Complete defiance/oppositional behavior with school work
Nicolas was always resistant to school work but this year things have really escalated. At a new school this year, he started off doing really well, showing motivation to learn and work independently. Now, he is refusing to do his work for days at a time, when he does the work it results in screaming/tears/ripping up paper/self-depreciating statements and takes HOURS (when it should take 30 minutes or so). He spends his days either openingly refusing to the work or being passive aggressive to avoid the work (crying, sleeping, making self throw up, etc.). This results in us spending the entire evening in homework hell with him -- and i know he is just as frustrated by this as we are. He is a self-contained special ed class for kids with ED and mainstreams as much as possible with an aide. He has as many possibly supports as he can in the school setting right now.
I'm really at an crossroad, because I don't know how much of this is within his choosing and what is not/related to the illness. We have not changed any medications recently except to increase the Risperdal as a way to address the oppositional behavior. He really is very cooperative and helpful in all other aspects of his life (does chores fairly well, handles emotions outside of school ok, etc.).
Not sure if we need to be aggressive in asking for a medication change/adjustment or re-engage in therapy. Therapy has never been too terribly successful, because he cognitively knows how to behave, what the right way to behave is, he just does not implement that knowledge once the emotions are elevated.
Really frustrated -- this is causing strain on our entire family's relationships and functioning. I feel like we are being held hostage by this awful, awful illness!!
-- Jada (bp) Mom to Nicolas (10) -- bipolar disorder, ADHD (Risperdal, Lamictal, Lexapro, Tenex; and Tanner, seemingly without any mental health issues:)
Hi Jada - we have definitely been there. Therapy was of no great help to us either. Nicolas is 10, and that is generally a time of great changes for our kids. My initial thought when reading your signature is that perhaps it might be time to revisit the Lexapro with your pdoc. SSRIs typically exacerbate the mania in our kids and make things more difficult.
It is also possible that he is overwhelmed by homework. My daughter, for instance, is good in math - but she doesn't know it. She thinks she is bad at it and therefore it is more difficult to work with her in math. Getting less homework seemed to help with that. I'm not sure if you have reduced homework as one of his accommodations, but it's a thought. I'm guessing he is in 5th grade? Now would be the time to get that in place ... middle school was another hard transition for us.
Good luck!
--
Shelle, 49 in So Cal - Celexa 20mg, Xanax 0.5mg rarely as needed
Single Working Mom to Rachel, 12 - BP w/anxiety - Lamictal 200mg am+Seroquel 50mg am/200mg early pm, Therapeutic School/7th Grade
We also have Birdie, the love bird - she bites; and Scarlett, the kitten - she does too
Family Response Team Volunteer, rmadmom@hotmail.com
The Balanced Mind Foundation - Bringing Hope Home
FROM THE BALANCED MIND FOUNDATION: Do not start, stop, or change medication or other treatment for yourself or your child based on what you read on this Website or elsewhere on the Internet. Information presented here should not replace the considered judgment of a doctor who knows you or your child.
Wouldn't it be just so much nicer for some of these kids if they could have a break at school, then do their homework for 30 minutes, THEN come home... or... something???? It sounds like this situation you are in now is toxic - stressful for everyone.
My first thought was the possibility of a backlash after the ADHD medication is wearing off in the evening. I know that made my younger dd tearful. One accomodation made for her with homework was that she was not allowed to work on homework for more than a certain amount of time, then I'd sign the paper that she'd worked on it that long. She was then graded on what she did - not counted off for what she didn't do. Perhaps if your son knew it was just for 1/2 hour he could stand to work on it that long?
There were other accomodations, such as I was allowed to type for her. My daughter sometimes even dictated stuff while pacing or rollerblading, which I then typed for her. Of course, there is now some dictation software that might help take the middleman out of the picture.
--"Naomi"
Older dd: formerly(?) teen-onset bipolar (morphed into ultradian cycling): "Recovered" after over 13 years - stable off psych meds almost two years. Now fine on just diet changes and higher thyroid levels (after healing - addressing gut issues/Candidal overgrowth while using EMPowerPlus and other supplements).
Younger dd: formerly(?) Childhood-onset schizoaffective, TS, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, migraines. After over 15 years, is now "recovered" for almost 5 years after treating endocrine issues, food sensitivities, gut issues, sleep issues, nutritional/mitochondrial needs.
You might want to look at the Risperdal - my gfg was on Risperdal and it made him WORSE. I've since talked to some other parents with kids on risperdal, one with BP , the other with autism, both had the same experience with risperdal. He had a rough week getting off the risperdal but is doing MUCH better on lithium/abilify combo; we were used to the same fits of rage over schoolwork, inability to adapt.....life is much better now. Not perfect, but better. Doing well in his self-contained ED class, may get to start inclusion if he continues to as well as he has been doing.
M - mom to 7 year old GFG with bipolar currently on Lithium 300mg, 15mg abilify, 1.0mg Clonindine (for sleep); also 7 year old PC with ADD on Vyvanse 30 mg
Hello,
My two cents.
If your son handles well the other areas of life (he does his chores, manages his emotions....), it may not be the meds or the mania.
He may be too tired after a day of school to work some more. He may be in need for a rest after all the school day.
Accomodations about homework seems a much more adapted and much more productive solution than changing his meds.
Since he manages how to implement a strategy when his emotions are not too high, then it doesn't look that catastrophic. It's not like his behavior is erratic, and will put himself in danger whatever the moment.
Your son can't focus more with his ADHD. Maybe he didn't find a way to tell you so, so he opposes himself (opposition because of a genuine reason, not to make your life a misery) because homework is too much to handle after a day at school.
I really believe that it's time to pick your battles. If he manages well at tests, if family life is going smoothly (except when homework) what's all this about a war about homework ?
The most important is not "making a med change just because he absolutely needs to complete his homework". The homework alone is not enough.
If he were always fighting and so on, making your family life a misery by itself, or he were putting himself in danger, ok, it's understandable to think about a med change because we can question the meds efficacity and his overall stability.
But thinking about a med change only for homework seems fighting a bug with a boxing glove IMO.
The stress can also trigger instability. So putting a great deal of pressure about homework doesn't seem a wise solution. It won't help anyone, your son first.
Don't hesitate to ask accomodations at school for his homework in his IEP.
What I always say (I know, much easier said than done) is choose your battles. Because you can't handle everything at the same time, or you lead to a crash for you, for your son, for the entire family.
Homework may not be the most important stuff to fight : his health and safety first, the rest is bonus (if he becomes a Ph.D at Harvard, great. Otherwise, he can do a lot of great things, provide that he is healthy and safe).
And really, don't worry too much about homework. It doesn't worth to do so, not to the point to damage everyone's health.
--
25 yo, ADHD, sensory issues, Maths LD and prelingual Single Sided Deafness.
Preparing myself to go back to university to study Law (hope to become a lawyer).
Interests : languages (I speak French as mother tongue, Italian, English and Modern Greek), medicine, law, computer.
I can't speak to the medication. However my son has this problem with homework. We have found a few things that help. Instead of trying to do homework every night even when he is not in the mood, we try to do more on the nights when he is stable and feeling better. He has a hard time getting thoughts from his mind on to the paper so his teachers allow me to write for him if needed. He tells me the answer and then I write it down for him. His teachers are very understanding about the homework as well and if he can't do it then they mark it as excused just as if he were sick. Are the teachers willing to work with you/him?
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DS- 8 years old, just diagnosed mood disorder NOS and generalized anxiety disorder. Adjustment disorder starting at 3.5 years old and turning into dysthymia 2 years ago and now mood disorder. Attends school for the highly gifted within the public school district. Wellbutrin, 75mg/day, Geodon 120mg/day, Zoloft 50mg/day
DS- 11 years old. No diagnosis, attends counseling to deal with his stress from his brother. Attends school for the highly gifted within the public school district
Husband, active duty Army, currently deployed overseas
Homework is an issue in our home as weel. Robert does not care about his grades. We get it done when we can, but I think your daughter needs to have the burden of the expectation lifted for her to feel better because she does not want to disappoint. --
Stephenie
R 15 high school freshman bipolar, aspergers, ADHD and generalized anxiety
R was just diagnosed bipolar/ rapid cycling Jan 2012
Lamictal 100mg, Prozac 40 mg, aderall 40 mg, intuniv 3 mg, ability 30 mg
A 13 7th grader neurotypical
Supportive husband, Tony of 22 years
St Charles, IL
I'm currently trying to homeschool my son who is 14. He has always had a problem with homework then with going to school altogether. It was a nightmare & frankly, the pressure of holding it together at school as well as the pressure at home broke him. Some of our kids just need a lot of space & time & quiet to heal & to get comfortable with themselves. I've been going gently with him with school work for the last 1 1/2 years. Its still a challenge. Last Wednesday he had a huge meltdown over reading & it was kind of shocking to see after all this time. He didn't like the book I was having him read but the truth, the real reason he was upset finally came out. My daughter's boyfriend was coming in from out of town for a visit & staying at our house. He was freaking out about having company in the house & felt embarrassed at the thought of me pushing him to do school work in front of a stranger. Plus he is concerned over complaints my daughter has made to the boyfriend about him. A neurotypical kid wouldn't react so strongly but our kids don't have those basic coping skills. I'm just hopeful that maturity will help with a lot of these problems & as long as my kids are learning something, it doesn't matter to me if they are in a classroom 6 hours a day
freaking out about everything.
--
B--Single mom, simultaneously excited & scared to be unemployed as of Feb. 2012
C--D18; GAD, Mood Disorder, ADHD, Aspie; Trileptal 450mg (tapering off), Seroquel 50mg, Aviane, Zyrtec, Vit. D, Omega 3, EMPowerplus, AminoPowerplus
L--D16; recurring depressive episodes
A--S14; GAD; Seroquel 25mg
Hello
I just got the school to get my son a bus at 9:20AM as I've been battling for years with him in the morning. 2 issues. One was that he was just zonked from the 600mg. of Seroquel. Takes 60-90 minutes EVERY DAY of prompting him to get up. We were hesitant to adjust it (so was his DR.) as we've come a LONG way from severe violence. He's mood disorder NOS and OCD big time. Well we dropped him to 200mg twice a day and he's much more alert in the AM. We tried it once a day in the AM (400mg. total) but I noticed he seemed to get anxious at night. Catch 22. If he didn't get to sleep he'd be zonked also. So far the 200mg. twice daily Seroquel along with the 450mg. Lithium twice daily is working well. Risperdal sent him into 2 days of panic attacks. I thought he was going to have a heart attack! Things are not perfect but we're not calling 911 every week or hospitalizing him once a month. I just noticed a BIG change with the new bus time for him as it took off a LOT of stress from him. He's actually working on getting up earlier and changing is routine all on his own! The school also adjusted his BIP class schedule so that he gets the teaching in the afternoon that he was missing in the AM. He's had a FBA, got an IEP (it always updates) and designated special ed. We've used many services in the home like IICAPS when things were worse. He still deals with a lot of anxiety and OCD.
Dr. says pick the battles. I agree and it's taken me a few years now to learn how to deal with a special ed kid. It's not easy. I almost lost my job. I have bad insomnia at times. Of course divorcing my alcoholic "qualifier" didn't help me or my kids either. Well it did. Had to be done. But I mean the divorce itself added stress to my kids. But things will get better over time. And one has to advocate for themselves and get totally involved in both the meds treatment as well as the cognitave treatment with a good counselor that the patient builds a rapor with. At least that's my opinion after dealing with this for several years now. Actually I have a LOT of experience with this. I was raised by a schitzophrenic dad (God Bless him) and my brother died in 05 ruled a suicide. For my son to get ill???? Well it basically crushed me. But I can't dwell on it too much as it was hard enough to accept in the beginning.
R - 12 Mood Disorder NOS, OCD
Chris