Shop with your feet!
Not all mental health professionals are equally skilled, caring or accessible.
I learned the hard way.
First, there was the warm and fuzzy psychologist told my daughter that she wasn’t responsible for her actions because she has bipolar disorder. A judge won’t be so understanding, I responded. Me neither!
Then there was the psychiatrist who didn’t answer our desperate pages for more than 12 hours, and who left on a 7-week vacation without providing a back-up doctor.
We fired them both, and learned a tough lesson. Parents must demand accountability, not just of our children, but also of the mental health professionals we rely on. It took us 4 years, 3 psychiatrists, and 6 therapists to find a team that works, and that works together.
Here are tips to help you find the right fit:
- Ask other parents whom they recommend or caution against, and why
- Ask the doctor or therapist if they are accessible in case of emergency and willing to provide a cell phone number.
- Ask the doctor where your child should go in case hospitalization is required, and if she/he has admitting privileges.
- Ask the clinician about her/his style of treatment, view of accountability and communication with parents
- Note whether the clinician demonstrates knowledge, understanding and concern for your child
- Let the clinician know your expectations too. Do you want a psychiatrist who provides therapy, not just med checks? Is the therapist willing to work cooperatively with the psychiatrist?
See The Doctor's Visit: A Parent Checklist of Questions for more practical tips.
When you find a psychiatrist and therapist you and your child can rely on, who work together and are effective, you’ve got great allies.
Until then, shop with your feet!
So true! Your post made me think of the song..."My mama told me/'you better shop around'"
I think parents sometimes don't realize how much control they have in the treatment process. They truly are the manager of the treatment team which means they can hire and fire as needed until they find what is right for the child.
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All my best,
Tracy Anglada
Jean: the most important thing I've learned in this journey is that doctors are service providers, akin to my dry cleaner. I'm not sure what it is - fear of the unknown, maybe? - that causes us to treat them as omniscient. This is an important reminder to all parents. Interview doctors like you would babysitters. If they talk at you and not with you, move on. There's no way a doctor - no matter how many degrees hang on his or her wall - can know your kid better than you.
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Chrisa, 42, Chicago Suburbs, Internet eCommerce Professional
Mom to Tim, 15, Developmental Disability / Schizoaffective Disorder, Clozaril, in RTC
Also mom to Di, 14, RAD; Alex, 19, college freshman
Married to Tom, 42, SAHD and high school pole vault coach
Hi, Chrisa -- You are so right! We are the experts when it comes to our children. Good clinicians know this and treat parents as partners. You are also right that parents often delay making a change, even when we're not happy with the treatment or responsiveness that a doctor or therapist provides. And, in some communities, there is a shortage of providers and choices, or a long wait to get in as a new patient. When you and your child are not getting the care you need, don't be afraid to change--it can make a huge difference in the quality of your child's life (and yours!)
Best,
Jean
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Jean Meister