You Can't Give Up
How do I motivate my child? How do I get teachers to understand? How do I find a good doctor? How do I pay for all these medical costs? How do I survive instability? How do I deal with the ignorance of others? There are so many questions when dealing with childhood bipolar disorder that one of the books* I co-authored for parents is filled with 300 questions and answers. However, I was recently reminded of the importance of just ONE answer. The reminder came unexpectedly and sent shivers down my spine.
I was listening to a radio interview with Dr. Cohen of McLean Hospital and Lynda Cutrell from NAMI Board of Directors. I was interested in hearing about Dr. Cohen’s research that found differences in the mitochondria of patients with bipolar disorder. This is exciting research that could lead to changes in how people view the disorder not to mention the possible future implications for diagnosis and treatment. So I was in my little research mode when someone called in to the program and asked a question of Dr. Cohen. His answer cut through my defenses and spoke straight to me as a mother. His answer to this woman effectively summed up 10 years of advocacy.
“I think you know the answer is largely, ‘You can’t give up’ …” Dr. Bruce Cohen
The answer almost hung in the air as if to say, ‘Here I am!’ Sometimes we don’t need an expert answer; we need the encouragement to continue on. We need someone to say, “You can’t give up.” And we don’t. We keep going. We keep fighting. We keep educating. We keep hoping. So, to Dr. Cohen I say thank you for your reminder. And about your research…please don’t ever give up. It means so very much to us. Are there words that have touched you in a similar way? If so, I hope you’ll take a moment to share them with us.
*When you order products via any of the Amazon.com links on thebalancedmind.org, The Balanced Mind Foundation will receive between 4-7% of the purchase price.
Well said, Tracy. The problem for many of us, though, is that after years of living in the war zone, we are left with terrible PTSD symptoms, depression, and other disorders related to bathing your brain and body in adrenaline 24/7 on full alert. It almost becomes impossible sometimes to find that motivation and encouragement to keep on going. After that, the new questions become where/how do we find the strength to keep on going when just don't want anymore conflict, and who will take care of the parent/caregiver?
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C Wolf
Widowed mom of three wonderful kids who happen to have multiple disabilities. See my bio for more information.
Thanks for this blog, Tracy! I needed that little kick in the butt to keep going yesterday, as school has started and the inevitable teacher meeting is on the agenda for tomorrow. We can't give up on our kids, on school, on hope that medicine will work.
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Beth in TN
DS: 15 yo, BP, 300mg Trileptal twice daily
Dear C Wolf,
I just came across your reply from 8/20 and boy did it hit home with me. Your words effectively describe the daily toll raising children with multiple psych diagnosis can take on the parent. For 12 years I have been the intrepid mother who has never given up finding answers and ways to manage my 2 younger children's issues (bipolar, pdd, oppositional defiant disorder, cognitive delays etc.....) and somewhere along the line, I lost who I am. Being a parent is difficult, but being a parent of children whose bad behavior consumes your life has left me divorced, exhausted and hopeless. I have been called "The Saint" for raising these children and told, "I don't know how you do it", on numerous occassions but little do people know, I don't want those title nor do I have a choice in doing what I do. If I did have a choice, it certainly wouldn't included getting clobbered by my children during their rages, getting items thrown at me while trying to drive, making trips into the E. R. after my 9 year old daughter takes a knife to her throat and trying to maintain the chaos that has become part of our everyday living. Each moment of my day is spent trying to manage just making it through until the next med dose, until the kids go to bed so there is a bit of peace in the house, or until the next Dr.'s appointment when you hope that making a slight tweek in the med dosages will help you get through a day without a rage or meltdown. So I say thank you for being brave enough to call what we do a "war zone" and for asking....hey, "what about the parent/caregiver?"
uwmadgrad
Mother of 3
hanks for that even though somedays I say I can not do this anymore I have to say to myself if I dont then who will and it is my child and I need to keep going for him and if I keep going maybe others around me will to .
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Lisa 41
James 16 gade 12
GAD,mild tourette with ocd tendicies,biplar and possibe autisum sprectrum
To all the parents feeling at the end of their rope:
Asking who will care for the caregiver is very valid. If we don't care for ourselves and get support how can we care for our children? You are here so you know the value of a supportive community. Another piece to the puzzle is the 'Family focused treatment' approach that is being researched by Dr. Miklowitz (author of The Bipolar Teen) and his colleagues. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20868461
He also has a book for clinicians who want to use this valuable treatment approach:
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Second-Family-Focused-Treatment/d...
Next blog I will dedicate to caregivers.
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All my best,
Tracy Anglada