I'll be a parent forever.
I'll be a parent forever.
Of course, my children will always be my children, but I will have a child at home, living with me, dependent on me, relying on me to keep him safe and housed and clothed and fed until the day I die. He will never grow into an independent adult, leaving me to pursue his own way in the world, independent and self-reliant. I will carry him with the same level of care as I did when he was a toddler. And the thought exhausts me.
I could, I suppose, work to find housing and social services for him, to put him in an assisted living facility or monitored housing with food stamps and SSI. But as much as the thought of having a child I need to parent in my home forever exhausts me and, frankly, saddens me somewhat, the thought of that child left to his own devices and risking relapse, loneliness, addiction, and homelessness is absolutely completely unacceptable. I cannot let the son I love risk even coming close to that kind of life. This is my life. Carrying my son, forever. And I accept that.
This post is a part of WEGO Health's Health Activist Writer's Monthly Challenge (Day 12: Free Writing Based on an Image)
I appreciate your candor in describing a painful situation some parents find themselves in. I have helped high school and college students with other disorders (not schizoaffective necessarily but anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar i, bipolar ii, etc) and not every young person is fortunate enough to have a parent that doesn't give up on him. You know that in dealing with mood disorders, there will be some things we can predict better with time (you discussed his cycles in one previous blog, "Ray of Light") and there will be difficult moments, episodes, days we can't predict no matter how hard we try. But you've already developed some strategies for getting some rest and peace (I read your Blog, "Body and Mind: Taking a Break") so while the situation is chronic and somewhat unpredictable, it's manageable. I think everyone dealing with chronically stressful home situations could implement some of those strategies for self-care in your aforementioned blog. Not sure if it's any consolation but the fact that you don't give up encourages other people not to give up.
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Jessica Gimeno, CABF Online Communications Associate, new host of Flipswitch Podcast & Blog