Hey, my MOM trumps your MD!
How many times have you been in a clinician's office, staring at the many diplomas hanging behind the desk and think to yourself: "I know more than THIS guy!" We have all been in a situation where we found ourselves facing a 'professional' who knew less than we did. Despite not having any initials after our name (other than MOM or DAD), how is it that we have more knowledge about children's mental health than the 'experts'? Because while they studied it, we lived it.
#6 in my top ten list of what I wish I knew then, is that I would encounter treatment providers that simply did not know as much as I did about my son's condition.
This lesson hit home with me a number of years ago when I pursued the recommendation for a treatment that came recommended by a speech therapist. Armed with a name and phone number, I headed into the first session with high hopes, as usual, for I was searching for the magic bullet that would make everything better.
We began what would be our first of six sessions. I say six sessions, because after the sixth session, I resolved that we were finished. With each twice-weekly visit to the office, I kept waiting for the provider to do something, ANYTHING, that would explain what the hell we were doing there. As the clock ticked toward the 50-minute mark, and the meter kept running, I offered information, coached, brought articles and spoke about all the things I had done at home with my son. The provider nodded, smiled and encouraged me to "keep doing it". Gee, thanks.
Six hundred dollars later, I realized that I knew far more than this dear woman ever would about childhood mental health. Dragging my son to appointments and giving HER information and paying for the pleasure just wasn't my deal. Sure, she read all about the latest and greatest information, went to school and was earnest enough. And she didn't have any children of her own. It's amazing what an expert you are at parenting until you have kids.
While they may be an expert in their field, you are an expert in your child.
I suppose it's just one of those things that no one really tells you: when to walk away from a provider. It goes further than trusting your gut; it's about knowing that the provider is getting more out of you being their client than you are getting from them. The same goes for treatments that aren't working and clinic locations that don't feel right.
While parents too often get dismissed by practitioners who think they know best, or they have the credentials that you lack, just know in your bones that your MOM or DAD is far more important in your child's wellness plan than ANY initials after anyone else's name.
I often say I have an MD after my name, too: it's the "Mom Degree" earned at the Trial-by-Fire University in the College of Hard Knocks!
Love the blog! So true to my life as well.
@ cwolf I'm stealing that one. :)
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Melissa Van Galder, 36, Mom to:
Mikayla, 12 yr old DD, no dx.
Dylan, 2 yr old, DS, no dx.
Michael, 9 yr old DS, Dx: Childhood Epilepsy (Seizure free for 6 years), Bipolar, ADHD
Meds: Zoloft 50mg, Trileptal 1050mg, Seroquel 150mg, DDAVP .4mg, Cyproheptadine 8mg, Senna 2tabs per day, Miralax 34 grams, Fluticasone Nasal Spray 2xday.
Married to Dale, 36: Step-dad to Mikayla and Michael. Father in every sense of the word. My rock.
We all live in Western Nebraska, but son is currently in RTC in Eastern Wyoming.
This one hit home HARD with me today. As I am still REELING from my OWN therapy appointment today. The therapist I have been seeing suggested today that I go to school because I seem so motivated and interested in mental health and I am already learning a lot. She said I could become a therapist or something like that. Looking back, it seems to me as if she was mocking me or placating me somehow. I don't know if I want to go to school to be a therapist myself. I have 5 children and the youngest just finished first grade for crying out loud. I am willing to invest time in to learning as much as I can about anything that affects my family! I think once I am more "free" to do something like college.. I don't want to do that. I think I would like to start spending that time reading more books for pleasure, or go back to making jewelry, working with polymer clay or even maybe try painting! THEN as I am talking about my daughter's cyclothymic disorder, she tries to tell me it is not a bipolar condition. She started to get out her DSM IV book but stopped (not sure why).... I would have just looked to see what the print date was. I do not believe she can effectively help my daughter if she does not believe this is a bipolar disorder. She later said it was an effort to avoid the negative stigma that comes with bipolar... well my daughter has already gained a negative image for herself with her behavior so at least we have some answers as to why. This just makes no sense to me. I am ready to move on to a new therapist. Find someone who doesn't mind me reading and learning and providing input to my daughter's treatment. I do believe she has my husband convinced that this is not really bipolar and that could explain why it appears he has not even TOUCHED the book that I offered him to learn about the disorder. Her argument will only serve to make things even more difficult for us to effectively treat her illness and try to create a normal life for her. Her life up to know has NOT been normal and it is time to start getting on a better track. Thanks for this blog to help reassure me that I am not the crazy one, that I am doing the right thing and that even though I might not be the expert on my daughter's illness.. I am the expert on my daughter. Time for some people to take note.
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Jen - mother of 5, including one 11 year old daughter - cylothymia, ADHD, ODD, depression and anxiety. Started Abilify on May 7. Working on weaning off Zoloft (150 mg) and Adderall (20 mg 2x a day).