My grandfather, 88, is in the final stages of Alzheimer's disease. I have watched him go from the twice-weekly tennis playing, world traveling granddad that I've known for decades into a shell of himself.  The man who walked me down the aisle was now unable to hug his grandchildren.

 

Alzheimer's is awful.  Truly.  I wish it on no one.  But here's the thing: Alzheimer's is an end of life issue.  My grandfather had 80 amazing years.  He served his country, raised five daughters, built a business, piloted his own plane, contributed to his field and saw every corner of the globe.  My son has never had a good year.

 

Which got me thinking about 'the long goodbye'.  While I wait for my grandfather's imminent passing, I recall a day when my son was about three years old.  We were visiting my grandfather who was just beginning his steep decline.  As I looked at my son and then at my grandfather, it struck me that there was very little difference between the two of them: neither could talk, both required diapers, adored anything electronic, had little social interaction and took medication for their brain disorders.  In addition to our insurance paying for virtually zero supports & therapies, my grandfather's treatment was covered with few questions asked. 

 

My grandfather's condition robbed him of his golden years.  My son's condition has robbed him of any golden years.

 

As I think about a long goodbye, and how death seems almost comforting knowing that a beloved is now free from pain (I felt that way when I lost my dad to bone cancer in 1997), I'm also reminded of the empathy a family caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's engenders.  'Caregiver fatigue', 'caregiver stress' and the need for respite care seems to rally the troops around a situation.  Great.  But try getting that same level of empathy from your friends & family through lotsahelpinghands.com when your child with bipolar disorder is manic.

 

And so we wait.  The long goodbye lingers.  Our family takes comfort in knowing the full and rich life my grandfather led.  My hope is that our son has a chance to lead a life even half as fulfilling as my grandfather's.  Life is so different when you are born with a challenge, rather than acquiring it in later life.  For our family, it's a long goodbye for one, a short hello for another.