The joyful holiday season is fast approaching and yet there are people who cry out, “Bah, humbug!” as they struggle with the obstacles and challenges many families face. I knew this season had its pitfalls from my earliest years. When I was a child, my mother would work hard to provide our family with the best possible Christmas season possible. Beautifully prepared meals, lots of baking, homemade and thoughtful gifts, entertaining, and many memories…including hospitalizations or a flare-up of my mother’s symptoms once the holidays were over. As early as I can remember, my mom has been battling an autoimmune disease and the efforts she put towards a “perfect holiday” season for us all often had repercussions for her.

When I began teaching, I quickly noticed that my students, all of whom had disabilities and behavioral and emotional challenges, “acted out” prior to the holiday break and, after returning to school in January, provided me the opportunity to work on my skills as they moved from crisis to crisis. They left for break exhausted, unstable and anxious and returned exhausted, unstable, and seemingly more anxious. Often they'd face problems with attendance and managing their schedule and assignments. During the first four years of my daughter Linea’s diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a similar pattern emerged. The school year would begin on a fairly even note, but as she moved into mid-term exams and due dates of projects and papers, her anxiety would increase and a depression would creep in to further cloud her brain. By the time the break arrived she would be exhausted, anxious and fighting all the symptoms of a mood disorder, sometimes winning and sometimes not.

I write this not to necessarily offer any specific tips for the holidays but to acknowledge what you, the reader, likely already know and add to what may be a topic for many other bloggers. I hope to hear from you with thoughts and ideas of what works in your families. Here are the things that I have been thinking about:

Let go of perfection. My daughter constantly (and subtly) reminds me of this. I try hard to practice what I preach but she has noted the irony of me telling her to let go of her angst-producing need for things to be perfect while I am wearing myself out trying to meet all of the exceedingly high standards I have set for the holidays or any other big family event. Purposely and deliberately let some of it go. Take time to simply enjoy simplicity.

Acknowledge the challenges. As a child I always knew when things weren’t going well with my mother, but I don’t remember really talking about it all that much. I think that we try to protect others so that they won’t worry, but the worry is often worse when it is based on lack of knowledge that, in its absence, is filled in with imagination of the worst. One doesn’t need to provide details that might be uncomfortable, but sometimes letting others know that there has been a change in medication, is a depression building, or a full-blown crash occurring provides enough information to build a more supportive environment. Honesty, as much as is comfortable, is the best policy. It also acknowledges an illness rather than misbehaviors or just not trying.

Let others help. Parents can advise, teach and support their children with mood disorders with the goal of eventually helping them to manage their own lives. One of the most important pieces of this is modeling behaviors for our children to use when they, too, need help. Letting go and asking others for help is a good thing to do in the midst of a busy holiday season with a child or young adult who is struggling to gain their balance or is falling. I know some of you super moms and dads out there. Give yourself a gift over this joyful yet dark winter season -- ask someone to do something for you so you can do something for yourself. Can someone stay with a child who needs constant care? Can someone fill that long grocery list for you? Can a dear friend who asks, “What can I do?’ run a vacuum across the floor and do a quick clean of the bathroom?

Take as good of care of yourself as you do your family. Carve out space to take a long bath, a quiet walk, curl up somewhere alone and read a book, write in a journal, get a massage, have lunch with a friend, go away for a night or a week-end. It can be a stressful time for everyone and sometimes we just put our heads down and try hard to push through it, yet we emerge beat up and drained of all energy.

Take good care. I wish you moments of peace and I wish you and yours the very best of health.