www.bpkids.org/donate

I could have wrote this word for word I am dealing with the same thing with my second grader. In a small school setting with little or no help from the resource department. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I am calling the school and school dirstrict tomorrow to see if there is anything else we should be doing but aren't. GL to you

My son is 8 now and after years of being wrongly diagnosed with tourettes,Oppositional defiant,obsesive compulsive disorder,ADHD/ADD, we realized that it was bi polar,after we switched pediatritians and he tried Adderall and it failed he appologised to me and said he was considering bi polar now. but for 3 years now my son has struggled wiht public and private school. his anxiety was debilitating,his absenses far out numbered his days in class. all the schol had to say was He was the way he is because of bad parenting. I discused him being bi polar but because he was so stressed to be good in school they never really saw the real little boy who woud rage violently for hours and days, the little boy who cried every day,begging me not to send him to school, faught,bit,punched,cussed,and cried some more, who talked of killing himself since he was 3. no it was all me being a bad parent and not making him mind and go to school. my son is waitng his psych. eval comming next month,his therapist never once mentioned bi polar,infact she gave me the feeling of not believing me about much of his behaviors,and said oh well I see that sometimes in kids with adhd. his doctor gave him a note dismissing him from public school and we have enrolled him in an online school called connections academy, its new to both of us, but he gets lessons online as well as materials sent to our home,he has full staff help but with his doctors help he works at his own pace. its free and if you apply early enough they can provide a computer and printer. they also help with stippens for internet up to 4 times a year. the course work is engaging and fun. it isnt for wcweyonw, but for my son it was a way for him to participate and be included in a schol wihtout the fear he had to go through.

public schools can work for many kids,but they are often un informed on alot of disorders and illnesses. they too often are having to many students,too little staff,too small class rooms,ect..my son's school for k and 1st grade was like a concentration camp. a bell rang,students froze,any movement or sound was met wiht the red square,in fact any infraction was punished by the red square.  what is the red square? it is a series of small red squares painted on the black top of the playground where the offensive student had to sit every reces untill punishment was fullfilled.. in the desert where we live,the surface of the black top sky rocketed,no shade,kids in shorts... my son came home with blisters on the backs of his leggs and rear,livid i called the school,their answr..m y son wasnt forced to sit there... what??????? he was told to sit there, if he had refused he would have been what suspended? I told them i was making a police report for hurting my don,and the principal laughed at me and told me to do what i wanted.  needless to say, the police never did a darn thing,oh sure they acted like a report was taken, but that was it.. i pulled my son from the school,private school wasnt much better.  just be carefull of the school you place your child in, you are your sons best advocate not a school. 

sorry if i bounce around a bit. soooo exhausted!

we had similar issues with our daughter, who was in second grade last year (she's the seven year old). she was in a german school in southern germany, and there is no such thing as an iep or anything like it. not in the public schools and not in the private school we had her in. 

because of her BP, she had a really rough time. trouble making it to school on time (even with me waking her up AND picking her clothes out AND her not eating any breakfast). trouble because she was revved up a little too much by all of the children. anxiety also became a problem. she had to miss a lot of school. catching up in german meant lots of extra work. there were also rage attacks... having to keep her seperate from her siblings... cutting off all visits from friends (anyone's friends)...i could go on. it all sounds not so nasty in print, but we all know how horrible things can get. unfortunately, it seems the brunt of the BP behavior is felt at home. i think i've read that it often is. so what you might explain to others is not always what they see. we always encounter people in the school system, family members, even in the psychiatric field where we live, who think that a) all psychiatric mood disorders are excuses to cover up bad behavior and poor parenting, or b) children or youth cannot have these disorders, etc. etc. ... you're not alone there.

after determining that the school classroom was really adding to her stress and making all of us more miserable, as well as potentially being the academic downfall of a very bright girl, we began looking into alternate schooling. we determined that neither public or private, nor montessori nor walldorf schools would solve her problem. she'd still get overstimulated, or overpressured after missing so much school, etc. homeschooling really ended up being the only option.

she was homeschooled in first grade (through calvert - a u.s. private day school that offers homeschool and correspondence course curriculums), and so we chose to return to the same provider. (note - during first grade she was still involved in the diagnostic process, and was not on meds, so school did not work for her at all. she is psychotic in her mania, and tried to kill herself three times between ages five and six.)

while homeschooled, she can sleep and average of an hour longer in the morning, she can move out of an episode more quickly, and no one breathes down her (or your) neck if she stops being able to do her work for a few days. homeschooled children can move along much faster than classroom ones, generally. (my daughter finished an academically challenging first grade in about five months with straight 1's - or A's  - the rest of the time was spent trying to find doctors, flying back and forth from the u.s. after we found one, and just in keeping her alive and us sane.)

homeschooling is much more normal now than when we were very young, so you won't have to do so much explaining to the world at large about your child. everyone talking about their BP, and some people even playing it down or denying it exists is pretty embarrassing, not to mention discouraging and downright damaging for children.

if you want your child to get a college education, it might be the only way for them to go. BP children are usually quite bright. we refuse to allow an adverse (adverse to our daughter) learning environment stand in the way of whatever she can achieve. i'm not sure if you are aware that van gogh (whom scholars believe was BP) was supported in his talents by his brother - given paints and canvas, etc. to encourage him, and who was in general a great support. needing help - perhaps a different kind of support than the school can offer might mean the difference between passing and failing. as the parent, you're really the only one in the position of van gogh's brother. you know your child best. if the school isn't the right fit, and nothing else around you is, and you can make the time to homeschool, it is worth considering. 

during an episode, our daughter's abilities to work change, as does the quality. at home in the one-on-one situation, i am able to change teaching styles to accommodate  her altered needs (examples: less paperwork, more verbal. more breaks in between).

social lives, for a bipolar child, aren't usually that rich in grade school (they can be cultivated while homeschooling in much less stressful environments). they are in such pain and inner turmoil so often, and then they have to go and sit with peers and teachers and try to look and behave as normally as possible. hard to concentrate with all of that stuff going on inside, especially with those classroom related pressures and distractions. painful...

when things start looking bad - when we see the telltale behavior of a mania or depression, i can react more swiftly at home, and take measures to help curtail a full blown attack, when possible. while in school, she was at the mercy of the school hours, daily schedule and all  of the pressures of staying with the class, homework, her own anxiety, etc. there wasn't much time after all of that for her to recover from herself, or for us to be able to take any meaningful preventative measures.  

so homeschooling seems like the best option for our daughter. best for her future. best for her health at this point, as well as our sanity. i will note that her psychiatrist told us that if we home school one, we homeschool all, so that, i think, will be a little interesting.

on the side, i have a young cousin, just older than my daughter, who is BP. he's much more violent. my four year old son, who's a moody fellow, suffers from anxiety (about people laughing at him, or attacking him, etc.), and can become very violent when angry, or offended. especially if he's tired. he digs himself, raking his hands over his head and down his face, and screams that we shouldn't look at him. there are other things... i'm hoping it's not the beginnings of BP, and wondering if boy BP's are more violent and more prone to violence in school that girl BP's.

just want to add that homeschooling isn't right for all families. it seems to work for a good number, though. 

--

Erin Maurer, BP I, lithium, neuroleptic not prescribed in u.s.
M, 7, BP I, lithium, neuroleptic
B, 6
N, 4

--We're going through the same with our 10 year old. Exactly the same thing. Even though his IEP clearly states he has a problem with excessive talking, completing work and anger issues, everyday I get notes in his planner that he's constanlty talking,and not completing work. He comes home so upset because the teacher"got right his face" and embarrassed him in front of the class, or told him to rewrite an entire paper because his handwriting was terrible. Do they think he will magically rewrite the paper with perfect penmanship if he redoes it? He has a serious writing problem, probably dysgraphia, that they have never addressed.  I feel like screaming everyday. The thing is, it's so hard as a parent , when  you love your child so much, and you've watched them struggle with this horrible mental condition, to listen to these teachers hear nothing but impatience and apathy for their struggle. Although they will never ever say it, I know that this is a kid that they dread. This is a kid that they've made up their mind about. This is a kid that they see as coddled and spoiled, and in our case, in our school system, in need of a good paddling. If I hear one more time "Zachary is quite capable of doing the work. He just chooses not to, " I will scream. I can't even imagine going through this for seven more years. When will these schools ever evolve?

diane

Diane & all, I am feeling your pain... We have been fighting teachers and schools since my son was in kindergarten.. He's now a senior and we are STILL fighting. You just have to keep doing it. There is no other way... But so many of the educators don't get it. I've found that the times my son has done best in school is when he's had someone who really "gets" him at the school who will be his advocate, who will make sure he can take a break if the setting is too overwhelming, and who will actually make the accommodations that the IEP calls for. But you have to really seek out those advocates and cultivate them because we can't be in the school with them every day. Wishing all of us BP kids' moms success with school back in session!

Shannon

 I have a 14 yr old, he went through similar issues in a traditional small town school. The school was fine for 'typical' children but would up being terrible for mine. Anyway, I pulled him out this year, he's now in an online public school. He still has bad days...bad weeks...and sometimes awful hours...but the schooling is done more at his pace. If something he's doing is setting him off, I can control the lesson. I can give him more time or give him the breaks he might need when he's cycling. He says he likes it, even though the cirriculum is more challenging. Don't get me wrong, it's been a tough transition for both of us, there have been outburts and tears...but overall, he's doing things more willingly, he feels like he's more in control of his day. I realize not everyone has the option to school at home, but it has taken out a lot of the fights about not going to school or being embarrassed or "teachers hating me".  (We are even going through a 504 in the online school...which the traditional school didn't have a clue how to do. As a counselor, I had to tell them what happens at a 504 meeting.) I am stoked that we get that in this accredited school.) And it's much less often that I get the "I don't care, I'm just going to quit school!" now. With the public school resources at bare minimum, as a parent you have to be the expert in IEP and 504 laws and don't back down. Most of us know how intimidating the meetings can be but you are the expert on your child and the only consistent adovocate he will ever have...don't let the school officials squash you, get educated and get your child the education he is entitled too!

It also sounds like there is a correlation between what's happening at school and his behavior. It could the way he's being treated by the teachers/staff because he's more difficult then his peers...I wouldn't want to be in that situation either! Maybe you can pop in and observe some of their instruction (don't plan your visit with them, you want them unprepared for you)...I don't know, but I didn't want to continue to deal with the school or my son feeling badgered by the school anymore so I sought other feasible options. If there aren't any other options, the only thing I can suggest is to know the laws and be that thorn in their sides until you get him what he needs or a close compromise.

--

Evan
Taking it one hop, skip, and a jump at a time...