My daughter and I recently had the honor of presenting at the Children’s Mental Health Conference, sponsored by Florida Gulf Coast University. There was an interesting question posed at the conference – "Did you tell your children everything the doctor said?" This question made me think about the first time I took my son to the psychiatrist. I asked if my son should leave the room for us to talk privately. The doctor’s reply set the stage for how we handled information disclosure in the future. He said, "Your son already knows that something is wrong." So my son stayed and we discussed everything together. We all learned quite a bit that day. As treatment moved forward, there were times when I needed to give information, updates or reports to the doctor over the phone. Even so, I talked to my son about the results afterward. 

I have no regrets about this approach for our family. We were open and honest. I have heard of others who have kept the actual diagnosis a secret from their child – sometimes for years. While I can’t make a judgment call on what is right for any individual family, it would not have been right for us. I spent much time teaching our children how to deal with bipolar disorder. For us, that teaching had to begin with telling them about the illness first. One argument I’ve heard in favor of secrecy is that the child will use the diagnosis as an excuse or crutch. However, if that is a tendency, then the earlier they learn how to deal appropriately with the illness – the better.

Now that my son is a legal adult, he has given me the same courtesy that was extended to him beginning with that first visit many years ago: openness. While he handles his own doctor’s appointments, we have a free flow of communication when it comes to his illness. In retrospect, I’m so glad I taught him openness verses secrecy.